By Dora Sidorenko
Have you ever heard the saying--sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees? Have you ever been involved in a situation that seemed to have a thousand loose ends and because there were so many you couldn't find the end of even one because it was all so confusing? If so, then you know the truth of the old saying! And you must also know that sometimes all that is needed is another's objective view of the situation to untangle the whole ball of string. Or, to return to the saying, all you need is one level-headed woodchopper to clear the way for you!
Not too long ago adorable Kathy Garver was in a "forest" of feelings that were going wild without any direction--finally she had to make a decision and suddenly found she couldn't! Of course, part of the reason for her predicament was the fact that she was very young. Just twenty now, she was then only nineteen. And she was spending half her life acting fifteen--as Cissy on TV's Family Affair. The rest of the time she was supposed to be acting her age and carrying herself as a young woman should. But... Even for the average nineteen-year-old this second role is difficult. Part of her still feels like a little girl while another part of her feels ultra-adult. There's no doubt about it--growing up is hard to do!
And Kathy was growing up. Little by little, it was becoming apparent to all. However, it wasn't until Brian Keith, the star of the series, said to her over lunch one day during the filming of the second season, "Kathy, you've changed. Physically and mentally. On the set you're a light-hearted teenage girl. But off the set, you're a woman," that Kathy really believed she's grown up.
These words spoken over sandwiches not only marked the first day Miss Garver felt adult, but they were also the first words spoken in the dearest friendship she has ever known.
When I chatted with Kathy recently on the set she beamed brightly as she recounted to me the whole story of her friendship with Brian Keith and how it had "really" changed her life!
"My relationship with Brian," she began slowly, "is very personal. Brian's always there when I need him. He seldom advises me on my career. When we talk, we discuss personalities and life.
"And I must confess, it's all kind of one-sided. We usually wind up discussing my life, my personality and my social 'scene,' shall we say." Though pert and pretty Kathy appears lighthearted and happy-go-lightly, she is, in truth, a very serious girl--especially when it comes to herself!
"To explain how everything with Brian began, I must first explain that up until this year I dated mostly boys my own age. Everything was kind of casual. I never wanted to go steady with any of them because...I believe in broadening my knowledge of people by meeting and getting to know all different kinds. It was never a personal thing with any of these fellows. They were all very nice; it was just that I didn't want to limit myself. Still, I didn't want to hurt anyone and somehow it always came out with them being insulted when I declined their invitations to settle down.
"I never expect anything bad from anybody and I never expect anyone to hurt me because I would never hurt them! But people don't always understand this--I'm learning.
"I have a bad habit, however, And that's that I take people at face value and I refuse to believe that anybody is really bad. This is why I sometimes get involved with the wrong type of men...which brings us to the crux of the story.
"Not too long ago I started to date a man who was quite a bit older than myself. In the beginning it was wonderful. He took me to all the exciting places in Hollywood and we went to premiers and galas where I could wear gowns and sophisticated clothes. As I said before, my dates with the boys my own age were always casual, so the clothes and all made this man and dating him super-exciting.
"But then he, like the others I'd dated, wanted to get serious. I didn't want to, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I would always answer him with 'maybe' or 'we'll see.' Never anything definite.
"Of course, after a while, he got a bit fed up with my answer and pressured me. I told him then that I did not want to settle down--yet. He claimed he understood and agreed that someone of my age (which made me feel about two years old!) should date many men. He said he'd wait 'til I was ready. I was pleased with his acceptance of my answer, though I did feel a little put-down by the way he phrased it!
"Anyway, though he claimed to agree with me, he still kept asking me out very frequently. And I started to date other men, too. Before I knew it I hardly had a second to breathe--much less study my lines or eat or sleep!
"Anyway, to cut a long gruesome story short, I worked myself into quite a state of emotional and physical exhaustion. It became noticeable to all--and, somehow, especially Brian. One day he asked me if anything was the matter. I started to tell him it was only a headache, but in the end I wound up shouting that I was worn out--thoroughly tired!"
Kathy sighed just then at the mere remembrance of this difficult period in her life. Then she continued, "Somehow I kept Brian from pursuing me about this and let it ride a couple of days. But, I myself could not keep from asking myself why I was doing this to myself and I wondered whether I was really in love with this older man. No matter how many times I asked myself this question, the answer never came out a definite 'yes.' Anyway, I finally decided to talk to Brian about 'my problem.'
"The next afternoon after we finished shooting, I took Brian aside and told him the whole story. I knew he knew the other fellow and had worked with him. But, what I didn't know was that he didn't like the other man! Anyway, after listening to my whole tale of woe he told me his feelings about my 'friend' and then continued to explain that he was a fool to try to trick me by saying he agreed, but not following it through by letting me really go my own way. Then, Brian told me that I was an even bigger fool if I let this thing continue! Wow! That hit like a brick wall!
"But I guess it was good for me 'cause immediately I wasn't confused and I wasn't involved in a mass of loose ends. I felt stronger, more self-assured and I knew what I definitely had to do!
"That night I went home and when the phone rang I got a real weird sensation. I knew it was this man and I knew what I had to say. And, I am proud to say I said it all without hesitation. I explained my position and told him I'd be happy to see him occasionally--but that was all. If he liked that arrangement, fine. If not--too bad!"
A dreamy look came over Kathy's face just then. "One thing that I know for sure and that's that I would never have been able to do it without Brian!
"My romance with that man is all over now, but you know, I don't feel the least bit alone. Why should I? I've got Brian--and he is one friend I know I can depend on!"