OCTOBER 12th, 2002
Today, I feel beautiful... Not in the sense of looks, but I mean personality-wise. Why? Because I'm completely aware about who luvs me and who cares about me! Well, I've always known, but today, I feel it more than usual. Tomorrow, I'm having a small celebration-type thing with SOME of my friends. I wish I were celebrating it with all my friends, but a lot of them can't make it. But it's not all that important. At first, I made a big deal out of it, but in the end, I realized that it isn't really that big of a deal and it really isn't that important, so I coped with myself and made myself feel much better. *smiles* I'm excited about tomorrow, like I may have mentioned, but maybe not!OCTOBER 15th, 2002
Today, I feel happy, cuz I got turtle earrings! Yesterday was my birthday and I'm finally 17!! I feel so... OLD!!!!!!!! Someone make me young again! Not TOO young, actually... A few years'll do.. I'm not asking for much.. Just maybe 10 or more years? hehehe... ^^ Okay, okay, okay.. So maybe that IS a bit much... But still.. I wanna be a kid again!!OCTOBER 16th, 2002
Eh.. I've been tired, so I've only got these quiz results to post up. Besides, I suck so much at codes and stuff, what else COULD I put? ;) Oh well, this page hasn't been opened to the public yet, so I should stop talking to myself! Oh, my God! You know what's totally totally hilarious? I don't even LIKE to eat ketchup! Nor do I even eat it frequently!! Plain fries are cool! Let me eat my stupid fries in peace!! Just kidding... Me got no food.. No want any!OCTOBER 17th, 2002
Well, today I got a present from Liana and it's SO cool because she used the COOLEST thing to wrap it! ^^ hehehe.. Yupyup, I'm just like a little child; the wrapping amuses me more than the gift itself sometimes ;) hehehe.. Anyway, her present to me WAS extremely cool because it had a lotta stickers with it and you all know how big of a sticker freak I am! Annie knows, too! Annie peed in her pants today! Gramma sat on Annie's spirit, too! *thinks* What else? Oh, yeah, Annie's smack on my ass turned out kinda wrong and it hurt her AND me SO badly! (Good job, hubby!!) ^^ Welps, despite all that, I still luv my hubby so very much! Bubba luvs you!!!! I'm so happy that I'm married to you because you help make me the luckiest wifey around!! *mmuwha!!* Hehehe.. I guess at the moment I AM happiness! Why? Because I'm looking forward to getting a massage tomorrow cuz I'm TOTALLY sore! Also because I know that I am totally loved and luved! And I totally love and luv!! o.O heheheOCTOBER 18th, 2002
Nothing much has happened today that is really worth mentioning... We had a fire drill today and it was freaking cold, but that's really not all that important, now, is it? I did well on my french quiz, but that don't matter much.. I think I probably FAILED my chem test, but that don't matter, cuz it's just a stupidity problem of mine ;) All I really/most importantly want to say is "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JORDAN!!!!" ^^ *claps* Here's to the world's best big bwother (in my opinion)!! *laffs* I think they should have a parade for you, because you're always there for me when I need you the most! (*laffs* I'm so weird today.. Whatever I'm saying doesn't really all tie together, nor does it make much sense.. I blame it on Sharon's flu buggies!! I'm not USUALLY like this... 0=) )Thank you so much! What would I do without you? Anyway, more quizzies!!!!!OCTOBER 25th, 2002
Whoo-hoo!! Pro-D day today!! I woke up and stitched for hours and hours (well, 9 to be exact) and now, my wrist is in total pain. I can barely even move it properly, let alone try and type correctly! I won't type too much, because having to hit backspace so much is starting to make me frustrated! Anyway, I got bored when I got online, so I went to Quizilla and did more quizzes again. (Yeah, I know, I should get a life ;) ) Oh, oh, oh, guess what? We got our graduation pictures from Artona back on the 21st and I was SOoOOOoooOOOOOOoo surprised because not all of my pictures looked bad!! Most of them actually looked quite nice! *laffs* I'm actually looking FORWARD to purchasing pictures and giving them to my friends!!OCTOBER 30th, 2002
SMUPEE!NOVEMBER 5th, 2002
I just wanted to say happy berfday to "mommy" and Yuli! Sowie I'm a day late, but I didn't get a chance to post anything in my journal cuz I was working on my Grad Message page!! Sowie! Well, you two probably aren't reading this, so you won't know that I remembered, but nevertheless, happy belated berfday!!NOVEMBER 12th, 2002
Today, I made Kool-Aid (TM) and I did something SO stupid!!NOVEMBER 22, 2002
