Most women's favorite sexual dreams are of men who take their time, are experienced and highly attuned to the woman's sexual and emotional needs and most importantly, who get turned on by turning on the woman. I've never heard a man tell me his favorite sexual dream was of a woman who took her time. Instead, men tell me of women who are entirely uninhibited and ready and eager to do anything. As you can imagine, I've never heard a woman say, " wow! What a dream! I was with a man who would do anything!
Well, at the most superficial level of simply noting the kinds of dreams we have and the differences between male and female favorite sexual dreams would improve many people's sexual experience. Many, if not most men and women would get it through their heads that women's inhibitions drive men crazy (and some sometimes drive men away) and that men's failure to discover what women really want sexually leads huge numbers of women to avoid sex and never offer men what they really long for.
Our sexual dreams like most dreams are a form of reflective thinking we do at night. in dreams we think in metaphoric pictures and assess our day's experience by comparing it to what we have seen and learned through out our entire lifetime. Since we are much less defensive and more synthetic in our dreams than while awake, we are more honest with ourselves and better able to give ourselves valuable feedback and insight. So our sexual dreams if understood can:
Right. Very often, our most embarrassing sexual dreams like those of having sex with someone who is gay if you are straight or vice-versa are often not about some hidden sexual desire. Usually the lover in the dream represents some part of your own personality or some goal in your life that you want to come closer to. We all sometimes use sexual imagery in dreams to express how we feel about relationships that are non-sexual, for example, if your boss is raping you in a dream, this may simply express your sense that you are being screwed by him at work.
When for any reason someone is unwilling or unable to perform a simple sexual behavior, dreams can show the dreamer the issue from a less defensive perspective and help him or her reconsider his or her attitude . Dreams can give the dreamer a first-hand experience of performing the behavior that would pleasure the dreamer or his or her partner.
For example, men who have resisted foreplay out of shyness or laziness have dreamt of fondling their partners and for the first time enjoyed the process of turning their partners on. Women who have refused to give or receive oral sex have had dreams that helped them work through their conflicts and then actually experience pleasure in giving their partners that gift.
Dreams of having sex with unexpected partners, (coworkers, old boyfriends, strangers), of being interrupted while in the act, of being on public display, and of wild erotic magic are all common dreams. My book, Sensual Dreaming, discusses the possible interpretations for these dreams.
We sure do. However, while men have most of their wet dreams at 18, women don't peak till the age of 40. Wet dreams come when we are sexual frustrated in waking, but also when we are highly aroused by a new sexual relationship. They are normal and harmless.
I, too, was shocked to see how little has been written about dreams and sexuality. Freud wrote about his belief that dreams revealed what he had already decided were the sexual natures of men and women. He did not see dreams as helping us to improve our sexuality and the relationships within which we express that sexuality. Sensual Dreaming focuses on developing our sexuality into a fulfilling, joy-promoting, and love-enhancing part of our lives. In order to achieve that goal, we must first recognize our often invisible inhibitions, resolve them as best we can, and grow into a robust, healthy view of the erotic. Dreams can be powerful teachers in many areas.
Freud's over-emphasis on a limited idea of sexuality and his forced, sexual interpretations of so many dreams seems to have scared people away form the topic. But then modern culture is not yet modern about sexuality. We have yet to learn that until we can speak openly with ourselves and our partners and our families about sex we will continue to let our discomfort and silence encourage sexual abuse, and sexual immaturity and ignorance among teens and adults. Most married couples can't talk openly about what they fear, need and want sexually and this leads to the impossible hope that someone else will be the prefect sexual partner. Talking about our dreams can teach us to talk about our sexual concerns and desires so we can grow up and leave our sexual adolescence behind.
All the above Answers to Frequently Asked Questions About Sexual Dreams were from Gayle's book, Sensual Dreaming. |
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