shouts

you know what? i jes recently realized that life can change right before your eyes in jes a matter of seconds... fate can lift you to the clouds and drop you lower than hell itself... when you're struggling to the top, life will give you a kick back down.. and you know what the greatest feeling from that is? knowing that there are ppl at the bottom, waiting to catch you.. and even if they miss and don't catch you, they'll be there to help you up.. to help you stand when you can't find the strength to stand anymore.. and i'm SO grateful to have found at least eight ppl who have caught me every single time i lost my balance and fell.. you eight have always been there to help me back onto my feet.. and words can't even start to express how much i appreciate it... i know that no matter what i do, i'll always have you guys waiting to catch me if i fall, and waiting to cheer me on if there ever was the need.. and i know that, though we will all go our own separate ways after graduation, at the end of our journeys, we shall meet again and we'll be able to share the lessons we've learned and stories of how we overcame our obstacles... in my life, i seriously have been through more than my feeble self could handle.. and.. through our journey together, i'm so grateful to have found a group of ppl i could lean on... you guys have been more than jes friends to me.. you guys have been my strength.. my will.. my hope... and honestly, it hurts so much to know that i'll hafta leave you guys one day.. but it will be for the better.. because as life continues, you guys will need me less and less... and soon... you guys wun need me at all... and i shall hafta go down my own path and look for new strength and will.. but despite that.. i hope you guys know that i'll luv you all, ALWAYS... i've been through so much crap.. and you guys all know that... moving here was one of the most dramatic changes in my life.. and to be honest with you all.. it may have been one of the worst.. don't get me wrong, though.. i luv you all more than you could EVER imagine.. my life here has been better off than i expected when i first moved here.. i swear.. i thought it was gonna be ten times as bad as it is now.. but it's not like it's that bad right now... my life is quite decent.. at this point of my life.... you know.. at the moment.. i feel so sad.. it's not because i'm homesick, yet again.. but it's because as every second goes by... i know we're closer to the end of this journey that we are trekking together.. soon.. we'll all say good-bye as we step into our roads and silently walk down without turning back... the past is a painful thing.. especially mine... because you guys truly dun understand the pain i feel.. you truly don't.. and believe me.. i'm grateful for that, because i don't want anyone to go through any of what i've gone through as a child... a mere child who knew nothing about the world.. forced to hate... forced to adapt to a whole new environment.. and you know.. i always thought to myself that i would never accept vancouver as a home away from home.. . because i don't believe anything else will be home.. but you know what? honestly, i'm starting to accept vancouver as a home away from home.. though it will never BE my home.. i've still been able to find a group of ppl i truly luv, that makes vancouver so much more bearable... and i jes wanna tell you eight that i luv you all SO much for that.. during the hard times in my life, when i need a friend the most, i know i dun hafta look far because you guys are always by my side, with a smile on your face, waiting to help me in any way i need.. and everyday, you guys greet me with a smile and fill my heart with warmth and luv.. nothing in the world could ever compare to that... you know what i jes noticed? i can imagine all eight of you with a smile on your face... the images are so strong and realistic.. it's as if you guys were all standing in front of me... maybe it's because i see those smiles every day.. waiting for me when i go to school,or waiting for me when i go online... thinking about it puts a smile on my face.. because in those smiles, i can sense the luv and care enclosed in it... yeah.. i truly see and feel them now... anyway.... i'll stop droning about stuff that'll make me cry.. but you guys know that i'm a HUGE crybaby.. jes about anything can set me off.. and i thank you all for not making me cry as much... i also know you all worry about me so much.. and i'm sorry that my health has been causing you guys to worry more.. with my rib pains, constant sprained ankles, my knee that keeps cracking, my back that hurts so much right now, my heart/chest pains, and many more.. and on top of all that, i have the flu.. and i apologize for causing you guys to worry about me so much.. i really dun mean to do it... i DO try to get sleep and stuff.. but sometimes, it's jes hard to maintain good health when i keep getting stressed out with the new jobs i have piled on top of me... thanks for bearing with me as i try to sort out my life.. and thanks for providing those missing pieces for me.. i dun think i could have found them without you guys... and i'm sorry i can't do much in return.. i jes want you guys to know that i'm here for you guys, no matter what... if you guys need me, i'm here.. if you guys dun need me.. well.. i'm here, too.. and if you guys need to cry.. i'm sowie, but i wun be here to comfort you guys or make you guys stop crying or fix all your problems.... instead, you can count on me to be here to cry with you and to provide you with a hug if that's what you need.... because i know in times of sadness.. words of comfort aren't always what you need.. instead, i promise to be here to listen.. i promise to luv you even more when you need me to.. because that's what i'm here for.. anyway.. i needta get the rest that i SO need.... so i'll finish this msg later.. with lots of luv and respect--WeN, who cherishes you all and will never let you guys go