It was my last day for the next week at school and yeah... I'll be gone for 10 days and for all you day two people, I'll see you all on Dec 2nd, and then the next time after that will be the 9th! So there you go! I know some of you will miss the harassment that I provide you guys with and I'll miss harassing you guys as well! (Especially Jane!!! But we both harass each other so it's all good!! Down with the pineapple, up with our Mental Club!!) Anyway.. I can't believe how horrible most things are going this year... I can't believe some of the things that have happened and some of the decisions that some people have made. But since I can't change anything, I'm not even going to start to worry or get upset about it. There's nothing I can do, and quite frankly, pretty soon, there's nothing that I'm going to WANT to do. If people wish to live their lives so that they hurt others, then it's fine with me! I'm not staying here for long, anyway! Three years and seven months, and I'm outta here!! (Most people think it should be four years and seven months, but I'm going to be working my butt off taking summer courses so I can get out of here faster. Don't take it the wrong way, though! There will be a lot of you that I will miss and a lot of you that I'll always need. But, on the other hand, there are also a lot of you that I can't bear to see anymore. I'm not just doing this for myself, because I think this is something that will make everyone feel better about. In the end, all of you will thank me. Of course, I'll come and visit every once in a while. The first time that I'll come visit after I leave will be when I discover that pigs fly! So, you guys can wait for that day. And actually, you know what? Don't count on me telling you guys when I'm going to leave for Toronto, okay? I don't plan on telling anyone because that'll just make leaving harder for me and I don't want myself to cry about it and I certainly don't want anyone else to cry about it (I know a few who would...) So, one day, you guys will wake up and decide to do something with me and you'll call and someone will pick up and he or she'll say "I'm sorry, but Wendy left days ago. Didn't you know?" Then, you'll ask for a number you can call and that person will say "I'm sorry, but she didn't leave a number for anyone to call. I would give you the address, but she didn't leave one either. But, maybe you can try emailing her or something?" And then you'll frantically go online, and right when you hit [send], hotmail will tell you that the address you are sending the email to no longer exists and that you should try again with a different address or something. And then you'll go on ICQ, MSN, or Yahoo! Messenger, and you'll find out that I am no longer listed. Then, years and years will go by, and when the pigs start flying, I'll come visit and upon seeing me you'll all go "Hey.. You look kind of familiar. But not really. Do I know you?" and I'll just smile sadly and go "I don't think so." So.. Did you like my story? Hehehe.. Well, that's exactly what it is! A story!! To be serious, I WILL tell you guys when I leave, but it'll probably be on the day that I get on the plane. And I might leave a phone number and address with some people, but not all. Welps, it's getting late so this is going to end! I haven't eaten dinner so I'm going to go eat some salad!DECEMBER 13th, 2002
You know.. I don't really see why people would care whether or not I'm leaving after this year or whatever.. Does it really matter if I decide to move across the country? It's not like I'll never be around! Besides, if I didn't come back to visit, you guys could still come visit me!!! But anyway, no worries.. When I move, I'll come back to visit.. (one person for sure... and maybe four or five other certain ppl only...) Anyway.. My plans have varied and changed so much.. Only one person really knows the updated version.. and I don't think anyone else needs to know them at the moment, because no one really cares as much as that person.. At least, that's what I believe, since that person seems to be the saddest everytime I mention it! Well, hearts go out to that person! Thank you for always caring and thank you for always being there for me, no matter what!! (Btw, I'm not saying other people don't deserve thanks for this, too! But I'm just thanking this person because that person does it on a regular basis and never gets annoyed and yeah... It's hard work putting up with me every day!!!) Anyway.. I lost my train of thought.. But anyway... That's all I think...CONTINUATION of DECEMBER 13th, 2002
