i'm falling into my usual monetary black hole right now. i've had to depend on a few friends already to help me out here and there, and the overdraft i've had to put on my bank card in paying them back has put me dangerously close to the point where my bank might take my card. i can't even begin to think of what i'll have to do if that happens.

as it is now, i've 'retired' my card until the 18'th when my dad is paid and can pay his share of my rent and bills for next month (mom gets paid the 25'th). right now i have about $26 in cash, all of which are needed for my school transportation till then. i did my last food shopping saturday, and i'm already falling over from knowing i'll have to rely on this food and this food only til then.

it's been 2 days and my half gallon of milk is alreayd half empy. eek. cannot live without milk. cannot COOK without milk! eek. cannot live without cheese either, but i know that whenever i buy cheese it finishes within less than a week. solution? i bought 16 slices of some processed "cheese" from an unknown brand for 99 cents.

it scares me. the texcture is very, very wrong, the taste... ugh. it's like chewing on a piece of orange plastic. it only has two redeeming qualities - if melted, it is somewhat edible, and if 'raw' it's not, which means it will last a whooole lot longer because i won't find myself stealing slices to munch on, and... it was 99 cents.

i've actually started to look into eBay. i keep thinking i should seize this opportunity to perhaps put a few of my cds to sale. i'm sure my pj harvey boot would bring in $20-30, and who knows what my plugged '98 tori amos tour necklace could bring in?

yet i can't seem to bring myself to do it. those are a few of my possessions that are.. *mine*. i treasure my cds. i treasure my t-shirts. i treasure my video cassettes. i know that i could just make copies of the cd's before shipping them, but i would miss the physical PRESENCE of them. and what if i accidently lost the tape? and how can i get rid of a necklace i got at my very first tori concert? granted i don't wear it anymore (it's been replaced by the latest tori tour necklace), but you know?

bwah. maybe i should just sell my soul to the devil. i'm sure he has the good cheese.