They pay me to teach you all. And they do pay me a lot...
You can only swim in it for so long before you smell like it.
Ohh, he's funny. I like him. He's funny, I'm going to vote for him.
There are two rules by which i live my life: #1 No Singing, #2 No Dancing.
Remember that absolute power tends to corrupt absolutely.
That's right, you all live this little town of Akron, with a moat dug around it and a drawbridge sealing it up.
The world stinks, but here goes...
Benedict Arnold is a little baby, so he switches sides.
Ya know, you step off the plane and the Queen herself is there to meet you, "Hi, How ya doin', welcome to England."
You give a four year old a mountain of candy and you are in for a world of trouble.
No, no, its not a 357...it's only my 44 Magnum.
Money makes the world go 'round, and it does take a lot.
What, suddenly the President get up there and reads the Emancipation Proclamation, then the slave owners just say, "Oop, ok, you're free." ?
Reform movements tried to limit the presence of drunkenness in public. [under breath] I guess you all would be in trouble then... [class snickers] OH, I'm surprised that anyone got that. You are just lumps in class, turds if you will, to sit and not move until the end of class: cowpatties.
There are cruises in the Bahamas. Half of you will be going there on your honeymoons, that is if anybody wants you...
What is the American Military doing in Columbia? Come on, what do they have there?? [class answers "sugar?"] Sugar? SUGAR?? Sheah! the kind you put up your nose, COCAINE!
Upton Sinclair's THE JUNGLE: It may be the most important book you'll never read!
I hate economics, it drives me nut$!
A republican president causes depression, a democrat causes war.
You spend most of your lives, most of your short miserable little lives, here in school.
I don't give tests to destroy your averages, even though sometimes they do...
Kids are not very smart people.
I remember taking disco classes in gym. It was the worst thing I remember from school.
Prostitution: the world's oldest profession.
At this time [1920's] there was no DWI. Not yet. Maybe they were drunk on their horses, I dunno...
He he, the Polish Mafia, sheah right...
I don't know how a man in a wheelchair has extramarital affairs, but hey it happened...
I don't know how you feel, but dieing would certainly ruin my presidency.
Here they have American ships. But hey! Put British flags on 'em and look, they're British!
Outta' this deal, all we got was some islands with nice beaches and coconuts.
Ford will pardon Nixon for all crimes that he may have committed. So much for our GREAT SOCIETY...
That's right, you dont pump gas, you are a petrolium transfer technician.
If someone slaps you, you punch 'em!
Money is the root of all evils.
Benedict Arnold is the #1 hated character in American history. I guess that makes Linda Tripp The 2nd...
The depression was like a flushing toilet: everything goes down the drain. Well, hopefully everything, but I won't go any further with this analogy.
A tutor is a recipe for failure.
It doesn't matter if you are a multi-billionaire like Bill Gates, or a poor teacher like me, it's all the same...
[student says] Those maps are huge, you're gonna kill yourself. [to which he replies] Guaranteed, if I kill myself, I'm takin' some of you with me...
Welfare is a wonderful thing...
Let's say Russia launches a missile. It soars up to outer space, and over to the US, blowing up America. With SDI [the strategic defense initiative] the US sees the Russian missile and shoots its own missile into outer space to blow it up. And that's like hitting a bullet with a bullet. Now that's a hard thing to do, so fast up there in outer space... It's Hard! Tell ya what, if you wanna know what I'm talking about, how about you and your buddy go out into the woods with 22's, stand about twenty feet apart, and try it. Try to hit each other's bullet. Then come back and tell me how it went...
A true athlete is judged solely by his ability to balance on one foot, and the ability to juggle a soccer ball.
NEW FOR 2001/2002!!!
...The best thing the Indians could have done was kill all the white people...
...And the colonist were like "screw you! [England]"
The royal family is...well, trashy
The US was like the crying child in the candy store...
John Adams was the Johnny Cochrin (sp) of his time...
Red is really an embarrassing colour for a boy to wear.
Girlfriends are only good for fetching things for the boyfriend and running his errands.
I don't like going shopping. Me and my wife go shopping, she picks something out, says it looks good one me, we buy it and get the hell out.
You think the Al'queida is bad, wait 'til you get a load of Mr. Pfohl!!!.
*****MORE TO COME*****
