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| .:~*SUZANNE TAO*~:. |
| **i'm saving as i go, so some parts may be cut off. forgive me!!** |
| sis.. ya know i wish i could say we go WAY back.. but i think we only go back 2 and a 1/2 years tops.. ^.^ but still.. you're the only person who totally understands me... and that's why you're the only person worthy of this purple background (sowie everyone... but you guys dun know how much luv and respect i have for my one and only big sis!!) anyway, i still remember the day you got me stuck in that SAGE club with you!!! man, the things i do for my big sis!! =P anyway.. though we kinda drifted apart this year, you with your job and kevin, and stuff and me with all the stuff i started but didn't finish.. hehehe.. well.. though we kinda lost time for each other, we're still the closest sisters in the world! ^.^ i guess no one, even you, understands the bond we have... and the sacrifices me make... maybe i'm the more 'devoted' sis.. or maybe i'm jes the sis that's too caught up with feelings and emotions... well.. i guess you'll hafta find this out when everyone else does.. but i remember that horrible day (june 8th, 2000).. i was right beside you during the school mile.. we always ran together... and that day, you had trouble breathing.. hyperventilation, the nurse said.. i remember so well that two days before that, you told me what the doctor had said to you.. and the words wouldn't stop racing through my mind.. and i still recall i was the first one to start bawling my eyes out.. and then when someone came to tell me that i should change because you wanted me to go to the hospital with you.. i just cried and said it'd be best if someone else went, because i was totally in no condition to go because seeing me cry wouldn't help whatever it was that you were going through.. and i remember when i got home, and i was sitting in my room, folding those 450 cranes (i think i still owe ya 550) i jes dropped onto my knees and prayed as hard as i could.. i prayed that you would get better.. i prayed that you wouldn't leave me... i prayed that i could take all the pain away from you so i could see your smile again... i didn't care if i would get the pain.. lose my life.. or whatever it was that could save you.. it didn't matter to me, as long as i could get my big sis back... in this life, no matter what happens, you'll be the only sis i'll EVER have... that day, i prayed like i have never prayed before.. every single crane i folded bestowed the luv and hope i had for you.. my prayers.. and promises.. i told God that i would do ANYTHING to save you.. whether it was to take your pain.. or whether it was to give my life to you instead... everyday from then, i prayed when i woke up, i prayed before school, i prayed after school, i prayed while doing hw, i prayed before bed, and i prayed while i slept... and then the next day in pe, we did the school mile again.. and i ran like i never ran before.. but every time i looked beside me.. it jes wasn't the same... i didn't see you.. i was running alone now.. for the first time in the years that i have known you, you weren't there.. and i started crying again.. because i didn't know if things would get better anymore... i knew i couldn't end the run crying, because i would get everyone started again.. but everyday afterschool, i would go to my room and i would cry as i folded those cranes.. the cranes i knew would save your life... i had faith they would help you... they had to.. and then the next day, you showed up to english and my heart soared.. maybe my big sis would be okie afterall.. maybe there's hope... and i still remember how your face lit up when i gave you those cranes... it made the endless hours and sore fingers all worth it.... many ppl who saw the work i put into them offered to help.. but i refused, because the ones they folded wouldn't have the hope, luv, care, prayers, and faith in it... anyway.. i'm jes glad you're okie now.. no matter what you say, i know you're not totally better.. you can't escape the truth.. and you know your lit'l sis knows about the lit'l things you show but dun say.. anyway.. i'm really thankful to have my big sis here.. and you should have seen it coming that you'd get the longest shout out here!! you truly are the best sis anyone could ask for.. and the funny thing is.. i never asked for ya!!! but ya know what? if i could see into the future then, i sure as hell would've asked.. but i guess God, knowing that, was one step ahead of me! ^.