This document outlines MY personal beliefs relating to the current transgender reality. Dissenting opinion is welcome and encouraged.

JENNIFER'S TRANSGENDER REALITY

Living life Transgendered is a bitch. No big surprise to many. However there are many surprises in what I have come to believe is our current reality at the close of the 20th century. Hold on to your hat ya'll...

After nearly 40 years, god has it been that long, riding this rock round the sun with you all I have come to intellectually believe that being Transgender has made me a better person. I have a wider perspective on life, am not overtly violent, and that I add more to the world than I take out. In short that I am a more or less good person.

However, since I live in a world where only 2 gender choices are available, I am forced to live a lie. To live in my case as just another genetic male. I am forced to deny in many respects that which makes me unique. We could explore many reasons that this is bad but let us simply say that anything that is a fundamental part of ones character which must be hidden will be a source of turmoil in ones life.

Secondly there is a dirty little secret in the transgender world. Many speak of 'community' and coming together but the reality is that we are all more interested in hiding or covering our own asses to really be a member of a community. Again by hiding we invalidate that which we seek to build.

Please understand that I am as guilty in all this as anyone else. In an effort to protect my position, such as it is(was), in the world and to protect my family I act in the same self serving ways as everyone else. Since I was silly enough to want a wife and family and a good job I have bought into a system that serves to keep me and by extension us all down. I am shackled with golden handcuffs or I live in a catch - 22. Either way it is not too pretty a sight.

Having said all this is there a point to this rant. Perhaps yes, perhaps no. I just want to state that there is a cost for everything in life. Although none of us chose to be Transgender we have to pay the cost for our uniqueness. That cost is we get to live our lives alone to a greater or lesser extent. Since humans are social animals, living alone is one of the highest social costs one can be asked to pay.

I am hopeful that in time things will change. Perhaps one day we won't have to sneak around or ask permission to be who we are. Perhaps we will be given the chance to revel in what we are and be allowed to contribute to society as the multi-dimensional beings we are. Until then I will skulk around with the rest of you, grind my teeth, and scarf down the occasional Prozak. Happiness through modern chemistry eh...

This document outlines some of the basic definitions of Transgender. It by no means complete or will it make what is a very confusing and heterogeneous community easy to understand. I DO hope however it does shed SOME light on the Transgender community

DEFINITIONS

Who are these 'Transgendered' people?

A 'Transgendered' person is someone whose gender identity or expression differs from conventional definition of the masculine or feminine. For most people, there is no conflict or incongruity between their physical sex and their internal GENDER identification as male or female. For Transgendered people, however, their gender identity is in conflict with their physical sex, and thus their gender expression or physical characteristics may differ from their sex as assigned at birth.

Although transgendered people have been part of every culture and society in recorded human history, they have only recently been the focus of medical science. There is a broad consensus among medical researchers that Transgenderism is rooted in complex biological factors that are fixed at or before birth. This research confirms what transgendered people know and experience on a much more personal basis: being transgendered is not a choice nor a "lifestyle," but a difficult, uninvited challenge.

What are the various sub groups of Transgendered People?

There are many sub groups withing the transgendered community. In my own personal definition of the community we have:

*Fetishists, who use one or many items of clothing of a gender other than their birth gender for primarily sexual purposes.

* Crossdressers, who occasionally dress, in whole or part in the clothing of the gender different from their birth gender.

* Transgender (I also refer to this group as G.E.M. or G.E.F. - for more info consult the article elsewhere on this site) who have a gender definition that is a blend of both sexes and do not desire to live full time in a gender other than their birth sex.

* Transgenderists (persons living full-time in a gender other than their birth sex with no desire to pursue surgery).

* Intersexed persons, whose sex was arbitrarily assigned after birth and who often manifest physical characteristics, expression or identity that differs from the sex assigned without their consent.

* Pre-operative and post-operative transsexuals, those who seek to permanently change their bodies to match their personal gender definition.

Are Transgendered People Gay?

Most people do not understand that gender identity and sexual orientation are two different aspects of human sexuality. Gender identity involves a person's internal sense of being male or female, whereas sexual orientation involves those to whom one is attracted. Transgendered people have the same range of sexual orientations as non-transgendered people: most are heterosexual, and a smaller percentage are gay or bisexual.

Despite this reality, transgendered people are almost universally perceived to be gay simply because of their appearance, which is often that of a masculine woman or a feminine man. Because this perception is so pervasive, Transgendered persons are particularly subject to targeting by people who are obsessed with Gay and Lesbian stereotypes, and often cannot escape such targeting by adopting a "straight" appearance.

The reader should be aware that the following article is one of EXTREME Political Incorrectness. Perhaps if a few more brave researchers and writes such as the authors of Brain Sex step forward we will transcend Political correctness and move forward to the truth...

Brain Sex (The real difference between Men & Women)

Brain Sex is a book by Anne Moir & David Jessel published in 1989. It attempts to bring some sense to the many research efforts undertaken in the area of sex differences in the brain, brain chemistry, sexuality, and gender. An ambitious and most politically incorrect undertaking to be sure.

If the authors have not succeeded in their efforts they have made one hell of a first step. This can perhaps best be characterized by the introductory paragraph of the book....

"Men are different from Women. They are equal only in their common membership of the same species, humankind. To maintain that they are the same in aptitude, skill, or behaviour is to build a society based on a biological and scientific lie.

The sexes are different because their brains are different. The brain, the chief administrative and emotional organ of life, is differently constructed in men and women; it processes information in different ways, which results in different perceptions, priorities, and behaviour."

The authors as putting forth the case that sex or gender differences are real and a result of differing brain structures. These differences, they postulate, are the result of hormonally induced structural changes in the brain during fetal development. That is to say that we are wired male or female at the time of birth. What comes later is simply a matter of degree within that original gender definition in the brain.

This process starts at 6 weeks after conception. Depending on the fetal genetic makeup either ovaries or testes begin to develop. These organ in turn secrete hormones that will during subsequent fetal development complete the masculinization or feminization of that fetus.

It should be noted that the default fetal state is female. That is in the absence of androgens (ie testosterone) the fetus will become female. This will occur even if the fetus is a genetic XY, the male pattern. Further the impact of these hormones on the fetus during development appears to be permanent.

Many researchers believe that gender development takes place in three distinct phases. The first is the sex centres, that is the physical differences that differentiate men and women. The second, relates to our attraction to the same or opposite sex. Finally the gender based role centres in the brain are created. Behaviours such as aggression, socialization, and adventurousness are influenced by this stage.

Of course this is not to suggest that we come to life as complete and fully functioning beings. Far from it. However we do arrive 'wired' as it were in distinct and unchangeable ways. Typical little boys will be more aggressive than typical little girls. Most little girls will achieve language proficiency earlier than most little boys.

However there are too, many of us that, in whole or part, possess the brain characteristics of the other gender. Brain sex theory does, finally account for 'some' of what may be the causal factors in Transgender and Gay orientations.

While I don't wish to suggest that these theories are complete and 100% correct I do find much of the information in this book compelling. It does explain why there are 4 times as many male gays as there are lesbians. In fact the vast number of all sexual anomalies occur in men.

Perhaps this is just an overt example of the default fetal state being female. Disruption in normal development will obviously be more common in a fetus that is being transformed from the default state to the male state. In a world where environmental and chemical pollutants abound, many of which are estrogenic, should we be surprised that so many male children are born with such variations.

I should note at this point as a member of the male variation fraternity I am not judging these variations. Rather I am in search of the reasons that I am... as I am. Having been born with what I have come to believe is for all intensive purposes a feminized brain I can now come to a new level of understanding of my Transgender orientation.

If you should choose to read the book Brain Sex I would suggest the effort as merely a beginning to your study. While the book is compelling and does explain much, there is much yet to be learned. It is my fond wish that some of this knowledge will be the foundation upon which we can develop an understanding of each other that is more individual than general.

That is, if there in fact more than 2 genders we need to look at the individual rather than his/her sex organs. Since we will never see the most important sex organ in the body, the brain, we must begin to look beyond the obvious and delve into each other being if we hope to truly understand anyone.

Perhaps I will we wandering round with you all long enough to see a world where it is simply enough to be a positive addition to that world. Where the prime directive is to "Live and let live". Where it will be more important to the society who you hurt rather than who you love. If only that day could be today...;)

Eh!!! (Old Canadian Anachronism)

NOTE: This document is in draft and is incomplete. I will strive to add to it as my knowledge base expands and as time permits.

JENNIFER'S HOW TO...

