Ways and Means Committees

Smith's bill having been duly presented, legislative procedure followed rapidly. The obvious committee for referral was the Ways and Means Committee of the lower house. Simultaneously a bill was introduced into the upper house and referred to its Ways and Means Committee. Had the Sex Tax bill been considered troublesome this would have been the end, but the great press interest forced action, immediate action, upon the two committees. There was to be no chance to wait for indications of public attitudes. Each party needled the other; each was afraid of losing the spotlight. The press publicity forced the Sex Tax bill forward.

The lower house committee started proceedings in a reasonable manner. Among the groups called were the very powerful church groups. As the matter worked out, the churches for the first time since the Reformation of 1534 saw eye to eye. The celibate group, seeing the tax advantage, or rather tax-avoidance advantage, strongly favored the bill's passage. In their fear that the non-celibate churches would oppose the bill and that the opportunity of avoiding a personal tax might be lost, the celibate churches had proposed on an "ecumenical basis" that all churches join in backing the bill, provided that all clergy, celibate or not, be absolved from tax. Whether the non-celibate clergy were moved by this "ecumenism" or not is debatable, but they didn't want to pay taxes either, so they readily agreed.

Together, arm in arm in ecumenical brotherhood, all the church leaders appeared at the committee hearings and backed the bill in principle. This took the church out of the issue completely and virtually guaranteed success.

The house committee meetings became rather jolly affairs, representatives vied for television exposure and a lot of good one-liners were generated. So interesting were the hearings that the public was treated to the act through TV. The press deserted the other hearings, and the senate committee was completely upstaged.

Now a politician can be attacked and may be relatively insensitive to criticism, as long as his name is spelled correctly, but to be ignored, particularly when somebody else is getting the attention, cuts deeply. The senior house committee met in private to discuss this procedural question.

It was clear that something had to be done to enliven the hearings. Even hearings that were basically dull could trot out red herrings, Communists, or whatever, and land on the front pages. What could the senators do to reestablish their rightful supremacy? The senior chamber couldn't criticize the other hearings as being undignified, or wrap themselves in a mantle of dignity, as was a traditional ploy. That would spoil the game, and if their chance came would have then preempted their spot on TV. The public wouldn't listen to that superior bullshit; they wanted more gamy provender-perhaps even titillation.

One of the committee members suggested that the committee call the "Madam." Madam was an engaging figure, well known around the capitol and throughout the state, for she had spread her efforts far over the years. Her appearance would surely command attention and focus the public eye on the senior house hearings.

There were those on the committee who had reservations. As good customers, or former customers, there was a tinge of worry that things might go wrong, something might slip out. Fortunately, those of the committee who had such worries, and they might have constituted a majority had they known it, were reluctant to express their thoughts, so the matter was decided in favor of Madam testifying.

The Madam wasn't some grasping old crone, who, having become unattractive, had left the bed of pleasure to occupy the seat of management. Nor was she some sex-obsessed "happy hooker" who spent her life devising deviations, as much a slave to passion as her customers. Rather the Madam represented a new generation of the profession, more in step with the call-girl era.

True, the opulence and grandeur of the old and famous houses of the nineties were not completely lost on the Madam, but her house trod a middle path between the lush Victorian decor and the starkly modern furnishings so much in vogue.

The Madam was in many respects a talented interior decorator, and, amateur though she was (in this field), she would not leave such important details as her "house" to an insensitive, probably queer, artistic decorator. No, the Madam, realizing the nuances of her business, set about to furnish her "house" with due regard to her clientele and business. The results were remarkable and undoubtedly led to the rapid rise of her "house" in the profession. There were, of course, many other houses in the small state capital, but hers soon outstripped all the others.

The Madam had come from a ranch west of the capital and was well aware of the mysteries of sex early in life. Neither put on nor off by the rough and coarse language that she heard about her, she early determined to gain an education and leave for the city. In no way was her departure for the city life a case of "little Nell," for this robust spirit had had her share of hayloft adventures with the avid farm hands and had enjoyed payoffs.

Blessed with classic beauty, a perfect fair complexion, and a natural hourglass figure, Regina was much sought after by the more successful business and ranch operators, whether as a mistress or a wife. She would have none of either, though she enjoyed the attention.

Regina was descended from a Scottish mother and a French father. His family name was Phillipe, changed several generations back by the immigration clerk to Phillips, and no amount of paperwork then possible could change it back. After the five years residence for citizenship, things were too involved to change it, so Regina was a Phillips.

But the immigration service couldn't change her genes. She was a legatee of a sensitive emotional father and a mother with a no-nonsense sense of thrift, a stern Calvinistic disposition, and a beautiful complexion. From her father came a joie de vivre and sensuous nature to match her figure. From both she gained good health and a sense of adventure.

The observant young Regina had watched class after class of buxom farm girls graduate and appear the next spring pushing baby carriages. Nothing amiss, just the natural progress of life. Occasionally the process was a bit more hurried, with the accompanying gossip, but by and large this was the way things were. Regina also observed the burden of farm duties and childbearing, the boredom of farm life, and the waste of youth so early.

From the time her figure had bloomed, the many sidewise glances and occasional propositions she had had from "pillar of the community" married men, and the gossip of her mother's women friends about liaisons and extramarital frolics had made Regina shrewd enough to deduce that the simple married life was usually a bit boring. She was able to escape the conventional ideas of romance (and the resulting trap to the domestic routine) in her thinking. This made her determined to travel and live in the bigger world.

To credit all Regina's advanced ideas to her own sagacity, or to her inheritance, would not be accurate. Indeed, her mother's Calvinistic bent might have outweighed her father's robust sense of humor had it not been for an interesting educational experience. Regina showed a flair for music.

Although Regina's parents didn't own a piano at the time, and couldn't afford a lot of money for lessons, it so happened that Regina's aunt resided in the nearby town, where her parents shopped on Saturday. It was arranged that Regina would take lessons from her aunt.

Not only did the aunt teach music, she communicated to Regina a sense of class and the need to develop it. True, Regina had natural beauty and a high intelligence, but her farm home life in the late twenties did not have the requisite access to cultural resources or the stimulation of an elite society. For those so minded, it was dull, and Regina's aunt was so minded. Later the aunt moved to the big city, took to teaching music there, and married well. Unfortunately, her sense of adventure was still not satisfied. She embarked on a series of affairs and disappeared from the family both by court decree and by a veil of silence. Regina was fascinated, because she had admired her aunt's talent, spirit, and savoir-faire. She longed to hear the other side of the story.

Although there was little money for college, Regina was to have a chance to start. The summer after graduation she got a job in a posh country club that paid miserably but tipped well, Regina rather quickly got on to the tip routine and not only picked up tips but a Dutch uncle who was well heeled enough to support her in college.

It was a business arrangement, and she satisfied his needs on those weekends when he returned for football games. His wife, used to being dragged to games, alumni reunions, and business trips, was most relieved when he didn't insist on her going. If she suspected anything, it probably was because he returned in high spirits, not bung over as before. Even if she had suspected, it wouldn't have worried her, for she had interesting activities of her own, which she cultivated. All in all, it was a good arrangement.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, fate in the form of a business collapse removed Regina's "uncle" from the ranks of the well-to-do and be subsequently removed himself from the world of the living.

Regina had been well provided for in the halcyon days of '29, and it was to a pile of jewelry that she looked for immediate cash. Perhaps some might expect that at this point she found the jewelry valueless. Not so. Regina had cannily checked the value of each gift, and, if the value had declined from the preceding gift, she redoubled her efforts. A man was putty in her hands, but Regina never overplayed her hand. Her sense of quality made her eschew a maudlin performance. She gave quality goods for what she got.

To the many adolescent classmates who continually sought her favors she appeared as a good date but rather straight-laced. She never took chances. Whereas college has been defined as transition from adolescence to adultery, for Regina it was from amateur to professional.

Her grades, always high, soared. She was class valedictorian and her college dean recommended her for graduate school. She was considered good material for Dean of Women, and what a Dean she would have been!

But for Regina this would not have fulfilled her adventurous spirit. She had in her unique way combined music, business, and language in her education. Within a short time she obtained a job with a corporation, moved up as assistant to the president and into the executive suite. She then traveled with the president. His contacts were hers, though she never strayed. In future years these contacts would pay off.

After nearly a decade in the service of the corporation she retired following the death of the president; the story of his overexertion was never revealed. The board's choice of a new president was repulsive to her and she didn't even make a try. He never knew what was wrong with his image, and it shattered him.

Regina was now at the peak of her charm, polished, intelligent, and worldly wise. Regina knew that she would either have to marry or support herself. The former choice was boring, the latter a challenge. Regina determined to cash in on her contacts in the next few years to set herself up financially. Flying between continents, the mistress of no one, sought after by all, she distributed favors and raked in the cash, all tax-free. But her life took an unpredictable turn when she ran afoul of the law. She decided to retire at the suggestion of a kindly police inspector who paid her the compliment of taking her to dinner and, after dinner, propositioning her. She said he was sweet and would take his advice and retire. He suggested she wait until Monday, so after a congenial weekend with him she returned to the U.S. with her passport, her record, and her Swiss bank account intact.

Regina had enough to buy her own house in the state capital, taking over from another madam who was retiring to travel as a tourist in Europe. Regina had done her traveling on expense account and with much more interesting companions. There's a right and wrong way to do things.

Regina's experience, charms, and good sense guaranteed her success as a madam. Her house opening was the hit of the capital season. Now she was not a mere bauble squired from place to place by men to impress others; they were coming to her house. Her cup ranneth over, and she made sure theirs did too. She piled up political patronage and soon was one of the most powerful people in the government. At no time did she place any customer in an embarrassing position. At no time did she seek favors. Indeed, her conciliatory efforts won admiration from all. Madam Phillips became known as "the screw that keeps the legislature together." She had earned a right to be heard in the councils of the mighty.

With the press properly informed, a date was set for her committee testimony. The Madam was delighted that the senior chamber committee had called her to testify, for with acute political judgment she realized the advantages of this bill for femmes de joies.

Having been sworn in without undue emphasis on her business activities and residence, the Madam proceeded to answer questions concerning the sex tax legislation. She opined that sex taxation was basically sound, but she recommended the tax have a broad base.

The Madam, in considering the proposed legislation, was clever enough to realize that, if the government were to tax her operation, it would be de facto legitimization. Now legitimization, though highly desirable, was otherwise unlikely in her time. The proposed legislation would accomplish legitimization in a circumspect and effective manner. The Madam knew from previous committee testimony that the Church had inadvertently removed itself from the issue and would not be able to disapprove sex taxation. The Madam's move now was to see that the bill included prostitutes.

By her testimony she broached the subject and was successful in pointing out that the services rendered were of identical nature with those being taxed in a bedroom context. She was able to convince the senators to be evenhanded. Of course they wanted to be influenced, so the entire proceeding was a tasteful humorous romp, with the TV camera able to record a delightful, witty, and sexy figure. The late evening replay engaged the entire state TV audience.

With professional skill, the Madam was able to shift the discussion from "whether to tax" to "how to tax." The points at issue were how to collect the tax and what to call the tax.

The Madam made the point that the tax should be collected "in lieu cubicular." The Madam did not regard this tax as a  "value added" tax, nor as an entry fee. It was perhaps internal revenue, but she strenuously objected to this or to its being called a "withholding tax," for psychological reasons.

General agreement was finally reached when the Madam suggested the term "societal tax." This had no unpleasant connotations, was sufficiently vague, and yet would be accepted in the same spirit as the tax on married males.

Although there might be some taxation purists who would question the efficacy of having the "house" collect a tax from its customers, in principle it was no different from a sales tax. The Madam was well aware that the "house" would be subject to an unusual number of audits, but this held no terrors for her. Madam was confident that she could turn the IRS activity to a profit for herself, and had not the slightest intention of cheating on the taxman. IRS men might be cheated at home, but in her "house" never! IRS 1040s wouldn't stand a chance beside Madam's 40-30-35 girls.

The whole session was a ball, something to be remembered. After it was over, Madam was seen consulting her wristwatch calendar and making appointments with some senators, but the TV camera was careful to look the other way. The nightly news carried film clips, and the late news, responding to unexpected local demand, carried the entire proceeding. The weather got short shrift that night. The committee proceedings were carried in the nightly news sports section.

As might have been expected, the national networks picked up the story, and, late that night, on a newsbreak, the nation saw Madam. That changed the course of history.