This week has been so hectic for me I don't think I want to get into the whole thing! But it's been pretty cool, too! Jane and Suzanne got me purple jammies!! It was my first christmas present of the year!! But I'm also counting it as half of my birthday present, because I'm hoping that Suzanne isn't going to try and make up for my birthday present, which she kept forgetting to bring. YuLi came to visit yesterday, but today, she left to go to Taiwan again. She won't be back until January.. She says that she'll be mailing my birthday card to me, since she keeps forgetting to bring it when she visits. Btw, Speedy says hi to you all! The Mental Club is such an active club.. We spend all of our time acting mental.. it's all MONOPOLY (right, Jane? ;)) (I luv you, Jane!!!) Lunch was cool today because Holly sang to me... She sang our song.. plus something by 112? something numbery... and it was called.. either "your letters" or "our letters" or something like that... I forgot cuz I have a vewie short-term memory at times... And then she sang some other song, but I forgot to ask what song it was.. I didn't wanna interrupt her beautiful singing.. (I luv you, Holly!!!!) Afterschool, Liana and I were working on our graphics projects and Linda was there, too! (I luv you, Liana! I luv you, Linda!) And after our math quiz, I got to bug Annie lots.. Cept she lost her lip balm, so I couldn't take it like I usually do.. I wipe a buncha sparkles on her, though! (I luv you, Annie!!!/Hubbie!!!) And then after me and Liana left graphics, we went to our lockers and we saw Alice, Paul, and Brian and Alice was like "Gumbi!!!!" when she saw me.. (I luv you, Alice!!!) And then Paul and Brian probably gave me weird looks.. but oh welps.. it's a requirement for being in the Mental Club.. You're supposed to make ppl want to send you to an institute! ;) (I luv you, Paul!!!!! I luv you, Brian!!!!) Oh, and today, Doug came to visit us from Surrey.. I didn't getta talk to him, but I'm sure he was having fun! (I luv you, Doug!!!) And today was my English presentation day.. I'm sorry that Jimmy, Bryan, and Jordan had to put up with it.. (I luv you, Jimmy!! I luv you, Bryan!! I luv you, Jordan!!) And then of course, there was study block, which was lots of legal fun ;) Thanks to Jane Lee, Jan, Suzanne, and Bob for putting up with me! Don't forget we're all going to the Winter Concert together!! (I luv you, Jane!!!! I luv you, Jan!! I luv you, Suz!!!/Big sis!!! I luv you, Bob!!!) Oh my gosh.. I have so many ppl to say "I luv you" to!! This entry is already so long.. *argh*.. Welps.. How about this.. I LUV YOU ALL!!!JANUARY 31, 2003
Hello, Journal!! **NOTE NOTE NOTE!! THE BACKGROUND THAT I AM USING FOR MY JOURNAL AT THE MOMENT IS A SKETCH/PICTURE THAT SARAH MARIE (GONZALES) DREW FOR ME! I REALLY REALLY LOVE IT BECAUSE IT LOOKS SO COOL!! I HOPE SHE DOESN'T MIND THAT I'M USING IT!!** This MIGHT be a short post because I'm not really in the mood to write lots.. Lots has happened during this past month and everything feels so CRAZY.. Jane is cool ^^ (both Janes!) Jane Mehai might be my date to the Grad Dinner and Dance! ;) *laffs* and maybe for the Grad Breakfast, too! But I might be Annie's date, too! (hehehe.. Annie is my HUBBY and Jane is supposed to be my 'boyfriend' ;) ) Anyway.. Today, in Math, both Jane and I agreed that trig identities are FUN!! She likes 'em and I love 'em! And then, in Law, Jan did an evil evil thing to me!! I can't believe you, Jan!!! XP!! But anyway.. then, in study block, I hung out a bit in the library with Jane until Jan came along and we went to the cafeteria together, where I then noticed that Doug had come to visit already! I had no idea because I didn't expect him to be in the cafeteria with Ling, of all places!! Gosh!! ^^ Anyway.. after that was lunch and the little group I spend those 45 precious minutes with had a fun time.. We laughed.. and then laughed.. and then I believe we laughed some more!! I tried to go unaffected by the headache I had gotten during Law due to a certain person I DON'T want to mention.. And then after English, I went home.. Of course, that was after I got Jane and Liana to let me leave.. Actually.. I didn't really get them to let me leave.. I more or less told Annie to distract them as I went home in the opposite direction!! ^^ Then, I got home... and that's when the semi-breakdown occurred! It sounds stupid, even to me, but this thing really DOES affect me greatly but not because it is so important to me. Rather, it puts a lot of stress and frustration on me because I just don't understand why it had to come down to this and I honestly don't know why he does the things that he does. I'm about to go CRAZY here!!!FEBRUARY 1, 2003
Welps, the clock just struck midnight and I guess it's Chinese New Year's now. I should be in bed.. but anyway.. I should post something in my journal, since quite a bit has been on my mind. I actually don't feel so bad right now because I've been able to talk it over with one of my bestest (maybe even my best) best buds earlier in the evening.. and having been able to get some things off my mind, I feel a bit less stressed.. I don't know what I would do without you (you know who you are).. But I guess we'll find out soon enough, eh? I don't want to find out, as much as you don't want to.. But let's face it.. It's gotta happen some time or another.. And it's not like I won't visit.. You're supposed to be the strong one! You're supposed to let me get upset and cry, while you tell me things will be okay. If even YOU don't believe it.. how will I be able to keep telling myself that lie? But, just so you know, I WILL hold you to your word! You said