the following entry contains discussions of my health condition, including details on me throwing up. hence, don't read it if you suspect you'll be grossed out, okay? no, i'm serious, i really am talking about vomiting, and not in passing either. don't blame me if you read on and find yourself going 'eeeeew' - not my fault, hon. you won't miss anything important anyhow and i'll still respect (heh heh heh) you, so there. consider yourself warned.

Why I Think I'm Sick:

• remember how i threw up sunday and monday last week? (erm, actually, i kind of hope you don't, it was certainly not a fact that need remembrance) well, yesterday morning i woke up, had my usual breakfast (bowl of oatmeal & milk), went into the bathroom, brushed my teeth and oop. threw up. felt fine so proceeded with my morning like nothing had happened.

  okay, prior to these 3 incidents i haven't thrown up since new years eve, and that was due to alcohol anyways. before then i can't recall throwing up in -years-. hence, the sudden reoccuring vomiting kind of puzzles me. i thought it might have something to do with the food i'd eaten, as all three happened within half an hour of eating, but after the oatmeal i'm even more puzzled.

  first meal was pizza and ranch dressing, which is why i thought maybe the pizza was undercooked or there was something about the dressing causing it. but then the second time i'd only had minestrone soup, hard bread and orange juice, and it still had the same effect on me. and now oatmeal and milk? i can't find anything that connect the three meals, which leads me to believe that there's just something weird going on with me.

• i have a cough. this is weird for several reasons: a) despite having colds most of the time, it very rarely causes me a cough. i'm more the stuffy nose type. b) i first got the cough mid august. that means i've now had it more than a month. c) it's really wet and icky, i sound like a 60 year old man trying to cough up a lung.

  it's really embarrassing as it escalates when i talk a lot. it's not fun when i'm in the middle of a sentence and end up gasping for air and coughing for several minutes. it's almost become a joke between me and gene because it keep happening so often and it really sounds horrid.

• i'm cold. i didn't realise this until yesterday because earlier this week everyone was cold in school due to the air conditioning seemingly wanting to make up for having been out those 2-3 weeks earlier. however, yesterday i found myself shaking in class, unable to focus because i kept trying to find ways to warm my hands and legs.

  it wasn't until gene came by last night and took me to eat that i realised that the problem was on my part. as we entered swensen's and sat down in our assigned booth, i once again shrugged and tried to warm my hands.

  Gene: I hate to tell you this, but it's not cold in here.
  Me: Huh? No but it is, see, it's freezing! Maybe the window isn't isolated...
  Gene: Jennie, it is not cold in here. I don't know why you are cold, but it's actually kind of warm in here. Feel the table if you don't believe me (it's marble-ish) - if it were cold in here the surface would be cold, and it isn't, is it?

  stunned i put my hands on the table and discovered that it was warm to me. i put my hands to my cheeks and discovered my fingers were ice cold. i had gene feel my hands to show him that i wasn't exaggerating - it really was me all along. on the way back to the car i even had my teeth rattling.

  today i decided i needed warmer clothes, at least. hence i am wearing my new grey pants, my black mind the gap t-shirt, my red over shirt which only ties over my chest, and the extra item - underneath the t shirt i'm wearing one of my black skirts.

  i hiked it up over my breasts so that it only reaches the knee barely, and luckily the small slits on the sides make it look a bit indian inspired, which i don't mind at all. and most of all - it's warm from my body so that whenever my fingers feel too icy i can hide them underneath my t-shirt and soak in the warmth from the skirt fabric.

i'm one of those people with an expressive face. hmm, that sounds weird, i mean we all have those. okay. let's say i have a rather animated face instead. argh, that sounds weird too, but i think you know what i'm trying to say.

when i speak, my whole face is involved. when i don't speak, my expressions change wildly and openly as i react to things. sometimes i wish it wasn't so as it means i can have a harder time seeming 'mature' but all and all, i kind of like it. it's who i am and there's not much to do about it anyhow.

therefore, when i'm in one of these moods, one of the first things i feel is that my face stays rather still. my eyebrows and eyes are in the same state of calmly looking on regardless what i'm feeling, and my expression is one of seriousness and even slightly hostile.

if i do try to smile, my cheeks feel strained and weird so i end up not smiling unless necessary. this fixates my mouth and mood so that where i usually would react with giddiness, and an excited voice accompanied by a big smile i now speak with a strange, low, restrained voice that seem to confuse people as they aren't used to hearing/seeing me like this.

basically, i look and sound like somebody pissed in my cereal. i hate it, but can't do anything about it because not moving too many muscles feels so nice and easy and calm and i can't muster up enough energy anyways and argh...