Without Fighting
STEPS:
1. STOP. Don't let the conflict get worse. The less angry you are the easier it will be to solve the problem.
2. SAY what the conflict is about. What is causing the disagreement? What does each of you want or not want?
3. THINK of positive options. How could you meet each other's needs and be fair?
4. CHOOSE a positive option each of you can agree on.
If you still can't agree, ask someone else (an outsider) to help resolve the conflict.
RULES:
• Agree to resolve the conflict.
• No name calling.
• Take turns talking. Don't interrupt.
• Be clear and truthful about what is bothering you and what you really need.
• Listen to the other person. Be sure you understand how he or she sees the problem.
• Use your brains, not your hands.
• Be willing to compromise (if that's appropriate).
Here are some things you can do to help your child learn how to settle disputes peacefully and constructively.
• Ask your child to explain the steps and rules of conflict resolution he or she has learned at school. Post them in a place where everyone can refer to them. Use the steps in resolving family conflicts.
• If your child has a conflict with a sibling or friend, call "time out" so they can cool off. Then go through the steps of conflict resolution with them and remind them of the rules.
• Ask your child to explain the difference between "why" messages and "blaming" messages. Try to use "why" messages as often as possible and avoid "blaming" messages.