that you would come visit me on one of my birthdays after I move over there! I hope you will keep your word and I hope on one of my birthdays, I'll go home and see you there on my doorstep, all ready to say happy birthday to me!! Speaking of that.. Did you know you have never spent a birthday with me? But that doesn't matter.. The things you do for me on a regular basis more than makes up for that!! But, in all seriousness, I really do have the greatest bunch of friends in the world.. No matter what I put each and everyone of you through, you all still luv me, nevertheless, and I hope we'll all keep in touch.. You guys are amazing people and it would be MY loss if we didn't. And for all of you out there who are interested in knowing, I just wanted to officially post that May 2006 will be free-WeN-hugs-month! Don't forget to get your share!! Of course, one or two people will be getting more hugs than others, seeing as how they always miss free-WeN-hugs-afternoons, WeN-hug-exchange times, and give-WeN-some-hugs days.. Having seen their disappointment in missing those moments, that month is partially dedicated to them!! Consider it a Goodbye gift from me to you two (you should know who you are)!! Anyway.. Lately, a lot has been stressing me out and causing me to snap at totally innocent people! And I really do apologize to you guys for that! I know there are times when I should smile because of how much it means to you guys.. And I'm sorry that I cause you guys to frown because I don't.. But I really do want to thank ALL those who have tried to cheer me up. Not just lately! I owe thanks to those who have tried to cheer me up in the past, as well.. You guys know me.. it's hard to cheer this lit'l BRAT up.. And I know two or three of you are really really good at it.. And I know a few of you really know how to make me smile.. even if I don't totally cheer up! (Holly, you and your singing never fails to make me smile!! And Annie.. Your husbandly ways are just TOO funny!! Same with Jane and Liana.. you two always say the funniest things and I can never let a lunch hour pass without you two cracking me up!! Even if it's because of your [Liana's] horny vegetable, taking advantage of Jane! Even if I show up at the lockers unhappy, that lit'l yellow guy always makes me smile!!) I hope you guys know how thankful I am to have all of you!! I should ESPECIALLY thank my pillow [the human one of course!!] for listening to ALL my petty little problems and my stupid little complaints! If I could put you into a cardboard box and ship you over to Toronto with me, I would! But all in all, THANK YOU!!!!FEBRUARY 25, 2003
"You were not here when I was sad, and you were not here when I was happy. I don't blame you because there was no possible way that you could have known that I needed you. But I do feel let down, because you have always said that anytime that I needed you, you would be here for me. You said that everything would be okay, but they aren't. Things are getting worse and there isn't anything I can do to stop it. I found out that good things come to an end, and my much appreciated "free" time has been stolen from me and I am back to the days where I watched in fear. The shivers still come and the tears won't stop. Yet, again, you are not around and no one else is around to make the problem go away, either. I really can't see what I did wrong with this, but I know that I am nearly that point where I can no longer handle this. Maybe, one day, you'll see how much I needed you and hopefully, that day will not come too late, for I only have so much sanity inside of me." So, as it can be so obviously seen, I changed my background again. The message that is on it should read "Do you believe in me.. like I believe in you?" It's 9:45pm on this Tuesday evening, and I haven't eaten anything for dinner yet, and I haven't even started to give hydrolysis so much as a glance. A lot has happened within these past two days... First off, yesterday was a totally horrible day for me, because I found out that my grandmother was taken to the hospital after she passed out during the middle of lunch with my aunt. She can hardly eat and hardly talk now, and things just seem to be getting worse and worse. Then there are issues that I'm dealing with.. And I know I should sit down and have a talk with those people, but I just can't find the strength to bring myself to talking to them, because I don't think I'm ready to deal with what I'm going to have to face. I suppose I have a lot of decisions to make regarding those issues.. Maybe it's about time I learned to let go.. Maybe it's about time that I finally closed down Slaves, Co and returned Ranex Corp to its rightful owner. I've been giving it much thought, and I've decided to have a company meeting on friday (hopefully) so that matters will be cleared and/or dealt with before I'm gone for the night on Saturday. Anyway, today, I found out my AP English mark, and I was MORE than