wednesday, december 29

a x-mas gift from jessica

a knock on the door. the mail man. it's for meee! the parcel missed x-mas by a few days, but the contents make up for it. a home made pj harvey cd, sent to me by a stranger who felt i "deserve" to have all those b-sides and elusive compilation and collaborative tracks i've only heard of. he even perfected the cd with his own pretty art. gush gush. of course, my cheap 2 year old cd player decides not to recognise the home concoction as a disc, but buh. i'll find one that does, and dance and dance and dance. hah. justice will prevail. --- a cute bowl a trent reznor key chain prickly pear cactus candy plastic skeleton ear rings necklace to assemble favourite shade of lipstick swedish chocolate w/pop rocks in it swedish x-mas cd recorded in bethlehem glitter nail polish first scrungee since my hair grew long an assortment of things that escape me atm good company definitely a christmas. --- gabbi woke me up around 5.40 a.m. - half an hour before leaving. for.. good. i expected it to feel stranger, but it seemed as natural as any other morning we've spoken the past five months. we agreed that it had been surprisingly good. i've definitely enjoyed having him as a roommate. it'll be weird without him rustling about in the kitchen to make his morning cup of coffee, his constant chocolate cake baking, and long discussions in the midst of night. it's been good. thanks, gabriel. :) --- you know. i could kill for this house. (my teacher's house where i am supposed to be working on the school paper site and instead find myself staring out the window or peering after miles, the cat.) it's one of those tiny little houses inhabited by a couple with actual personalities and no children to mess it up. wall to wall bookshelves, filled. two stories. white walls. sparse, clean art. a patch of woods. a tiny creek. a cat. i think it's the part where i know that i will never ever be in a position to aquire a nest for myself that is just like this ever is what gets to me the most. bah. envy envy envy. oh whatever. trailers can be nice too. --- in other news... hmm. it's suffice to say i haven't been feeling very well the past week or month or so. it's been an on/off thing. it's manifested itself through insomnia, frequent nocturnal anxiety attacks, scrawling nonsense on the back of my hands and arms, incessant listening to music and humming, and examining my assortment of... "quirks." nothing big. nothing small. i'll be fine. i guess having my period isn't helping either. hehe. sharing. weeEe. ah well. --- and lastly... the Ywhatever thing. i don't know what to think. i remember when i was freaking out over hurricane floyd only to wake up in the morning and find a beautiful autumn day outside (note: we were lucky. many parts of nc is still suffering tremendously from the hurricane aftermath. :/) and feeling.. disappointed. this time, i really do hope i'll get to feel that disappointment the morning after, and relief that the terrorist threats proved false and that nobody really whacked out and hurt people. hope hope. as far as the rest of it goes - i don't really know what to think. who knows. maybe geocities will blow up, shredding all these typed notes from the past years to itsy bitsy zero's and one's. maybe they'll just sit in my arranged order like they do tonight. regardless. be sane, be well, and get yourself a bunker and freeze dried food. :P

GOD says: [temporarily unavailable due to bad cold.]

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