DISCIPLINE The word discipline literally means teaching, not punishment, as it is so often interpreted. All children need teaching and correction in order to learn acceptable behaviors. Here some suggestions to help with this challenging task. 1. Children are not miniature adults, have many strong needs and feelings, and are naturally boisterous, noisy, impatient, demanding, and messy. They are also completely self-centered. In their perception, the world revolves around them. Acknowledging and understanding this as a parent is a great starting point for discipline, because we do not then expect perfection and adult behavior from little folks who have so much to learn. 2. A wonderful discipline technique for times children are throwing tantrums, being aggressive, or behaving in any way obnoxious to parents is to hold them firmly but lovingly. . 3. Look for the underlying needs in your child's behavior. For example, give them something to play with if they must sit quietly in a waiting room. 4. Look for and acknowledge their feelings. If they act angry, say, "I see you are mad. Tell me about it." Listen through, tell them you understand (even if you don't agree), THEN work together to find solutions for the problem. 5. Let natural and logical consequences occur. For instance, if your child continually fails to put their dirty clothes in the hamper to be washed, they will have to wear dirty clothes. This is a natural consequence of their behavior. It may be time to teach them to do their own laundry as well. Don't rescue them or they will not learn from the experience. An example ofa logical consequence would be to require a child who makes a mess to clean it up (to the best of their age appropriate ability). 6. Give alternatives and choices rather than commands whenever possible. It empowers and teaches a toddler when you say, "You may either hold my hand or I will carry you across the street. The street is too dangerous to walk by yourself." An older child may be asked, "Would you like to take your shower before or after you do your homework?" You are still in charge, but the child is honored and has an opportunity to learn. 7. Let humor, play, and laughter be part of your discipline. For example, if your child is angry at you, have a playful pillow fight with a dramatic surrender and snuggles afterward. If a toddler resists picking up toys, make it into a game. 8. Isolating a child in "time out" gives the message that either they or their feelings are intolerable to you. It is better to stay with the child and do Holding Time. However, it is also better to use a time out than to hurt your child with rageful behavior. Take a parental time out by removing yourself from the situation when you are too out of control to use good judgement. Regain your composure by whatever means necessary, such as crying, calling a friend, or following the next suggestion. 9. Remember a nurturing, loving adult from your own childhood by whom you felt totally accepted and honored as a fellow human being. If this description does not conjure up a picture of your parents, try to think of another relative, a teacher, or a friend. Meditate on that feeling and what that person did to allow you to feel that way. Model your parenting after what you learn from this exercise.

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