today's the last day here. oh man. i was just going to say "and i feel fine" but typing that my chest got a bit tight. weird.

it's the third time i'm through this whole deal but i don't think i will ever get really used to it. no matter how many times i do it, it's really nervewrecking to know that "okay this is it. this is the last time i see this and this and that person for at least 9 months."

i mean, your brain tries to grasp it, but you dont feel it. at least i don't. it's kind of like saying "you will die... eventually." it's true, but it doesn't feel all that true and urgent. you know?

bah. stupid denial thing, i guess.

friday i visited maria. she played me so many funny and good songs and it was there that i ended up with the start for my jukebox (more on that further down)... the amazing thing is, we didn't even watch tv for more than 5 minutes all evening. that's a first. we watched the live tori concert video i have and her boyfriend made us mexican food and we talked a lot. in faaact...

... we had so much fun we decided i had to come back again so.. saturday night i did. this time it was less music and more talking that took place, and once again i marveled at the conversations i can have with this person and not end up having a fight.

maria and i differ on a lot of opinions. when i say differ, i don't just mean 'bananas are evil but maria likes them'... it's big, complex issues like feminism and patriotism and affirmative action and the death penalty and.. i could go on a good while longer but won't.

the main thing is, we can have these intense discussions, but we never actually get heated about it. we're the type of people who actually say "let's agree to disagree" and have that be it. it feels so great to get to use my brain to try and get my point across and understand her points, and even though we rarely actually 'convert' the other on an issue, it really has given me (and her, i think) a lot of insight and sometimes understanding for things we might not agree on. i guess it's a respect thing?

wooo.

yesterday (sunday) one of my aunts and two of my cousins came by (including a cousins' husband and two children), as did my grandmother. it was weird. not tearfilled, but more.. fun. we all ate yummie cake and cookies my mom had made, and before they left my cousin tobbe chased me around the house, trapped me, SAT on me and tickled me. it was great fun. i did tip a bookcase over though trying to get away.

granny seemed real sad i was leaving. i tried to repeat 'i'll be back!' throughout the time she was there, but i dunno. it just wasn't a goodbye i looked forward upon. i can't help but think about how last fall we said goodbye and i reassured her, and the next i know she nearly drowns in a car accident. *shrug*

a few hours after they left ninnie came by. we went and had a huge chinese dinner, rented "boogie nights" (coz she hadn't seen it), went home and fell asleep on our respective couches halfway through it. we watched the rest of the movie this morning and then walked downtown before hugging goodbye and posing threats to make sure the other writes.

this morning my cat sammy decided to say goodbye. before i tell you how, know that this cat is a domesticated stray cat. all he does is come in to get some food, maybe sleep a few hours, and then head out into the woods for a day or two. therefore, when he jumped up into the bed i was resting on, waddled up to my pillow and practically collapsed on my face so i could snuggle with him, it was quite a treat.

bah. cats know. that's all.

lastly, maria and her bf david came to the library with me and left a few hours ago, so that was also a definite bye. *shrug*

i was helping maria and david with some html code when the idiot turned around and told me to 'shut up!'.. i protested and we ended up with some fruitless argument where he stated how he's filed complaints against me and how i should shut up and this and that. *shrug* i didn't, though. asshole.

after maria and david left i went and complained toa librarian again. she just shook her head and said "don't worry about it, he's insane. he isn't well. just ignore him and don't let it bother you." so that made me feel better. when i went downstairs i saw david and maria. they were filing a complaint against the old man at the desk. hah.

no. i have not packed for my trip yet. don't worry! i still have 12 hours to go! sheesh. my previous two trips to america has certainly taught me one thing, at least - the importance of bringing plenty of things with me from sweden so i don't have to miss it for 9 months. this years shoppinglist included, but was not limited to: