The Optional Tax

Perhaps it was the mere working of chance, so often a major determinant in human progress. Perhaps it was again the keen mind of John Smith; we know that chance favors the trained observer. Whatever it was, a second major contribution was made to the sex taxation concept coincident with John Smith's elevation to congressman.

Just as "the cobbler's children go barefoot," so the future taxation genius left the annual tax return form preparation to Mrs. Smith. John Smith was no help at all in such matters. Such a towering mind, capable of formulating an elevated taxation theory such as the Sex Tax, was no good at all when it came to the IRS 1040.

In most individuals, carefully reared to be good and law-abiding citizens, there has been instilled a fear of the law and governmental authority. Parents, too concerned with avoiding child discipline problems in the adolescent years, hammer into the young and impressionable child such an awe of the law's majesty that the grown child becomes psychologically incapable of dealing rationally with the taxman.

So great are the psychological scars inflicted that the release from guilt feelings that comes from the mere filing of the current 1040 tax form is likely to send one into a euphoric state. How sad it is that the cause of such joy should be the mere release from psychological self-inflicted pain.

John Smith has publicly related how Mrs. Smith had gone into her annual state of tax shock with papers and receipts littered from hell to breakfast. The expression is apt, because life was hell at home at tax time, and there was no breakfast. His cheery morning greeting was returned with a snarl and the terse comment that if he knew so much about taxes, he should do them. That comment in itself didn't evoke a response, but her next salvo triggered John Smith's brain.

"It's too bad that you can't substitute the Sex Tax for this mess of forms," said the irritated good lady.

Instantly John Smith realized that on a national scale this was not only possible but highly desirable. Why not give the taxpayer who was married an option? He could either pay the Sex Tax or a 1040 income tax.

The political potential was staggering. For some years the Congress had searched for tax reform. Gradually people had come to realize that these vain promises were not only meaningless but the heart of political duplicity. Inevitably the reform measure turned out to collect more tax than before. What was given with one hand was taken away several fold with the other. Congress was partly to blame, but the IRS was the major source of this duplicity. Had the IRS not been constantly restrained by the tax court, the IRS would have been able to impose its own evil ideas upon the populace without limit.

John Smith saw that a significant Sex Tax collected from all married couples could be used to eliminate 1040 completely. No longer would there be the quarrel between singles and marrieds; no longer would marrieds with two incomes have to figure taxes both ways to avoid overpayment. The simplicity of not having to itemize deductions, the elimination of worry about letters from the taxman, the realization that the taxpayer was getting a direct return for his tax dollar-all would contribute to the response in favor of the Sex Tax.

Whether or not John Smith realized that the Sex Tax would become a big factor in making marriage popular, the President soon would. In later years he would cite it as one of his greatest contributions to the country. The President would have at his fingertips statistical reports that showed how the country had recoiled from the abyss of illicit sex and exactly how many government employees who had been "living in sin" had been converted.

The IRS, which had first heard of the Sex Tax when it had emerged in a state legislature, had welcomed the Sex Tax concept and had been making plans for its inclusion among the many, many important collection duties the IRS performed for its government. The taxmen were particularly intrigued by how easily and unobtrusively this tax could be used to accomplish a degree of double taxation. "Making one dollar do the work of two" had become their slogan. Of course this was a great perversion of the original meaning, based on the President's movement for economy in government.

Later, when the second, the "optional" Sex Tax concept, reached IRS ears a profound depression set in as it dawned upon this model bureaucracy that their doom, generated by the simplicity of the Sex Tax, was upon them. In this fear they were soon joined by the legions of auxiliaries, the tax accountants, tax lawyers, and other various members of the tax collecting structure.

Just as the prison circle was the major activity of the populace in Russia, as Solzhenitsvn has pointed out, so in the United States a legal-accounting structure of equally vast proportions had evolved that was now solely responsive to the socio-political forces of consumerism, antitrust, and taxation. One should not be surprised by this; it is simple social ecology, analogous to the food chain, a basic ecological structure of nature.

Just as a massive oil spill has been shown to destroy the natural ecological structure, the oiling of the social wheels that the Sex Tax would accomplish would in its time destroy the tax accounting-collecting chain. As the reader will see demonstrated later, the tax ecology was dealt a massive and effective blow, rupturing the "tax food chain" and eventually destroying the predatory levels of bureaucracy that fed on that most primitive organism in the food chain, the taxpayer.

Of course, at the time John Smith probably didn't foresee all of this, but he certainly did recognize the potential of Mrs. Smith's suggestion and was prepared to adopt it. In fact, he was so delighted by the suggestion that he offered his help in 1040 preparation.

Mrs. Smith, pleased by his offer, would have immediately dumped the whole 1040 mess in his lap had she not remembered the year she was sick and he had prepared their 1040. He had regaled her with tales of his prowess on deductions, but some months later this image was shattered rather rudely by a letter from their friendly taxman. She had been left to deal with the situation and after much trauma had escaped with a modest fine. Her scars from the experience were still painful and were a major contributor to her mental state at tax time. The IRS also remembered and gave extra attention to the Smith 1040 form every year.

Mrs. Smith wisely delegated to her helpful husband the more menial tax tasks within his range of competence, and they were both delighted to find in the late afternoon that they would get a refund instead of owing more tax. That, combined with the sense of accomplishment of finishing this loathsome chore and John Smith's elation at finding a new concept that would elevate his Sex Tax into a major role in the country's tax structure, led not only to a euphoric state but to a wild marital enthusiasm.

He suggested that they farm out the children for the night and celebrate. She was absolutely in favor of this, and the resulting bedroom evening could only be described as monumental. It was indeed the first monument to the new relation between taxation and the bedroom. A noticeable morning-after did not dampen their enthusiasm. More than likely it indelibly etched the event in their memory.