Bo and I have been together for almost five years now, we aren't married.
When we found out I was pregnant it was a big shock to us because I was on
birth control at the time. I didn't know I was pregnant until I was 3 1/2
months along.
I thought that I was having accidents on myself during the
night. Until it happened 3 nights in a row. So, I decided to go see a dr about it.
I went to the dr's office not knowing what was wrong with me. He did all
kinds of test and said that my bladder looked normal. He made an appointment
for me to get an ultrasound to make sure that I didn't have an infection, and
said that I also may be pregnant.
So I went home wondering what was going on. That night I got up from sitting down
and as I stood up a gush of fluid came rushing down my legs. I got scared so I
called my dr and told him that it wasn't urine. He told me to wait and see what
the ultrasound showed.
On June 5, I got up to go the hospital that morning, Bo asked me if I wanted him to
go. I said no, boy was that stupid of me. I thought that everything was
going to be fine. As I was getting the ultrasound done the examiner kept looking
at one spot, and I could see something moving. So I asked her what she was
looking at. She told me that there was a baby in there, and there was hardly
any fluid at all.
I was so scared! I didn't know how I was going to tell my
parents or Bo, that was all I thought about at the time. They sent me to the
ob department to talk with the dr's about switching over to insulin, I'm
diabetic. As I sat there I cried and cried. I saw the dr and than was sent
home.
When I went home I told my mom who wasn't upset at all thank God, the
hard part was telling my dad. Bo was as shocked as I was about the little
one. My dad was pretty upset because I'm his favorite and he wanted me to
finish college. As time went by, we all got use to the fact of the little one
that was going to be with us soon.
Something didn't seem right because I kept noticing leaking that didn't seem normal.
I got many different check ups to find out what I was leaking and they told me over
and over again that everything was okay. They said it wasn't the amniotic fluid.
So again I went home thinking that everything was fine. Finally they took another
ultrasound to see if the baby was okay and if fluid had built up yet. Still there
was hardly any. So I was sent to a specialist to see what was going on. They comfirmed
that my water had broke at 14 weeks and that our baby had a small chance of
surviving. I was around 19.5 weeks at the time. They gave me the options of
terminating our baby or going on with the pregnancy knowing that he may not
make it. I just couldn't terminate him, I knew that he had a chance and I
wanted to give it to him. So I went through with it.
They made plans to keep me in the hospital when I reached my 24th week. I had two more
ultrsounds within this period and they still comfirmed no fluid and the chest looked small. I
cried and cried after we got through talking to the neonatal specialist, it
had really hit me that I may lose our baby. It was so hard!
On August 17,1998 they put me in the hospital in hopes to keep me there until the baby was
ready to be born. Things were going okay, however I was getting a little
scared knowing that the little guy could come any day now. I was 24.5 weeks
and everyone was amazed that I hadn't miscarried yet.
On Aug. 19, Wednesday moring, I woke up with cramps. So I called the nurse in and she put
me on the monitor to see if they were contractions. Sure enough they were. They gave
me a shot to stop them, which helped for a couple of hours. Than around 5 pm
that evening they were getting much stronger and painful. They put me on the
monitor again, and again gave me a shot. But this time it didn't work at
all, I was in so much pain. Around 8 pm Bo told me that he was going to
leave, and I told him to wait. It was a good thing too, cause around 9 pm I
thought I needed to go to the bathroom, so I got up and went. As I was wiping
I felt the baby's leg sticking out. I started crying so hard, I yelled to Bo
and told him to get the nurse.
Next thing I know I was surrounded by dr's and nurses. They took me down to the
delivery room where I was already dialated to 7cm. The dr told me to push when I felt
the next contraction. So I did, and in seconds our beautiful baby boy was born, and he
was alive!! I was crying to God not to take him and to let him live. Bo sat there and
cried with me, they then called him over to see our baby. He smiled so big, he was a proud
father!
They took our little son to the NICU. I gave him a quick kiss on the
lips before they took him away. Bo and I went to the recovery room where I
sat and waited. It seemed like forever! The dr came in and told us that our
son was doing much better than expected. I felt so good when I heard those
words. Our son weighed 1lb 12oz and was 11in. long, such a tiny little guy!
She than asked if we had a name for our little one. We didn't pick one out
because we weren't sure we would actually have a baby there with us. We knew
the chances of his survival. So we decided to name him Isaiah Jonathan
Skidmore. I have always loved the name Isaiah and Jonathan is my oldest
brother's name. They teased us by saying, "such a big name for such a small
guy."
We finally got to go see our little son in the NICU, oh he was so tiny.
They had him covered in plastic wrap to keep his body heat in. He looked
just like his dad is what I thought when I first got to take a good look at
him. I was so tired so I kissed him as Bo and I left for my room. Bo left
the hospital and I went to sleep. Around 4:40 am that morning I got up to go
see how our son was doing. Things weren't looking too good. He was having
lung problems. I sat there with him for about 30 minutes just watching and
wondering. They took several chest x-rays and tried to explain to me what was
going on. Basically his lungs were giving up on him. I prayed to God and
told him that his will be done and I walked up to my room to sleep.
Around 6:40 am the nurse came in and told me that they wanted me down at the NICU. I
knew right away what was going on. I went down with the nurse and as we got
there the dr told me she was sorry and there was nothing else they could do.
I cried and cried as I walked over to him. They got me a rocker and placed
him in my arms. I couldn't do anything but cry. I looked him over and over
again, he was so perfect. Around 7 am they told me they couldn't wait any
longer for Bo to show up so they turned off his machines, he died in my arms
instantly. Soon after Bo came in and started crying right away. We got to
hold Isaiah's body for a couple of hours, we just cried and cried. It was the
most painful thing we have ever went through and probably ever will.
My parents came in the room when we were holding him, my mom smiled, they didn't
know that he passed on. Than she looked at me and saw my face as I told her
that he didn't make it. My mom and dad came and hugged me as we all cried
together. The nurse came in a couple minutes later and told us that they had to take
Isaiah now. So Bo held his baby and said his good-byes, than I got my turn. I
just cradled him in front of me as I kissed his forehead and cried.
I got to leave the hospital that day, I didn't want to be there anymore. As we were
leaving I heard the song, "I Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You". That song will
forever remind me of our son.
We buried Isaiah on August 22 at 2 pm. Bo's family and all of my family were there,
we than fed the people who came to support us.
Losing Isaiah has been so hard on Bo and I. I don't think that
it is something that anyone will ever understand unless they have been through
it themselves. I know that the only reason that I'm making it is because God
is carrying me. And Isaiah is by my side through this all.
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