i'll do it! like, right now right here! a back flip just for you! okay, maybe not, but just pretend i could and just did, okay?

man, i was thinking i was about due for some kind of good day sometime soon. well, today seems to be it, so hooray! okay, i'll do it in order:

okay, as i've mentioned before, the thing that enables me to study in america despite being a poor swedish nerd is that i'm granted a student loan from the swedish government each semester that pays for my tuition, plane ticket and part of my rent and bills for the duration.

well, each semester, i have to reapply for the upcoming semester, and well - there's always some crap delaying it so i always end up in this panic where i think they're not going to approve my application and i'll have to stay home and blah.. all that.

this summer i knew there might be a problem because i didn't have an official transcript of my fall of 98 grades to send in with my application, only an inofficial printout from a secretary at my school. i called csn (the agency) and asked them if they thought that'd be okay, and basically was told to call back and they'd let me know.

well, i did, once, and was told that they hadn't processed the application yet so they didn't know if it would be okay or not, but if there was a problem, they would send me a letter about it. hence, i relaxed and just waited. and waited. and waited. because all the other times have been such a slow process, i never really got worried that it took so long, so i never called back.

sometime in early june i got a standard letter that i always get reminding me to get a plane ticket and an account where they can deposit money into, and insurance - just a standard mail. to me, that signalled that they were processing my application and things were okay.

well, a couple of days ago, my travel agent called and said they needed the application to come through soon in order to send me my ticket. that's when i got a bit worried. so i went online and saw that one could check the application status online, so i did and... it said the application needed some more stuff and that a letter had been sent out to me over a month ago.

hello? i never got it. panic, panic, imagening myself not getting the loan, imagening trying to figure out a way to pay the us apartements rent for a year, horror horror blah.

so i called them today and after being on hold for 5 minutes reached a nice woman who told me what the problem was (the grades transcript) - i explained to her what had happened, and she told me that she had made a note of it and that a decision would be made later today. before i hung up i asked her if she thought i should worry... and she said no.

well, i didn't allow myself to start doing cartwheels around the garden, but rather showered, bopped around to depeche mode and went down to the library...

i figured, what the hell, checked csn's online site and it said a decision had been made and mailed to me - however it wouldn't say what the decision was! i grumbled and grumbled and then... i got an idea, clicked on "payments" and there it was! next payment to be made at 990822 earliest!! i got it! i got it! i got it! wooo!!

while at the site, i looked at all sorts of information, and i can't but laugh at it - with the new loan added to my debt, i will be 26,000 dollars in debt, and i have 5 more semesters to go. i can't even feel depressed because the sum is so high it doesn't register in my head. the payment for the upcoming semester will be about 6,700 dollars. can you say "in debt for the rest of my life?" *laugh*

ah well, i got it.

it seems i needen't worry - the computer i reserved instead of my usual number 5 is the other one out of 8 computers where i can open file manager and start up telnet to reach my e-mail. yeeeeeah, baybe! you should have seen the stare i got from him when i first walked in - i could tell he was trying to see if i was pissed about him having my computer. heheheh. triumph!

i know i mostly seem like a complete tori-head but i'm not... at least not entirely. i'm also a depeche mode-nerd. i love love love depeche mode. i don't care that i didn't 'discover' them until i was 17 and should be over them by now, i simply don't.

i'll never get over how wonderful it is to sit in a dark room (call me a dork, i don't care) and listen to depeche mode's "songs of faith and devotion", and i'll never get over how beautiful dave gahan's voice is, and how utterly cute martin gore is.

i remember somebody once getting all huffy on me, claiming depeche mode sucked because their lyrics weren't deep enough, or something like that, and to me, that's just the funniest insult ever. lyrics not deep enough? who decides that? they're just deep enough for me, thank you.

it's not a simple thing, either. i don't like their lyrics the most, or gahan's voice the best, or simply the music. it's the whole thing put together that makes me gooey. i can't describe how elated and happy i get from the simple rythm's and chords in "personal jesus", or how much it just makes me grin insanely to see martin gore with his big guitar and glittery clothes slowly bop his head along. i can't describe how good hearing dave gahan's voice yell out a perfect sharp "yeah!" feels.

it's just one of those things.

i once remember talking to a friend about how, somehow, the universe owes us something for the crap we go through in our lives, and what it would take to pay us back for any kind of misery. i stated that i believe the universe owes me depeche mode, especially dave gahan, but any member would do. it owes me to wrap him/any of them up in a big, pretty bow and delivered straight to my door.

what do you feel the universe owe you?

because i didn't have time to properly link it yesterday - the previous entry: