The bottom line is simply taking hormones without medical supervision is STUPID!!! No if's, and's or buts. So too is abuse of your body in other ways while on HRT. If you are on HRT and don't take care of your body you are just looking for trouble. This means a healthy diet, exercise, moderate intake of alcohol and no smoking are essential elements in a successful HRT regime. Regular blood tests, usually every 2 months and visits to your doctor every 6 months are also a must.

It should be noted that this particular page is a narrative. It simply is a collection of my experiences related to HRT. As such it may or may not relate to anyone else. This page is NOT a medical text, a FAC, or a how-to. I am still learning how-to do HRT for me like most others on HRT. As such I can only offer my experiences in the hope that some of the information contained thein will be of use.

Perhaps I should, before beginning my story, speak to the title of this page..."Hormones... Where the RUBBER really hits the road..;)". This is a tongue in cheek phrase but then again I am a tongue in cheek girl. But there is a message here too. What I am saying here is Hormones are where we begin to make permanent changes in our bodies and by extension in our lives. Once you begin hormones there is IMHO no going back. Such decisions shouldn't be taken lightly. Once we are well into HRT we also get to let our 'rubber' as in breast forms, etc. literally hit the road as hopefully we no longer need such assistance in the expression of our femininity. Now how cool is that...;)

And now for my HRT story...

Picture it. A small town on the shores of the north Atlantic, 1998.... oops I was having a Golden Girls flashback... early Altzimers perhaps?..;)

Anyway back in 1998 I had understood HRT to be an all or nothing thing. Either one was on the TS / SRS track & looking to transform fully or one couldn't get hormones. In the fall of that year I read an article @ TGFORUM by Dr Shelia Kirk, a post OP TS MD. She wrote of a new concept, low dose hormones for TG people. She related the story of how she came to accept the notion that lower doses of hormones, for TG people who had no plans to transition, could be acceptable from a medical point of view. This was a revelation for me and opened the possibility of hormonal treatment, albeit at a low level, while I was still living a closeted life.

With this knowledge in hand I rushed off to my family doctor. I presented her with a copy of Dr Kirk's article and requested to be put on the low dose HRT which consists of .5 to 1mg Estrace or .625 - 1.25 Premarin daily. This request stunned my doctor but with some discussion and an E-mail contact by Dr Kirk to her I was given the green light to proceed. Her one limitation is that she was unwilling to go further with the HRT until I obtained a letter from a therapist indicating additional HRT was warranted.

I still remember that 1st pill I took. It was simply a small purple pill but the taking of my first one was also a sign. It was my very first PERMANENT step into the expression of MY femininity. I had begun my journey into Womanhood. Even if I was just popping a pill alone in the dead of night this was an intense moment for me and one that I will never forget.

On a dosage of 1mg Estrace or .625 Premarin one should not expect radical physical changes. Full HRT usually entails 2-4 times this dosage combines with testosterone blockers and sometimes Progesterone (Provera).

Still with a few days I noticed a marked change in my mental state. I was more alert, my mind felt focussed and clear, and I felt a mild sense of elation. These effects are notable in that they are very similar to those noted in post menopausal women on HRT. Post menopausal women also use the same dosages of Estrogen used in low dose HRT for TG's.

The most profound effect for me in this was simply a feeling of wholeness. For the very first time in my life I felt like a complete being. The war between the masculine and the feminine that had raged in my mind began to abate and was eventually it was gone. It was as if the 2 halves of my being were brought together and merged into a complete being.... me..;)

Some may say that my reported 'effects' to this point are simply due to the placebo effect. In other words I just believed the pills were going to have these effects. While there is no definitive way for me to 'prove' these things happened the physical evidence does support a 'real' effect.

Within 2 months of starting low dose HRT my skin and hair became much softer. So much so that people were commenting on the change in my appearance. I also encountered a marked drop in my serum Testosterone from a baseline of 22.5 ng/ml to 4.8 ng/ml. This stunned my doctor in two respects. Firstly, such a drop in Testosterone according to her shouldn't have occurred in response to the introduction of such a small quantity of Estrogen. Secondly I encountered no impotentance at this low level of serum Testosterone. She had told me the usual level where Testosterone replacement is used is 5.0ng/ml. Subsequent to this my Testosterone levels returned to the base line levels.

I continued at this level of HRT until the fall on 1999 with only one additional effect of note. I had began to grow out my hair in November of 1999. Now I am very lucky to have a full cranium of thick hair but this time my hair came in curly where it had always been straight. Given the open admiration of my hair in my office I chose to accept this change with all the grace of a proper lady....lol.

With the approach of the fall of 1999 I sought and obtained a letter from a therapist confirming my TS status clearing me for full HRT. After going through 4 therapists over 2 years and accomplishing nothing more than furthering their education at a cost to me of apx./$125 HR I was surprised how easily I obtained my letter from the last therapist. I guess the right therapist with the relevant background and training is critical.

This therapist referred me to the one local endocrinologist that was treating TG's, albeit reluctantly, in September of 1999. I had entered his office hoping to get my HRT increased from 1mg/day Estrace to 2-4 mg Estrace and 5mg Provera (progesterone) a day. Unfortunately I left with a scrip for only 2mg/day of Estrace and I had to almost beg for that. To say I left discouraged was an understatement.

At the time of my endocrinologist visit a blood test was done. It showed a strange and unfortunate reaction of my body to the year of low dose HRT I has just completed. My Testosterone had shot up to 28 ng/pl which was 4 points above my baseline level and Estradial level had fallen below 75 ng/pl when the baseline had been near 100. To put it mildly I was NOT pleased.

My displeasure increased over the following weeks when research on the net confirmed that ones body sometimes reacts to the introduction of estrogen by producing more testosterone. My self perception was that this was happening to me and nothing seemed to change even on the increased dosage of Estrace. I had hoped to avoid mega doses of Estrogen or Testosterone blockers but in the ensuing weeks my discomfort with this situation only grew.

Eventually I sought the assistance of my family doctor. She suggested an immediate increase of my Estrace dosage to 3mg/day. She also suggested that we consider adding a mild Testosterone blocker, Diane-35 which is used to treat skin problems caused by excess Testosterone in genetic women. A second medication we discussed was Promethium which is a micronized Progesterone. So I left my family doctor's office with my Estrace dosage increased and a reading list to study.

Amid these negative effects I did encounter one very positive effect I've attributed to my HRT. Even on the increased dosages there was no sign of impotentance. I was still sexually active and orgasmic. However the nature of my orgasms DID change, for the better IMHO. My sexual responses could never be characterised as typically 'male' though I saluted the flag regularly like those equipped with external plumbing.

Like most people with external plumbing I was easily aroused, but unlike most I stayed at a heightened level of arousal for a very long time before I was ready for the release of orgasm. This is the usual female pattern. The nature of the orgasm was unfortunately 'male'. Explosive and over in a matter of a few seconds. While this served the purpose it was at odds with my mental state which of course follows more along the feminine lines.

Recently a most curious yet wonderful thing started to happen. At the end of a long a particularly wonderful lovemaking session I had what can only be described as a Female orgasm. It built slowly and come over me in wave after wave. Unlike the male type orgasm this was a full body experience and had me catching my breath, again and again and again. The experience went on for a minute or two and left me for lack of a better term 'drained' mentally and physically.

I am not sure who was more surprised at this development, me or my partner. In either case the both of us were left with a silly grin on our faces as we drifted off to sleep in each others arms. Subsequent replication of this experience has let me to believe that, for me at least, female orgasm is one of the nicer results of HRT.

Early in the new year I had surgery. This distracted me from focussing on HRT for a number of weeks. With the recovery I, well more correctly my G/F, began to notice some significant changes in my body. My every flat tushie was beginning to become round. The muscle definition in my shoulders and especially my legs (I am a runner) began to soften. This is probably due to 2 factors, muscle atrophy and The addition of a layer of fat beneath my skin. This added to The apparent softness of my skin and 'softened' my look.

Lynnie even noticed The beginnings of... dare I say it ... BREASTS...;) Over The space of about 2 months I went through a growth spurt that took me from AAA- to about an A. While this is not much it was enough for me to feel like I have breasts and it constituted a very good, albeit late, beginning. The accumulated changes are enough to cause me to wear a crop top/job bra when running. I also jiggle a bit when I run which is a new and neat sensation.

Of course there is a downside to breast growth too. The damn things are quite painful. Sudden movements, especially without a bra and any significant contact sends pain shooting through my body. A few weeks back one of my sons accidentally elbowed me in my breast. It was all I could do to smile at him and not pass out...;) I have also had to begin dressing in a manner to cover The developing chest. Work is unaware of my T journey and I hope to defer any decisions relating to work for at least a while yet.

It is a shame that hormones don't correct The problem of facial hair growth. While my body is changing in a way that adds to my ability to appear in public and get accepted for The girl I am The presence of facial hair is one major impediment holding me back. I have begun a series of Laser Electrolysis treatments in The hope that this technology will solve The age old problem of facial hair.

At this point I feel as if The journey is well begun. I am out of The starting gate and I know where I am going even if there is a 'bit' of a ways to go before I get there. Still I try to focus on The positive and hold The feeling I get when looking in The mirror & see The outline of The girl once buried so deeply inside of me. To have seen her at all is something that a short time ago would have been an unrealistic dream.

Perhaps there is life at The end of The rainbow EH?

AUG/2000

Recent events have warranted an update to this page. I just had a medical check-up. At this time I learned that my hormone levels were in The normal or more correctly near normal range for a woman. My Estradial level is 350ng/pl range and my Testosterone level is about 8ng/pl and falling. I find this most encouraging especially that I have yet to resort to Testosterone blockers.

My current HRT regime was also modified slightly to 4MG Estrace and 10MG Provera a day. Other than a significant increase in cost for The Provera due to a worldwide shortage of The stuff The change has proved to be an easy one. I am still taking a sh** load of vitamins a day but to date there have been no complications of great note...yet.

My current pill popping routine is as follows. Upon waking I take a 400iu Vitamin E, 500mg vitamin C, a calcium/magnesium supplement, and a HORRIBLE tasting .4 mg Folic acid capsule. In The evening I take 4mg Estrace, 10mg Provera, and a 50mg slow release B vitamin complex capsule. If nothing else this has allowed me to escape my usual 2-4 bouts of The flu a year. I have only had The flu once in The last 18 months...;)

The impacts of The new regime as much The same as have happened to date. I continue to accumulate a layer of sub-cutaneous fat all over my body. My tushie continues to spread and get rounder and The muscle loss I had noticed a few months back has continued. I have lost enough muscle that tasks that once were easy have become a lot more of an effort.

Breast development has continued at a steady rate. I am approaching The coveted B status..;) One interesting element is that while The rate of growth has remained pretty constant my perception of The breast growth has changed. Initially The development was VERY apparent and gave me a sense that my breasts were 'really' developing. After this initial spurt of activity my breasts have tended to spread and develop towards The underarm and cleavage area. This is producing a more rounded and natural appearing breast... can you spell Provera...;)... but it does lessen The apparent growth of my breasts. That is until I wear a tight top I had not worn for a month or so and then The development is readily apparent. I guess The final statement I should make on breast development is that I recently passed along my breast forms to a local sister just beginning her journey. I guess this was The ultimate statement for me on my own breasts..;)

Testicular atrophy has also continued and in addition The diameter of my penis has decreased by about 20% when erect. Sexually I am still functional but I have little desire. It is odd to intellectually know that my sexual desire has evaporated but not miss it at all. I am hopeful that this will return to 'normal' after GRS with The reduction in my HRT dosages.

MORE TO FOLLOW....

This section of my page will grow as time permits.

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Copyright © April 2000 - Jennifer Lynn
Last revised: Aug 2000 V 1.3