relieved to find out that I had achieved an A.. It took much work and MUCH stress, but I'm still glad I got an A.. It's been quite a while since I've posted a journal entry, and I guess that's because I've been preoccupied by all the rustle and bustle of post-secondary acceptance stuff, that I've really had to deal with. Fortunately, earlier in the month, I was notified that I had already been admitted unconditionally into both SFU and UBC, which makes me feel as if a HUGE burden has been lifted off my back. But then, now the hard part is trying to choose between the two. I know that I've always had my mind set on SFU, but then after much thought, I realized that since so many of my friends are going to be attending UBC, if I were to choose SFU, they might as well consider me to have moved away the day after graduation!! I know that I've made promises to a few people about how much communication we'll have after graduation, but then.. aren't I kind of known to break promises? I know you all forgive me in the end.. but.. anyway.. Annie, don't worry about that "plan" I told you about earlier in the year about what I was going to do... I know you'll all hate me if I went through with it, and in the end, I know I don't want that, so you don't have to worry about me doing that. BUT.. You, on the other hand, (JUST you, Annie) will have to worry about me not telling you when I'm moving.. One day, you're going to end up calling me and someone will pick up the phone and tell you that I've already moved and that I didn't leave a number for others to call me!! :P Yupyup! I'm just THAT mean!! And if I end up choosing not to go to the Grad Cruise, then I'll consider rethinking that!! Anyway.. I recall you said something today about a divorce ;) ;) Hehehe... Just kidding.. Anyway, I love your laugh, too ;) So, now, I have a hubby (Annie) and a boyfriend (Jane Mehai).. I think I have room for at least one love affair! Any takers? ;) ;) Applications and a thorough background check is required ;) But, anyway.. Upcoming things that may appear on my webpage are the following: THE WEN BUG PAGE, PICTURES!! [not of me], AND MUCH MUCH MORE!MARCH 18, 2003
Quite a lot has happened recently; for example, Spring Break has begun. Grad Cruise was on the 14th. I finished the scarf I was knitting, on the 15th. Slaves Co also closed down on the 15th, and Ranex Corp was returned. And also, a lot of small things have also happened within the past little while. For instance, I finally was informed who had been pissing both Jan and me off in Law lately, and I must say, of the two people Jan and I had suspicions about, I'm glad that one of them wasn't the one who did it, because if it had been him, I think I would have been really really disappointed. Not in him, but rather in myself. I know I have a lot of sentence fragments (well, more than usual) but that's because that's how I'm feeling right now. Very broken. Anyway, the Grad Cruise was lot of fun. It was nice to be able to forget about everything that was on land, and just focus on what I wanted to focus on--my thoughts. I did a lot of thinking on the boat, and I've been trying to convince myself of some things, and so far, I'm half way there. But.. I don't know.. It's hard to get myself to let go of things that I've taken so much time to get attached to. Sometimes, life is so hard. I'm not really sure what I want, but I think after a lot of thinking, I've finally been able to determine the different things that I want, and the different things that I can't let myself want. Throughout the past little while, I haven't been talking to many people online. Actually, I don't think that I've talked to many people, period. Ever since the Grad Cruise, I don't think I've even left the house. I'm too sick to, anyway. After a week of wearing capris to school and everywhere else, you'd think I'd have the intelligence and common sense to refrain from wearing shorts at home. This past weekend, I have had to say Good-bye to Slaves, Co, and I have had to say Good-bye to a part inside of me. I have said my farewell to the company, and my slaves... well.. I haven't talked to them very much about it, for I don't want to know what affect this has had on them. I know that they must appreciate their freedom again, but I am still afraid that if I were to ask them how they felt about the closure, that I would find out that I made the wrong choice. I don't want to regret closing Slaves Co. I can't take the company back, because I have already gone through the long process of preparing myself for its closure. Company notices had gone out. Announcements had been made. I ended it and I can't make that fact go away. There's nothing to discuss and there's nothing that I would like to discuss. Anyway, in case any former Slaves Co worker is reading this, please know and keep in mind that there will be a reunion in 10 years. Maybe you will show up, and maybe you won't. I don't know how important Slaves Co had been to you, but I hope you five know that it meant the world to me and deep inside, it had always been a dream of mine. Thanks to you five, for helping me complete one of the many dreams that live inside of me. Though many of my dreams are broken, I am glad that this one got to come true for four years, before I broke it. It's not so bad, though, so don't feel sad. Afterall, instead of having you guys work for me, I now have the chance to work alongside a few of you. Of course, I'm talking about my proud new job as the Minister of Education in Mandeep's Government. I am proud of that job and I hope that job with last. I've known her for almost eight years... Yup, you heard me right. Eight years. Shall I mention that I've been in Vancouver for almost eight years? Yeah.. She and Jan are the two people here in Vancouver whom I have known the longest and have stayed friends with the longest. I know I go a LONG way back with Mandeep, and I'm more than thankful to have her in my life, even now. Same with Jan. Jan was the first friend that I met in Vancouver, and I am totally amazed that she hasn't gotten tired of me yet. What amazes me even more is that she and I have never had a fight where we stopped talking to each other. I hope she knows that her lit'l godsis luvs her a lot and that no matter where either of us go, she will always be in my heart and on my mind. I know that I have a long list of best friends and things of the such.. and I never doubt that they will forever remain on that list. And then, there's one person who is at the top of that list. I know that person knows who I am talking about. That person has been there for me through SO much, I know that I could choose no other person to be my bestest bestest bestest best friend. When I cry, that person is the first to try to cheer me up. When I'm happy, that person is the first to let me know how great it is that I'm smiling again. When I'm bored, that person is the first to let me know that I can call them if I wanna hang out. No matter what emotion is running through my mind, and no matter what kind of tantrum I am throwing, that person always stays with me, and never fails to provide me with the support that I need to get back on my feet. I hope that person knows how much I luvs them and how much I'll always need them, although sometimes, I seem a bit like I don't. And I'll always remember that person's words, because not only does it apply on their part, but it is also something I wish to say to that person. "I'll always miss you when you're not here with me." I promise you that I'll luvs you forever. You'd better not forget the promises that you made me. I'll be expecting that visit in a few years! I'd also like to apologize to many many people. I know that I've broken a lot of promises in the past, and I am angry at myself for doing it. It's just so hard to have to be who I am, and also be the WeN that everyone else knows. We're not the same person, and we never will be. WeN isn't my alter ego. I don't know what to call it. WeN just doesn't exist when I'm at home. WeN doesn't exist when I'm not with friends. Right now, I'm just me. I'm not WeN. I don't even know if it's right to say that WeN is a show that I put on for everyone. I'm not sure if this is the real me, or if WeN really is the real me. All I know is that WeN doesn't stay in the house with me. And sometimes, I wish she did. Sometimes, she is with me when I am online; she is my happy, hyper side. Sometimes, she bails on me; that is when I am forced to bear the pain and hurt without any help. WeN is not my friend, nor is she my enemy. She is she, and I am me. The end.MARCH 19, 2003
Well, not much has happened today. Today was the first study session for the Chemistry study group that I have established. Friday is the first study session for the Math study group that I made. First off, if anyone is interested in joining this study group, please contact me and don't forget to leave your active email account because otherwise, I wouldn't know where to send the information regarding upcoming study sessions. Also, please remember that these are study sessions and are not teaching sessions. Please do not expect to show up and have all the material taught to you, because that's not how studying works. After having very.. weird conversations with Jane at the library, I came home rather SOAKED... Not exactly my idea of fun--*sneeze*--... But anyway, today wasn't exactly a happy day for me. The person I usually tell everything to wasn't online for me to talk to today (like it has been for the past little while..) so I've decided to talk to my journal instead. Well.. Today, my mom told me that my grandmother had been taken to the hospital this morning.. and then, just as I was leaving for the library, my dad called home and told my mom and me to go to the hospital asap, because my grandmother was in critical condition and her bp was down to 50. (I, unfortunately, did not go, because not only did I have to show up for the study session, I also didn't think I would be able to handle the visit. Not only because I was extremely unprepared to see my grandmother, who had recently lost 20 pounds within the last two weeks, but also because I don't know what I could, or would, say to her. Afterall, I am not her favourite. Heck, I think I'm her least favourite. I don't believe she has the right to dislike me merely for the fact that I'm a girl, but nevertheless, I'll still respect her.) Lately, she has been suffering from some eating problem.. Everytime she tried to eat something, she would end up throwing it up. As a result for this, she has been frequently passing out from malnutrition... Today, she had passed out again, and my cousin immediately called the ambulance and she was taken to the hospital. Then, at the hospital, the doctor said that her situation was extremely dangerous, because it was getting close to the point where emergency surgery might be required. The doctor said he was afraid that, if she were to need the surgery, it would mean that her cancer cells had come back and were spreading throughout every part of her body. The doctor suggested that if things worsened, it might be best if they gave her a shot. This shot was one that was going to put her to sleep--in a way, like pulling the life support plug. Fortunately for all of us, shortly after that, she regained consciousness and the shot wasn't necessary. But anyway.. shortly after that, the hospital released my grandmother and told my dad, aunt, and uncle to take my grandmother to the family doctor because the hospital could not help her, unless she passed out again. The way the world works amazes me...MARCH 21, 2003
It's the first day of spring, supposedly.. The season of life and renewal. It's funny, though. Not only do I not feel very lively, I feel rather drained. Probably from excessive thinking.. I didn't get much sleep. But that wasn't only because I was thinking about nonsense.. But rather because my health has been plummetting and it's been affecting me more than I thought. I've been trying to take care of myself, but it really is a harder job than it sounds! I should have listened to my mom! She didn't want me to go out today, because of the way I've been feeling lately, and I didn't listen, and took a long time to convince her to let me go. I really need to learn to listen to people! Well, anyway.. I think I've been convinced 50%, by my mom, that I should go see the doctor to get myself checked out. First off, I think my blood pressure is a tad bit lower than it should be, and that would HOPEFULLY be the reason for my spurts of coldness/shivers.. It would probably definitely be part of the reasoning for my cold feet and hands... And partially for the lightheadedness.. At least that's what I would believe it to be.. Because my mom has low blood pressure and she experiences the headaches and lightheadness that I do.. Plus the shivers, too. But the cold hands and feet on the other hand.... Anyway.. She also wanted me to get my back checked out, too, because sometimes, if I walk around for a while (ie, when I go shopping) my back starts hurting really badly.. So, yeah.. I think those are the only two things that I'll consider having checked out... My knees aren't as important anymore.. Although they may be, since I'm considering taking up jogging again. I should be feeling sleepy right now because I slept at 2am.. But instead, I feel very drained and weak.. This week has been less than.. ideal for me.. And in a way, I'm glad that it's finally over. Experience Exams are coming up and I've been trying to prepare myself for it. First off, I would like to tell the people in the two Study Groups that I feel it is only fair that I remind you guys that the sessions aren't for me.. They're there because you guys wanted help studying for the exams. If you don't need the study group and if you don't need my help, please tell me! These unnecessary trips to the library in the cold and rain do more damage to me than you people are aware of, alright? Anyway.. That's all for now...MARCH 22, 2003
Today has been a very sunny day, and regretfully, I woke up with slightly puffy eyelids, because I spent an hour or so crying last night. I don't want to say why, yet, because I still haven't gotten over this yet, so I'd rather not mention it. I don't want to cry again, because I feel so.. broken right now, if more tears come, I won't be able to hold them back. I've been thinking a lot.. and I realize that although many people break the promises that they make to me, (many, not all) it's not right for me to break any promises to anyone. Well, all in all, I don't have very much to say today.. At least I don't think I do.. I just wanted to put the following, because I promised someone (you should know who you are) that I would sing this for them (yeah.. I know. Faulty pronoun reference. Too bad!) so I decided to post this on.