--**the next day**-- well, i'm gonna try and finish updating this page... well.. i guess what i wanted to write here is jes a small msg to those special eight.. yeah, i know, i should be working on the personal pages and whatever i have to say, i can say there.. but i dunno.. i jes wanna write a short <yeah, right.. with me, that's not possible..> msg to them.. one that i can update and change as our journey nears its end and i have more things to say and moments of happiness to thank you guys for.. dun worry.. i know there will be many of those moments... i'll cherish all the memories.. good and bad.. i'll remember the smiles.. the laffter... the hugs.. the words.. and the tears.. i'll never forget them, as long as i live.. nothing can make me forget all the smiles that you guys have brought to my face.. and to those that aren't part of the special eight.. it's not because i dun luv you guys or you guys aren't special to me.. because you guys are.. and i luv you all, too.. but it's jes.. these eight have really made an impact on my life.. i dun think i could've done it without you guys.. and i'm sure there are a lotta you that have realy helped me along the way.. <ie, jenn, jan, etc> and you guys DO deserve some recognition.. and that's why i made personal pages.. because you each deserve some time in the spotlight.. cept here.. i wanna take the time outta my busy schedule to thank these eight ppl.. because they truly have been the best friends i could've ever asked for.. and dun get me wrong.. i'm not saying that you other ppl aren't good best friends... cuz i know you are.. but.. these eight have jes really gotten to know me over the past few weeks.. months.. and years... and i appreciate all the lit'l things you guys have done for my own good.. i didn't see it then, but i see it now.. and it's about time that i came to my senses and showed my gratitude towards you guys... you guys can't even BEGIN to imagine how much you've changed my life.. <YEAH, for the better!> you know what? the lyrics to amazing grace are racing through my mind right now.. especially the first two verses.. "amazing grace.. how sweet the sound.. that saved a wretch like me.. i once was lost but now am found.. was blind but now i see.. 'twas grace that taught my heart to feel.. and grace my fears relieved.. how precious did that grace appeart.. the hour i first believed.." i don't know why that's such an effective song.. it's been embedded in my head the moment i heard it... maybe it's cuz right now, i'm thinking about my baby godsis.. i miss her.. anyway.. i'm gonna try and be strong.. at least until i'm finished this... omg, ow.. *takes short breaths* i think most of you guys know what's wrong.. and if you don't.. you're better off not knowing.. but i'll be fine.. no worries <hey! i said no worries! stop worrying! oh, come on... please? fine! go ahead and worry! =P > anyway.. *thinks* what was i babbling about? hm.. oh well.. i'm gonna end up changing the topic, anyway.. ^.^ well.. let's see.. there was something i wanted to say.. but i forgot what it was... maybe i'll write a poem dedicated to the special eight... jes to say i luv you all..
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Friends will come, and friends will go
Real friends, through hard times, show
In laughter, in smiles, and in pain
Ever giving shelter, from the rain
Never giving up, always holding faith
Demolishing evil, unfearing human nor wraith
Standing strong, not willing to fall
Hoping to God, He'll bless us all
In spite of tears, the heart doesn't sever
Priceless as it is, friends are forever
-------copyright 2001, WeN productions
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welps, i hope you guys liked that poem.. i'm sorry if it doesn't sound too good.. i haven't put too much thought into it.. but i hope you eight like it anyway... when writing it, you guys were the only things in my mind... it's funny how things happen in life, you know? when you feel like you're on top of the world, it crashes and you're left alone to rebuild everything you lost.. but when you're at the lowest and most painful point of your life.. it's as if God knows... and then he sends his angels to help you.. and then you become friends with these angels.. and they help you back onto your feet.. and they help mend your world.. they help find the pieces and they help you heal.. it's funny how it works out in the end.. and to those part of the special eight.. thank you for being my angels.. God sent you guys when he knew i needed you guys the most.. and i thank Him everyday for it.. seriously, i'm not a very religious person.. but honestly, i do believe in Him.. because He's always looked out for me like you guys have... when i needed strength, He sent me my big brother.. when i needed laffs, He sent me my big sis.. when i needed to belong, He sent me the rest of you six... welps.. i'm not gonna finish this today.. but, atm, i jes wanna thank you special eight: jordan, suzanne, bryan, paul, brian, ling, jimmy, and annie...--WeN <luv you all!!!>

welps.. let's see if i can finish my intro by the end of tonight... you know what? i jes realized what one of my greatest wishes is... i wish that you all can find someone who can replace me in your hearts... i hope jordan and suzanne will be able to find someone else to replace me as your lit'l sis.. someone that you guys luv as much as you guys luv me... i hope the rest of you guys find someone else who'll bug ya the way i do.. and someone who luvs you eight as much as i do... i know it wun take very long for you guys to find these replacements... and the day you guys all find someone to take my job... i'll be glad to leave... and i apologize greatly if i leave before my replacements show up.. but dun worry.. they'll show up... if they dun show up soon after i leave, then i guess you guys will jes hafta have a lit'l patience.. surely, there'll be someone else for you guys to luv <and worry about>... dun get me wrong.. i dun PLAN on leaving you guys anytime soon.. but someday, i'll hafta.. and i jes wish that someone else could replace me in your hearts, so you guys don't needta live with an empty space in your hearts... anyway.. trust me.. the day will come.. you guys will rely on me less.. and like a memory, i'll fade.. and with time, i'll grow old.. and when the time comes, i'll die.. jes like all memories... well, anyway.. i've accepted the fact that someday, you guys aren't gonna need me anymore.. have YOU GUYS accepted that fact, yet? better now, than when it hurts too much to realize it.. ^.^ anyway.. i might as well start on those lit'l msg's, eh? cuz if i carry on doing this long intro thingie, i'm never gonna get this page updated and done.. ^.^

((NOTE:the following copyrighted poems are dedicated to the special eight... they are in no specific order, except they follow the order of which they were mentioned in the poem in my poetry corner entitled 'thankie'... and in that poem, they were orderered from who i had talked to recently that day, online, when i decided to write them.. ))