wednesday, december 1

i got a strange hint a few days ago that lead me to believe that if things go as wrong as they can, i might be forced to seek new residence within a month. i don't know how valid of a 'threat' it is, but it's fair to say it has been messing with my mind. a lot. especially at night. my life seems to work in about 3 month increments where it suddenly is turned inside out. it usually means a couple of weeks of no sleep, muscles that tense so hard i can barely move my head, and a cold feeling in my gut of utter panic and despair. i also tend to cry to the tv when i'm in this state, even if it's just barbara walters interviewing somebody who won the tour de france after having had cancer 3 years ago. bah. usually the situation doesn't truly require that much anxiety and sleep depravation, but it really doesn't help telling yourself that at 4 am while watching informercials with the sound up because you are hoping that the people with bleached teeth and ratty roots will drown out your incessant looped thinking of what might happen. ah well. i'll live. i seem to have a tendency for that too. --- on a sidenote, i got my second paper back in a critical reading and writing class. i got an a-. yey! i feel less like a failure now. i also had a presentation with 3 other people on gameshows. now, the interesting parts to that were many: 1) one of the members doesn't watch television, and was in class once out of 5 occasions the class met. we had no contact with her in between. 2) i missed 3 out of 5 class meetings... 3) we not once met up all at once and sat down to decide what we were going to do. last night one of the guys, jarrett called, and we talked about it.. and then ended up watching jepoardy simultaneously over the phone. does anybody do this, sometimes, watch tv with people on the phone? i tend to end up doing that more often than you'd think, especially with gene, lately (i haven't actually seen him since - uh - i can't remember. it's been almost two weeks, and i probably won't see him until tomorrow or so. final weeks of classes, and all that...) ANYWAYS. 5 minutes before the presentation was due (and it was scheduled for a full 50 minutes) we all got together, panic talked, went in there and... bam. got the class so involved we went overtime by 13 minutes. :) so. um. yeah. uh. whatever. i need to leave now and get my rentmoney to aziza. because i'm a forgetful clutz who forgot to leave them for her this morning. i wonder if i'll catch the flow-bee infomercial tonight... bZZZZzzZZZZzzzzZZZZzzZZZ...

GOD says: "heh."

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