^ and boy, am i glad!! i dunno WHAT i'd do without a sis like you.. =* it jes makes me sad thinking about how close i was to losing you.. well, you've gotta take care of yourself, and dun like your job control you!! you needta get lotsa rest!! i mean.. dun be like your lit'l sis and try to cram 25 hours of work into a 24 hour day!! (i'm totally a hypocrite... i tell ya not to work and for my summer, i decided to volunteer so i hafta work 9:30 to 3 at one place, then jet and walk for 40 minutes to work from 5:30 to 9:30 at somewhere else.. hehehe ^.^ well, anyway, YOU need the rest! i dun!! okie? that's an order from your lit'l sis.. REST!!!!) anyway... hopefully i'll have some classes with you next year.. but i highly doubt it... cuz most of the classes i'm taking, i'll be taking alone... omg, shit.. i jes realized that i have an offtime table course next year, though i kinda planned on getting a job.. *argh* oh well.. i think i already found somewhere who'll hire me for money!! hehehe ^.^ but me still wanna do tonnes of volunteer work.. which reminds me that i still hafta pick up a tonne of green sheets from the cc.. >.< i have GOT to stop slacking off and start setting my priorities straight... omg, that reminds me that i've gotta get started on those books and that novel, if i wanna be finished in time to give it to you guys for grad.. >.< well.. ^.^ knowing me, i'll work like.. 50 straight hours to get em done the day before grad breakfast ^.^ cuz when you think about it.. it's not that far away, really.. 20 months or so go by really fast.. i mean.. jes think, 10 months of grade 10 has already passed by... so quickly, too.. i could've sworn it was jes yesterday that we were comparing schedules in hama's class... the classes we have together are gradually decreasing.. and i really doubt the fact that we'll get a class together... in grade 8 we had 4 classes together (english, art/drama, math, and pe..) in grade 9 we had 3 classes together (science, pe, english) and in grade 10, only one class together (graphics)... this year was the first year i didn't have you in my english and pe class... it jes wasn't the same... we were always partners for projects in english... and we always ran together... no one ran with me this year cuz all they wanted to do was walk and they couldn't keep up with me.. and i didn't mind.. cuz if it weren't you running with me.. then it wasn't gonna be the same, anyway, no matter WHO i ran with... well.. next year, all the classes i took, are mostly classes i hadta take by myself,cuz they were last minute choices, since i could only get one of the classes i wanted to take.. and i getta take that alone.. i jes home that class ain't cancelled or anything.. and i'll be going into career prep all by myself.. which i've started to mind a lot less... cuz i guess things change and i've gotta rely on myself a bit more and i gotta get useta being alone in life, since everyone's gonna be going into the same area... maybe ppl dun appreciate art and writing and law as much as i do.. or maybe i jes appreciate it too much.. either way, i'm alone.. well.. at least i know when it comes to going through obstacles in life, i'll have you and all my closest friends there with me.. so i won't be TRULY alone.. and your lit'l sis is so glad she's got such a smart big sis and such a smart big bwother.. that way, you guys can help me in school!! jes kidding... i dun need help in school.. cuz most of my classes require more than just intelligence.. ^.^ not that i'm saying you guys only have intelligence!! ^.^ anyway... you KNEW this was gonna be long.. and i can see you smiling right now.. ou, the smile got bigger!! ^.^ well, sis.. it's time.. yupyup.. it's time for me to leave you.. jes kidding!! but you DO know, your lit'l sis is gonna leave you sometime, though, right? and despite what i say, i can't take you with me when i go across the country.. it jes can't happen.. you've got too much that you can't leave behind.. the day i go back.. it'll be time for us to split up... you'll live here and you'll live a grand prosperous life filled with happiness and joy... and i'll be there.. living the life i left behind 7 years ago.. and i'll have joy in my life, knowing i was home again.. i jes want everyone to understand that i'll hafta leave you all behind.. you guys jes can't leave your van life for me.. it wouldn't be fair.. of course i luv you all and i'll certainly miss you all.. but there ARE things that must be done.. and me going home is one of em.. it was apparent, the day i can to van, that i was gonna be going home again... no matter how many ppl i luv, no matter whom i love.. no matter what kinda godfamily and 'real' family i'm gonna be leaving behind... you guys knew i'd find my way home... and you guys all knew that this wasn't my home, no matter how long i live here.. i could live here for the next 60 years and i could have the perfect life with the perfect job, the perfect salary, and the perfect friends... but when i think it's