by Effective Discipline
Discipline is one of the most difficult aspects of parenting. We all have images of our children quietly entertaining themselves in the family room while we read the morning paper, but that ideal is far from reality. Children are living, learning beings – it’s their job to test their limits, and yours, in order to learn about the world in which they live. It is your job to set and enforce these limits
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The first step in effective discipline is establishing the rules. Discuss with your partner what behaviors are unacceptable and which are merely annoying, and choose your battles accordingly. If you try to control all behaviors all of the time, you will feel frustrated and defeated. Focus on one or two behaviors at a time, and ignore the others as much as possible.
Make sure to praise the child when he behaves appropriately. My philosophy as a teacher and parent has always been “Catch them being good!” We are always quick to notice poor and inappropriate behavior, we should be as observant of the positives. When your son shares his toys with a friend, let him know how proud you are of him. When your daughter uses words instead of hitting, give her a big hug and let her know she made the right decision. Our children demonstrate positive behaviors many times each day – notice these and give your child praise for them, and you will see a consistent improvement in all behavior.
As important as noticing good behavior is ignoring the “little things.” If your child accidentally spills her water on the kitchen table and then plays in it, she isn’t hurting anyone or anything, and may actually be learning something. This is the type of behavior that can be ignored. Try not to get worked up over these small and insignificant issues. A child who gets yelled at or disciplined for every little thing may resign himself to never being good enough, and may stop trying altogether.
Finally, when you do need to take action, make sure you are firm, fair, and consistent.
There is no single discipline strategy that will work for all parents and children. Determine what you feel is a fair consequence for the behavior, whether it is a time-out or loss of privileges, and enforce it immediately. Don’t threaten children with impossible punishments – such as “Clean up the toys or I’m throwing them all away!” They may be young, but they’re smart enough to know that you won’t do that. An alternative would be a toy time-out, where they will not have access to the toys for a specified period of time (usually 24 hours in our house.)
Also, remember that negative behaviors generally get worse before they improve, so be prepared to discipline your child for the same behavior many times. This does not mean you need to switch methods. Try to be as consistent as possible so your child will know what consequences to expect. The negative behavior will soon lose its luster.
Keep in mind while disciplining that you are dealing with a child, not a little adult. You and they are on different levels, and have a completely different understanding of life. It never hurts to ask your child why they behaved in a particular way before deciding on a course of action.