Giving Your Toddlers Independence
and Encouraging Them to Explore
By Shel Franco
Some days, you feel like your toddler is the most uncontrollable child around, and you are the most incompetent mother. Other days, you can't stop laughing at the crazy antics. Fortunately, this seemingly bipolar disorder is nothing short of normal toddler behavior.
"Emerging mobility and curiosity combine for very challenging toddler behaviors such as running or moving away from Mom, touching everything, refusing to comply with requests, etcetera," says psychologist Carla Natalucci. There is a method to this mayhem.
"Most learning prior to the acquisition of language is sensorimotor in nature and children are discovering how their bodies impact the world around them and how they can manipulate and sense it in a variety of ways," says psychologist Gloria Rothenberg. "[Toddlers] throw food off the high chair to observe how gravity works. Moving objects from place to place provides rudimentary information on quantity, shape and size. They also get to practice fine motor actions and develop better muscle control in their hands, fingers and arms. They learn about object permanence by repeatedly putting something in and taking it out of some container."
If you're like many moms, this matters very little when you're on your hands and knees for the fifth time in an hour, cleaning peas off the kitchen floor. So how do you give your toddler room to grow and learn without losing your mind?
Safety First
Vicki Folds, vice president of education for Tutor Times Learning Centers, suggests the first step in giving toddlers room to grow is child-proofing the home.
"I would suggest a house safety check list, [listing things like] toxins, stairs, doors with locks, etcetera," she says.
Checklists such as the one Folds suggests are available at many police stations and libraries.
You'll quickly learn that it's not just the big things, like stairs and outlets, that need to be addressed. Rothenberg says child-proofing means little things, like moving breakable items out of a toddlers reach and replacing them with non-breakable pieces.
"We cannot expect toddlers to resist touching an attractive but fragile knick-knack," she says.
Encourage Exploration
While you are safety-checking your home, it's important to keep in mind that safety doesn't necessarily mean off-limits. Before you child-proof every kitchen cabinet, step back and look at things from your toddler's point of view.
"If toddlers are drawn to those mysterious cupboards that contain wondrous items, let's make that where his or her toys are stored," says Folds. "Be sure to provide nesting articles such as an old set of easy to lift pots with lids in various sizes, cups that can slide on top of another one for nesting and stacking, plastic or Tupperware jars and twist or snap-on lids. Place a colorful article in each plastic container and your toddler will spend a concentrated portion of time attempting and probably succeeding in opening the lids. This is great for expanding their concentration, eye/hand coordination and developing those small muscles in the hands and fingers."
Kendeyl Johansen of Park City, Utah discovered an added bonus.
"I baby-proofed all of my kitchen drawers but left one accessible to my toddler and filled it with his toys," she says. "He knew this was 'his' drawer and it ended tantrums caused when I opened a drawer and blocked his access."
Encourage Independence
Aside from the notorious exploration, toddlers are also plagued with a budding independence. This can be difficult to handle, especially when you consider the fact that toddlers are not capable of making decisions that will affect their well-being.
Ginny Hermann of Omaha, Neb., knows about the struggle for independence first-hand.
"One thing we are running up against right now is sometimes Sarah doesn't want to hold my hand in parking lots," she says.
Natalucci says this is the point where the growth and learning of toddlerhood must take second place to the guidance of a parent. The child's safety is much more important than her desire to explore the parking lot or to see how fast she can run away from Mom.
While that seems like common sense to most parents, the line blurs when you are "safe" within the walls of home.
Lisa Sanders of Manassas, Va., allows her 2-year-old son to spend time playing in his bedroom without her constant supervision.
"It is completely childproof," she says. "I believe he needs that time to discover himself and his world. I can hear him playing with his toys and books, and it makes me feel really good to know he can entertain himself."
Many mothers of toddlers agree that their children are capable of play, out of Mom's sight, for small periods of time in an environment that is "safe." Still, it's important to point out that experts in child development have differing opinions.
"While it is healthy to allow for this exploration and self-assertion to some extent, it is never appropriate to leave toddlers unsupervised because they lack the judgment to decide what is safe," Rothenberg says.
If you feel strongly your child is ready for play away from your side, Folds suggests that at the very least, parents use baby monitors to keep tabs on the sounds in the room. However, she does add her own warning.
"I would be hesitant to recommend the parents can safely leave a room and answer a phone or use the bathroom even with a baby monitor," she says. "Toddlers can find danger in an instant. Let the answering machine pick up the call so you can monitor it later. Take your toddler to the bathroom with you and read a story together. There will be plenty of time as the child grows to further your distance."
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