time for me to go home.. i'll pack and leave.. even if it means leaving behind my perfect life, job, salary, and friends... it's a decision i made a long time ago and i never had any intentions on changing my mind... no matter what you guys all try to do.. you'll hafta let me spread my wings and fly.. we've all gotta let go sometime.. maybe in time, i'll come back.. but we've all got our own story.. and you've gotta let me write my own... me leaving dun mean i dun luv you all.. it jes means.. i wanna end where i start... and i know you guys will accept that.. and when the time comes.. maybe you guys will drop everything and come with me.. but you guys needta know.. no matter what, i'll be going back.. if you guys come, i'll be honoured.. if you don't.. well.. ^.^ i'll see you guys again if we're meant ta be... <i kinda have a feeling that no matter what fate has decided.. you'll still be by my side.. wight sis?> |
| SUZANNE:the Arabic name meaning a rose or lily |
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| "The family--that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape nor, in our inmost hearts, ever wish to" ----Dodie Smith "From what we get we can make a living; what we give, however, makes a life" ----Arthur Ashe "Other things may change us, but we start and end with family" ----Anthony Branch |
| The following is a direct profile from my big sis, Miss Tao, herself (the words in purple are my comments) |
| NAME: Suzanne (i've always known this... ^.^) AGE: 16 (you're older than i am!! hahaha! =P ya know what? according to samantha and maya, i'm 5 years old!!!!) GENDER: Female (hm.. i've always know this, too.. if i didn't, you wouldn't exactly be my big sis, eh?) EYE COLOUR: Dark brown i think... or black.... or.... i dunno! NATURAL HAIR COLOUR: Dark brown... or black... or.... i dunno... =) (your hair is more of a blackish colour.. unlike your sis) BIRTHDAY: Sept. 20th, '85 HOMETOWN: Vancouver DREAM CITY: My very own city! (and this city would look like what? and the population would be like what?) BEST FRIEND(S): Wendy Luc and Kevin Yuan (didja hafta have the WHOLE name? <i know my last name! unlike you..> ^.<) FAVE ANIMAL(S): Goldfishies! and turtles and lions and tigers and okay... i won't go on... (and bears? OH MY.. hehehe.. j/k) FAVE SUBJECT: Hm..... hyper studies... (dammit, i forgot to take that course!) FAVE TEACHER: One who teaches well.. (i really dunno) (would that include MS. ROBSON!!! ?) FAVE MEMORY: Plums, plums, plums! (i wonder if anyone besides us would understand the hidden msg in this... ^.^) FAVE SAYING: Plums are good for you! (yepyep.. they're responsible for all that you are.. hehehe ^.^) PET PEEVES: I really dunno... (how about ppl mispronouncing your name as susan? hehehe ) FUTURE PLANS: Growing plums... in Toronto! (contamination of Toronto, eh? btw, i'm going home soon.. WITHOUT YOU!! yep.. you heard me.. wiffout you!!! sowie.. but i think you'll be working and hanging out with kevin, so ya wun have time... ^.^) FAVE FOOD: Food is good... (yeah... but that dun answer the question!! have you been eating plums again?) FAVE DRINK: Coffee! (tsk tsk.. caffeine stunts your growth, ya know? <hehehe.. this coming from a cup-of-joe-a-day person.>) FAVE FRUIT: Peaches! (*shocked gasp* it ain't plums?! omg.. i am SO shocked.. what are you ON?!) TOP FIVE WISHES 1) That Wendy Luc would be happy for the rest of her life and beyond that (wish failed.. NEXT!!!!!) 2) That I get my other lil sister back (that would be my top wish, if wishes could all come true) 3) That stupid Fat Yuan would stop being so fat... =) 4) That I never lose anyone I love again ('cept me and you both know that it ain't gonna happen... though we can wish) 5) That I successfully grow plums in Toronto! (these are all tied in first place) (you're contaminating Toronto!!!!!) IF YOU COULD CHANGE one THING IN THE WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE? They should get better doctors... (hell yeah) WHO WOULD YOU MISS MOST IF HE/SHE DIED? I miss my baby sister..but I would miss Wendy & Kevin (i'd miss you, too) WHEN WAS THE LOWEST POINT IN YOUR LIFE? When my baby sister died... ( =* *sniff sniff* she was so cute...) WHEN WAS THE HIGHEST POINT IN YOUR LIFE? When I met Wendy Luc! (that was a low moment for me.. J/K!!!!!!! ^.^) IF REINCARNATION WAS REAL, WHAT WOULD YOU COME BACK AS? Me! (i was hoping for that, too.. ^.^) IF YOU COULD TELL THE WORLD JUST one THING, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Live your life to the fullest, everyday, cuz you could die the very next day. (Amen....) LAST WORDS, COMMENTS, POEMS, EXPERIENCES, ETC: Dammit, I need to go to work soon... (me jes got off work...) |
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| <<Suzanne fans |