There are many challenges and difficulties in creating a feminine image that is pleasing to ones self. Note that I said ones self. IMHO one has to make a personal decision what that image consists of and find the strength to carry out that vision. Since one can never please everybody it is perhaps best to please ones self, or at least to make a good attempt.

Before I invoke the wrath of the Transgender gods I should outline my position in the Transgender world. I am a divorced TS who is venturing out into the world more and more with each passing day. While I started, as I imagine many of you did, in the dead of night in a gay bar, my activities have taken me beyond that venue.

I am looking to perfect MY personal image, while blending into the normal range of feminine expression I see in day to day life. This doesn't preclude 'fun' dressing but my emphasis is on the day to day. I still have my share of mini's and 'slut' dresses but they get a lot less use than my jeans, shorts, and tee's. Go figure EH...;)

For those of you that are still here I will attempt to outline my solutions for the to the many challenges of Transgender. They are in no particular order and will be presented as they come to mind.

BODY HAIR

The one inescapable and perhaps cruel fact of attempting to be feminine as a genetic male is the proliferation of body hair that is the legacy of being bathed in androgens. In my case I have light body hair but the body hair I do have is enough to be problematic. Problem or not to ignore body hair in my own pursuit of my feminine image is NOT an option. No chest hair poking out from bra cups for me thank you very much...;)

Since body hair in male grows quickly and with age becomes more abundant it is one issue that will always be with us. That is not even to mention the first time one finds hair growing out of interesting places like our ears...;). Such is life, c'est la vie.

Body hair removal falls into a number of categories. The quick answer is to simply shave. While that technique has the merit of being easy and cheap, so to is it very temporary. There is NOTHING like a 5 o'clock shadow at 2 in the morning when one is en femme on the dance floor...NOT!!! In addition many of us experience moderate to severe skin irritation with shaving body hair. This can be a significant problem is one needs to remain hair free for a number of days.

A second option is waxing. This can be done at home but is more commonly done in salons. It has the advantage of being relatively quick and long lasting. however it is not cheap, especially if done in a salon. In addition one must find a salon willing to work on a genetic male not to mention the possibility of compromising your security. In a large city this is usually not a problem while in smaller centres it can be problematic. Oh and we can't forget the pain factor.

To have a significant patch of hair ripped from your body in a second or so is to say the least painful. This pain will be diminished with repeated waxing but the initial experience may be enough to discourage this method. I must add however that I have recently begun to use wax on my brows, with the assistance of my trusty G/F. This is one area where wax is IMHO the superior method of hair removal. Tweezers on the brow is just too DAMN slow not to mention getting all those itty bitty hairs is a major BITCH..

Delapitatories or hair removal cremes are also popular. I have had good luck with Sally Hansen hair removal creme for coarse or dark hair. Like waxing it is long lasting and effective. However it is messy and many will experience significant skin irritation. This technique is also messy and comes with significant safety issues. One of the first times I uses hair removal creme i neglected to apply it using rubber gloves only to remove most of the skin form my fingertips. In the end I was left with smooth legs and bleeding hands, perhaps not the best trade off. So if one were to use this option please be careful. I also found that with repeated use the hair on my legs tended to become coarser.

The last option I have investigated is mechanical hair removal. A number of mechanical devices or 'hair rippers' as I call them have come to market over the last few years. The one I am familiar with is the Silk Epil by Braun. It is a rotating disk device unlike the wire coil devices popular a few years ago. These device have only achieved a limited acceptance because like waxing they are painful. However they are effective and in my experience with repeated use the pain level is greatly diminished. In addition the rotating disk devices are much more controllable than other types which aids in the control of the pain. A second advantage of this method is that hair regrowth is finer and lighter with repeated use of the Silk Epil. This method is not for everybody but it is effective, long lasting, and over time cost effective as well.

FACIAL HAIR REMOVAL

Ok shaving is the obvious answer here. We all shave right... Wrong. Shaving for makeup application usually requires a lot of attention to detail and for me at least two attempts to achieve the desired result. Even though I am not heavily bearded I am still left with visible hair below the skin surface that requires a very liberal application of beard cover. Shaving is also the most temporary method of hair removal. For many, significant regrowth takes place in just a few hours.

The other methods are usually more time consuming and or expensive. These include electrolysis, laser hair removal, or plucking. Electrolysis involves the insertion of an electrically charged needle into the hair follicle to permanently kill that hair. Since it has to be done hair by hair it is time consuming and very expensive. Depending in the hourly rate charged and ones hair density it will cost many thousands of $$$.

