A BRIEF INTRO TO BONDAGE FOR THE CURIOUS

I get asked a lot about bondage by guys who've never tried it, so I'm gonna answer a few of the common questions here, and maybe that'll be useful. I'll assume you're curious about being the bottom (the one who gets tied up), because I only top.

First off, if you don't actually fantasize a lot about being tied up, if the thought of not being in control of what happens to you doesn't get you hard, chances are that bondage isn't for you. If you're not curious about bondage, please be honest and say so. Sometimes I'm in the mood for vanilla, too, but sometimes I'm not. I'm happy to chat about bondage with guys who aren't sure if they want to try it or not. But if you're just pretending to be into bondage to get my attention, and what you really want is vanilla sex, you're only wasting time for both of us.

So what's a bondage scene like?

Talking beforehand Before you start to play, you and the top should talk about what things you need to be satisfied and what things you definitely don't want to have happen. If, for example, you really get turned on by being spanked hard, let the top know. Don't just hope he can read your mind. Maybe he'd get really turned on by it, too, but he's afraid it's farther than you want to go. Or maybe he won't, but he'll do it to you as a reward if you turn him on in some other way that he likes. Don't wait until after the scene to tell him what you wished he'd done to you. Tell him beforehand.

Also discuss your limits. Be honest. If, for example, you don't like any assplay, say so up front. It's up to the bottom to set the limits for the scene, and up to the top to stick to them once the scene starts. Sometimes you'll find out that what you and the top like and don't like doesn't leave any room for much of a scene. If that happens, thank him for his time and move on. It happens sometimes, and there shouldn't be any hard feelings.

You shouldn't play with a top if you don't feel you can trust him to respect your limits. Thank him for his time and move on. It's okay to ask him to meet you for coffee someplace neutral first, if you want to get to know him a little better first. (It's also okay for him to say no thanks. Everybody's looking for different things. If things don't work out between you and the top, let it go and keep looking for someone who's more on your wavelength.)

My limits:

• Sucking without rubber is okay, but no cumming in mouth
• Fucking only with rubber
• No blood sports, no scat, no fisting
• No heavy S&M, nothing that will leave marks beyond the length of the scene

Some stuff I get real tired of sometimes:

• Guys who swear up down and sideways they want to get tied up, and then they turn pale and nervous when I get out the ropes and ask if we could just have vanilla sex.
• Guys who swear up down and sideways they want to get fucked hard and rough, and then after two minutes of it they say their asses are sore and could we do something else.
• Guys who swear up down and sideways that they have no limits at all. Everyone has limits somewhere.
• Look, I know we don't always know what we want until we try it. But if you're not sure, say so. That's fine. Then I know that if we play it's going to be a relaxed low-key scene where we try out different things and see what turns us on and what doesn't work. Low-key scenes are fine, especially if we're playing for the first time. But it's just frustrating if I've been setting up something intense and I can't go very far with it because the bottom suddenly realizes ten minutes into the scene that his limits are a whole lot narrower than he told me they were and he's suddenly having a horrible time.

Getting tied up To tie up my bottoms, I usually use black leather shackles that fasten around the wrist with both velcro and a buckle. They're very comfortable and satisfying to struggle against -- you can pull hard on them and they won't bite into your wrists. I also have lots of rope and several pair of handcuffs that I use sometimes. I've been playing around with pure rope bondage some in recent months. It can be more time-consuming but there's a lot of beauty in it.

Now what? What happens next depends partly on the top's mood, and partly on the limits the top and bottom agreed to beforehand. A good top is careful not do anything that goes past the bottom's limits. Some things that could happen to the tied-up bottom are: fucking, sucking, playing with nipples (gentle or rough), edging (bringing the bottom close to cumming and then frustrating him, maybe several times), tickling, assplay (dildo, vibrator, or fingers), spanking. I've done various kinds of roleplaying scenes sometimes, and have enjoyed those. Lately I'm into long slow scenes in which I keep the bottom edging for an hour or two or maybe even more.

This is only a fraction of the possibilities, but I don't want to tell everything. For the bottom, not knowing what might happen next is usually part of the turn-on.

S&M Bondage doesn't have to include S&M. It's perfectly okay for the bottom to put that off limits. But you ought to try it once if you haven't. Most guys are surprised to find that light pain is a turn-on they never realized they had.

S&M play doesn't have to be intensely painful. The kind of heavy-duty stuff you see in, say, Zeus videos is a lot more serious than I ever get into. Even if you have a low pain threshold, you might get turned on by some very light S&M -- tit clamps, for example, or spanking. The point is to use just enough pain that the bottom finds it erotic, not overwhelming.

If you're curious about S&M but have never tried it, make sure you let the top know. A good top will go very gently and slowly with a novice.

That really just skims the surface of what bondage is about. I hope it satisfied your curiosity. If it just whetted your appetite to learn more, chat me up sometime.