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| .:~*Past Messages*~:. |
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| People who wanted to take a step into the past |
| i realized that a lotta the ppl in this world have a crazy twisted mind... jes recently today, i heard something that harsh pissed me off... apparently, some ppl out there think there's something more than jes sibling-ry <i know there's no such word, but you get what i mean> between me and my big bwother, J.. and if you are one of those ppl, i jes wanna tell you that you are a NASTY person who is in desperate need of a therapist. i luv him as a BIG BROTHER and nothing more... if you ppl think of your siblings in that way, even God can't save you now.. and i swear to God, if this continues, there WILL be hell to pay! if ANYTHING sabotages the brother/sister relationship i have with my big brother, i WILL be pissed off because i was never blessed with a decent big brother until now. i luv my big brother and my big sis VERY much.. and if you ppl wanna twist that into some SICK rumour, well, all i hafta say is BITE ME! -------------------------------------on the lighter side of my life---------------------------------------------- after that horrid message, i don't know if i'm in the mood to update my page any further.. but i will, anyway. but seriously, is there a problem with two siblings actually getting along? i mean.. jes cuz other ppl have dysfunctional families, doesn't mean that i have one, too... i have a perfectly fine family.. i got a great big brother, a great big sister, a healthy grampa and my parents... i luv em all jes the same and they know that... if anybody wants to mess with what i have left in my family, they WILL pay a price... losing my gramma was bad enuff and if i hafta lose ANY of them, i swear, i WILL kill the person who caused it. to me, there's NOTHING more important than friends and family... and my big brother and big sister have been the best friends i could ever imagine.. and i cherish them greatly because of this and i don't want any misunderstandings to ruin what may be the ONLY decent things in my life.. i mean, yeah, i've got a BUNCH of GREAT friends that i luv with all my heart and if my friendships with them were somehow put at risk, there'll be hell to pay. if my relationships with my siblings and my friendships with the great best buds i have are endangered in any way, i swear, i don't care if you're my mom, or dad, or what.. you WILL be sorry because if you plan on screwing up my life when it's finally getting bearable, you have NO idea what you're in for. having gone through 7 years in a living hell, you have no idea how much pain and anger i have stored inside of me... and now that i've FINALLY found two GREAT siblings and group of BEST friends, and i'm not about to let anyone take then anyway from me, because i know my life will never get any better than this... so for those of you with the sick twisted minds.. SCREW OFF AND LEAVE MY LIFE ALONE!! ppl, look.. i'm not gonna be here much longer.. after graduation, there's the great possibility that you guys will never lay eyes on me again.. and all i will become is jes another high school memory.. and as i'm across the country, spending what's left of my life, we'll all grow farther and farther apart.. so PLEASE, jes let me cherish what i have now.. my big sis, suzanne, my big brother, jordan, and my GREAT best friends, bryan, ling, paul, brian, annie, jimmy, and a lotta other ppl who are undoubtedly the world's greatest buds.... these ppl are all either family or one of my best friends, and nothing more, so PLEASE.. don't ruin it for me or these other ppl... we're kids for 12 years.. and teenagers for merely 7 years... three of those are already gone for me... and there are only two more left in my high school years.. i wanna be able to graduate, knowing that i can look back on these moments and realize that for at least a few years in my life, it was worth living... i had almost everything.. two great siblings, and at least 6 great best buds... if stupid rumours cause me to lose everything i have now, what do you expect me to do? live on and pretend like i'd never met any of them? maybe some of you can do that.. but i can't... when friends and family walk into my life, they rarely ever do leave my heart... do you ppl realize that the heart does more than jes love? it's a place for memories.. those certain moments in life when you felt that you were on top of the world and there wasn't anything that you couldn't overcome.... ppl who know me the best, will know that i have a very distinct separation between love and luv.. love is for objects and that 'someone'.. luv is for family and friends.. and you know.. all i have left in my heart is luv for my friends and family and love for objects.. that's all.. so i hope no body will mistake me for having any relationship between anyone unless it's brother/sister relationships, or jes plain friendships. these 8 ppl have made me realize that, the cruel place it is, vancouver isn't ALL bad... through all the darkness, there IS some light... and i luv em all for helping me get through the hardest thing i've ever experienced.. being away from home.. these eight REALLY know how homesick i am and they know that i would do jes about anything to go home.. and i know they'll probably move the sun and the stars, in order for me to go home.. and knowing that i have these eight ppl by my side when i need them most, vancouver doesn't seem as bad as it did 7 years ago... i swear.. june 1994 was a life-changing moment... stepping foot into vancouver, after living away from home for a year, i thought my life was gonna end.. my whole world had been torn apart and i had been left to pick up the pieces, alone and without a friend... it's hard to keep in touch with a friend who's across the country and you're so busy, you can't help but forget to do that one thing that could keep you guys together... i've lost too many friends this way.. and it's the way it always turns out.. i've been trying to spend more time with these eight ppl.. especially my big brother and my big sister.. but i know suzanne hasta work and she's got a lot going on in her life.. and i don't wanna be a bother to her.. so i spend more and more time with my big brother, because before i step outta all your lives and into another one, alone, i wanna be able to leave some nice memories with you guys... after grad, everyone's gonna go their own separate ways.. and i swear to God, i will miss them all so much... i know everyone will go down their own paths.. and by chance of fate, we're still on the same path right now.. as a group.. helping each other as we struggle through this journey called high school... and.. i wanna be here for you guys, for the remaining 21 months... seriously guys.. time goes by faster than we think.. and the eight ppl i mentioned before are the most important ppl in my life.. and i wanna be here for you guys, as much as i can before we split up and go down our own paths, alone and without help.. it's gonna be a hard journey.. i know.. but.. when we're going down our own paths, we'll find others that will join us and help us when we need them.. but.. you guys needta understand that when you're walking down that path of life, i wun be there.. i wun be there to support you guys.... to listen to you guys.. to talk with you guys.. to keep you guys from being lonely.. because through your future experiences, you'll meet new friends.. who will do that for you.. and i wun be there anymore... and trust me.... you guys won't need me.. but now.. in the present.. we're going through some of the most frustrating years in life... and i wanna do my best to be here for each of you eight.. because you guys have done so much for me.. i know so many ppl who are so strong, mentally.. but you all know that i'm not strong.. i'm a weak person... and you eight have given me the strength to stand.. and i wanna thank you with all my heart.. and spending more time with you guys is the least i can do to show how much i appreciate all that you've done for my own good.. no matter what happens in life, you eight will always remain in my heart and no matter WHAT happens, i WILL write a book dedicated to each one of you eight because if it weren't for you, i don't know WHERE i'd find the support to pursue with whatever it is i choose to do... and.. i hope the fact that i wanna spend more time with you guys doesn't start any rumours, because the only intention i have is to make the most of my life, while i still can.. i wanna make sure i cherish every day, hour, minute, and second i spend with you guys.. because every second passed is a second lost.. and we're counting down, guys.. soon.. we're jes gonna be memories.. fading fast and dying with every day... and so.. i end this by saying i luv ya, to the following eight: suzanne, jordan, bryan, ling, jimmy, brian, paul, and annie.. i luv you all so much and you truly ARE the best group of friends i could ever ask for.. and trust me on this.. you'll all find your happinesses, and though i won't be there to wish you the best of luck, always know that you have it, and remember that you have my luv and blessings.. i know you guys can do great in anything you wish to achieve if you put your minds to it... it's merely that simple.. the mind is a powerful tool.. but the heart is, too.. --WeN |
| A Year In a Few Words (few my ass ^.<) As the year comes to its end, ms. mousseau decided to ask us to write any thoughts we had about the year and stuff like that... so i decided i would write an overview of my year.. rather than any great world event (one of which we ALL have in mind as i say that), i thought it'd be a nice update for my webpage if i wrote about the major events of my life... though there are few.. and i know, i know.. i'll probably miss out most of the stuff.. like the great friends i met and the friends i knew and just got to know better... (i'm sure you guys know who you are... and you guys are the ones who are my closest friends right now...) anyway.. the past year has been a real roller coaster ride, filled with its ups and downs.. and at some moments, life was even enjoyable... SOME moments.. though there were few.. and i MEAN, FEW... i might even be able to count all the good things that happened to me, on just a mere hand... well.. maybe it'd take two hands.. who knows? but anyway.. the bad things that have happened to me have greatly outweighed the good.. but when you live my life.. you learn to appreciate that, because you're disappointed by things a lot less... but hey.... what do ME know? i'm a disappointment myself! but anyway.. As the end of grade 10 drew near in early spring 2001, the realization that high school was coming near its end, as well, came to greet me and it hit me that in 2 short years, our journey in life together will come to an abrupt end and we will be forced to choose our own paths and walk on, with or without, a friend in hand. And so, with that realization in mind, i entered the summer of 2001 with only appreciation as my goal--appreciation of friends.. appreciation of time.. appreciation of life. i spent my first six weeks working at a summer day camp which resulted in myself neglecting my grampa, aunt, and cousin while they were on their rare once-every-four-years trip here from Toronto. Of the unseeming 21 days they spent in vancouver, i spent a total of 3 days with them, 2 of which being days i took time off volunteering to spend with them on a short trip to victoria which almost ended as a total bust because my cousin got seasick on the ferry. i soon realized that time really flies when you want it to freeze and stand still... the next thing i knew, they were already on a plane back to Toronto... after that, i continued with my work, as i watched my world crumble before me because emotions took over and life was something i could no longer handle alone... all summer, there was just ONE person who had time for me and cut me some slack (you know who you are and you know i shall forever thank you for it) .. i know now that there will be more who will do that.. but they weren't there when i needed it.. and i don't blame you guys... because you guys just weren't given the chance and it's no biggie... by the middle of august, my work was finished, just in time to prepare for my dental surgery... after a month's worth of recovery, i was already into my second week of school. september would have to be my best month all year... because then, i realized that i had my big brother here to help me if i needed it, as long as my wonderful slaves.. my terrific best buds.. and my big sis... it was then that i could FINALLY get back onto my feet and face the world again... as the old me? i don't think so.. because over the summer.. my whole insight of the world changed.. and so.. Halia (ICQ#3*******) died and reborn was Keiki (ICQ#9********) and though the change wasn't a dramatic one, it was enough to make a difference in my life.. and by the end of september, i had created 'the special eight'.. though at this time and day.. it may soon be 'the special ten'... and as september flew past, october dragged on.. with work experience and the soccer games (speaking of which, it was truly an honour to be able to watch all but one of the games of my two soccer stars, paul and brian.. though you guys didn't win and unfortunately proved my pattern to be right, i hope you guys know that you guys played great and no matter what, you two will always be my soccer stars.. and when you guys become famous soccer players, don't forget to gimme your autographs.. or if you guys decide to become famous musicians.. welps.. i'll be there, front row, every concert!! ^.< and always remember that i have faith in you two and "we didn't lose the gold.. we won the silver") and my birthday and my big brother's birthday (you'd better like that cat, jordan!! it cost me a lotta blood!!! but it's alright.. as long as you liked it, the blood was well worth it... you know that no matter what, your sis luvs ya and knows that your journey in 18 months WILL succeed.. even though i may not be there to witness it become reality... you know my spirit will be there....) and every single piece of the puzzle falling outta place, i knew i was gonna fall and i KNEW i wasn't going to get back up.. and in my life.. october 19th, 2001 NEVER existed... and so.. coming out battered and worn, i made it through the 31 days and entered into november, only to discover the person responsible for my safety (my hired bodyguard) was leaving for a week to ottawa...(but hey.. i survived, didn't i, brian? aren't you so proud? ^.^) and soon, my slave #2 would be going in february as well... knowing this, i never felt more homesick in my life... i mean.. who would've thought that the lit'l girl longing to go home would be forbidden to go.. while her two friends, loving bc more than ontario, would get to go.. and hearing that it was a disappointment... i felt emotionally injured.. but what i can do about the thoughts of another? but anyway.. as i survived that obstacle, the rest of the month went by quicker than imagined... by the end of november, i had already recruited a total of four slaves (in order: jimmy, paul, doug, and yuli.. doug and paul being my lifetime slaves atm and i own brian, paul, doug, bryan, suzanne and yuli for now... though i'm still 'buying' ppl ^.<) and i had hired a bodyguard.. (who has recently, FINALLY been put back on duties after re-training... ) soon i realized that december was waiting just around the corner, with its "silver bells" and its "holy nights"... and as snow began to fall from the orange of the sky, the clouds were lit with shimmers of hope of a white christmas... . having grown up in Toronto, never a christmas went by when snow wasn't around.. or at least to my recollection... and now.. as the year is closing.. i realize that in order for a white christmas to occur in rainy vancouver.. it would take a miracle.. and a whole lotta praying... lucky for me.. praying hasn't been something that i was never willing to do... december, though seemingly short, wasn't filled with bad things... for one, i was able to watch 'scots on the rocks' 2 and a half times (a half because i only listened to it the third time) (btw.. bryan, this is DEFINITELY an excellent play and you ARE an excellent actor! the play wouldn't have been the success it was, had it not been for our star ^.< and when you decide to continue on with your acting in 2007.. be sure to let me know when you have any plays coming out, because i'll be sure to come and watch you.. no matter where i am.. let it be local.. provincial.. or national <does that make sense? oh welps.. lets just say it does ^.< >) and as there are but a few days left in the year, i realize, as well, how unproductive i have been all year, and for year 2002, i resolve to have a productive and memorable 365 days and to take life a day at a time and to appreciate and cherish all that i have because these ARE the "wonder years"--WeN signing off for 2001 |
| Welps, here I am, caught in the midst of the second half of the year 2002!! (Where have all the days gone?!!) Anyway, I'm FINALLY here to update, update, update! Keeping this webpage up to date and trying to squeeze in everything else in life is a LONG and sometimes tedious job.. I'm trying here!! So no complaints!!! =P Well, it's not that bad.. You guys have been really supportive these few weeks.. (months... years!!).. I'm sure you guys wouldn't even mind if it took me a couple of years to finish this webpage.. But, heck.. It's taken me almost three years already!!! It's not my fault though... I just can't seem to find the time! *AGH* I'm starting to get off topic now... Anyway... I'm not even going to START to get into the whole graduation thing. It's making me feel ANGRY about how short lived these high school days are... These few days, I've been rushing myself and trying to work on this webpage as well as my recent two projects, while trying to catch up on some summer reading! I've at least been able to create three new pages, "memories", "quotations", and my "gallery".. And as I worked on my memories page, I soon realized that YuLi is the one who has given me the most memorable pieces of writing.. Just ordinary things... and I've decided to give a BIG THANKS to MISS YULI CHEN!!! You're the coolest and I luv ya!!! Anyway... back to what I was saying.. I've been able to finish reading two books during this summer (yes, even with my hectic schedule every week!!), and one of which I had read before and was just reading again because I wanted some quick reads... Before I end off this message, I'll be sure to post a list of books that I've read recently or during this year that I think are great pieces of work. Everyone who's close to me knows about my totally packed summer filled with school (which i quit), work, chores, pains, and meanies... At least I was smart and took pictures of the good things and left the bad things back where they belong--in the past. It's been really really hard to juggle all those things, while also trying to work on my novel "A Walk Down Memory Lane" and my poetry book "Hope on the Horizon." I've made some progress, I suppose. In my poetry book, I've got about 12 pages done, already. For my novel, I have 27 HAND WRITTEN pages... And yeah... I'm progressing quite slowly on that.. but when you consider all the factors in my life this summer.. you can't really blame me! ^.^ But, I know that no one's blaming me... Anyway.. Me and my hubby (My hubby and I.. blah.. whatever!!) were gonna get a divorce this summer due to secret children and adoptions.. But we decided that (or, rather I decided that) we should stay together.. So I didn't divorce my hubby... For those of you who don't know who my hubby is, it's MISS ANNIE KHUU!! I luv you, hubby!!! ^.< Anyway.. I'm taking too much space... I won't have room for my list! So I'm gonna end off here, with a few last words regarding my memories page.. There are a couple of messages that mean THE WORLD to me and are so important to me, not just because of what's in it , but rather because of who wrote it. Because those messages mean so much to me, I just couldn't bear to bring myself to show it to the world, when they are so sacred... (NOT that I'm saying the other messages aren't sacred! They SO are! It's just, I posted those ones, knowing that they were publishable.. The messages I'm keeping to myself are ones that aren't publishable because to me, they're more than just memories...) Plus, before I have my list all typed out and stuff, I just wanna take a few seconds to say to the ppl that mean SO much to me, three simple words-- "I Luv You!!!" (SOME of the ppl included in this group of ppl who deserve this message are-- Annie Khuu, Brian Kinniston, Bryan Dunn, Colleen Chong, Douglas Sjostrom, Fiona Yuen, Frances Chong, Holly Whu, Janice Chong, Jenny Wu, Jimmy Ngo, Jordan Minamimaye, Liana Chung, Ling Tong, Marian So, Niki Chung, Paul Kinniston, Samantha Giang, Sam Li, Sharon Chang, Suzanne Tao, Tara Ma, YuLi Chen, and SO much more!!! I can't type that much!!) |
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