Laser hair removal is new but quickly gaining acceptance. It has the advantage of being relatively quick. Usually only a small number of visits are required to completely remove all facial hair. It to is expensive, in the order of $ 3 - 6,000. Since this is a new technology there are many unanswered questions relating to the long term effectiveness and potential side effects of lasers in this application.

The final method I am familiar with is one I call the poor mans electrolysis. This is to simply pluck the hairs form ones face using a tweezer. It is time consuming but cheap. A tweezer costs < $5 and a good lighted mirror (which you need anyway) is < $50. However it is PAINFUL but the pain does diminish significantly with repetition. I would not recommend this however for those who are heavily bearded. I will publish an article on this process in the future.

***UPDATE I***

I have recently begun a series of laser hair removal sessions on my face, chest, and hands. MY laser electrolysis provider is using a long pulse ruby laser machine. To date I have only had 1 treatment but I did notice a significant decrease in hair density in the treated areas. Since some body hairs are dormant at any one time one must endure at least 3-6 treatments to ensure all hairs get 'zapped' while in the growing stage.

Of course the whole exercise is a 'bit' of a crap shoot in that the degree of permanent hair removal is at this point unknown. Laser electro is also expensive, although is one can get complete or near complete removal of the hair in 6 sessions or less the net cost should be 25-50% cheaper than conventional electro.

Finally one must face the pain factor. I found the laser process to be tolerable on the hands and body. In these areas i was zapped using maximum power setting. However in the facial area, with only medium power setting used, the pain was almost intolerable. This was most surprising to me as my pain tolerance is very high. By comparison the pain of the laser treatment easily exceeded the pain I have suffered in my many sporting injuries, surgery, and my numerous back injuries. Prior to my next treatment I'll be sure to coat my face in a topical aesthetic such as Emla. I may drool a bit but the pain should be greatly diminished.

***UPDATE II***

As a birthday gift to myself I had another laser treatment today. I am happy to report that the experience was a LOT less unpleasant than my 1st treatment. I coated my face in EMLA creme an hour prior to the laser session. The area of my face coated with Emla was covered with plastic with a 'cute' little hole for my mouth. The plastic and Emla creme was removed just before I entered the Laser office. One can't imagine how silly I looked especially driving to the treatment with my face covered in plastic...;). Ah the things we do in the pursuit of the feminine EH?

While the treatment still hurt.. a lot... it didn't bring tears to my eyes like my 1st treatment. In addition the nurse was able to use a higher power setting on my face..;). All in all it was a very successful session. Now I get to wait for the results. The gamble continues.

I have a third treatment scheduled for the end of June and I plan on taking the summer off with the hope that I'll have enough facial hair reduction to allow me to expand my feminine activities. Since laser electrolysis is bent done with no tanning of the skin taking the summer off will eliminate this potential difficulty.

BREAST FORMS

There are many options in breast forms from the simple use of a sock to the silicon breast form. In my case I began using a lead weighted cloth and foam mastectomy form. This form is made by Simone company and cost < $50. Perhaps a form of this sort is a good way to start. I would advise to avoid the sock or Kleenex stuffing approach. In addition I feel that as with much to do with femininity LESS is more. Nothing is less realistic, not to mention hard on the back that a 'T' person with 44D's. Oh and don't forget a good bra. I have found that some form of underwire bra is best, giving me the support and look that I desire.

Just recently I took a chance and ordered a pair of one size fits all, low buck silicon Breast ENHANCERS from a cable shopping channel. They cost me, get this $39.95 CDN, or about $57 with shipping, handling (I bet) and the usual taxes. Much to my surprise these forms actually seem to work. They are a generic brand called Wonder Form and they are similar to a popular breast enhancer called Classic Curves.

In any case with my normal guy type peck development the concave back of these forms seems to work great for me. I get an almost 'B' with the forms. In truth I am more like the before pic in the product literature but that is a long way from where I started. In a medium support underwire bra I get what seems to me a natural feel and bounce. The one issue yet to be resolved is durability, but at this price it is not the pressing matter it would be if I paid $500 or more for full Breast forms.

Given my experience I would suggest an investigation of Breast Enhancers might be JUST the ticket for many of us especially if you are on the slim side.

Here is one good site I have recently come across for such forms: