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Hurry up and make me laff !
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Take me to Unofficial Gay Help
Take me back to the top!
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, , each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottled and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals - unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".
Cat If you throw a cat out a car window, is it kitty litter? ----====--------====--------====--------====--------====--------====--------====---- Rottweiler Two boys are playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar & twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Forty Niners' fan saves friend from vicious animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Niners fan," the boy replies. "Oakland Raiders' fan rescues friend from horrific attack," the reporter starts again. "I'm not a Raiders fan either," the boy says. "Then what are you?" the reporter asks. "I'm a Cowboys fan." The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Redneck bastard kills family pet." *&^HHAA!*&^
Take me to the top
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. ...(aahh, the accountant's way of life!) Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. Two wrongs are only the beginning. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. You can't fall off the floor. ...(I beg to differ with this one) The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society...(especially naked men) If a man is talking in the forest, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
Take me to the top
Future Chrysler commercial? Camera pans from ocean scene over to highway nestled in cliffs. A shiny new car comes shooting out of a tunnel and around the curves. Camera follows car. Announcer: The new Chrysler Straightarrow, the perfect car for the heterosexual man... (Camera focuses Mr. Straight behind the wheel. Girlfriend sits in passenger seat (must be approximately 15-20 years his junior) puts her hand on his hand, which is on the manual shifter. Mr. Straight looks into camera, apparently confident in his sexuality.) Announcer: ...or at least the man who has lived a heterosexual lifestyle so far. (Mr. Straight looks alarmed. Action stops.) Announcer: We know the truth, though. All those dreams about Charlie Sheen... we know the real truth. That's why we have developed this new car. Maybe now your dad will never disown you and your weekend footbal friends won't gaybash your ass. No one will ever suspect your true orientation. (Action resumes. Mr. Straight continues driving, looking around to see if anyone has noticed that he's really gay.)
Finals Week
Finals week and nothing's well
tell the teachers "go to hell"
four more days that will really suck
shoot me now---i don't give a fuck
give me beer and a big cigar
sell my books and load the car
fuck the profs, fuck them all
we'll see them again in the fall
to hell with school, books, and class
finals week can kiss my ass.
hope ya'll do well.
Skip
Skip
Brandon J. Walsh
500 College Ave.
Swarthmore, PA 19081
(610) 690-5683
*****************************************************
timothy earl valentine
box 2152 gettysburg college
gettysburg penna 17325
s369457@gettysburg.edu
http://www.gettysburg.edu/~s369457
*****************************************************
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WELL here's a few reasons why guys like girls
1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. the ease in which they fit into our arms
5. the way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right
in the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes
it all worth while
8. because they are always warm even when its minus 30 out side
9. the way they look good no matter what they wear
10. the way they fish for compliments even though you both know
that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. the way her hand always finds yours
13. the way they smile
14. the way you feel when you see their name on the call display
after you just had a big fight
15. the way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know
that an hour later....
16. the way they kiss when you do something nice for them
17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you'
18. actually... just the way they kiss you...
19. the way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. then the way they apologize for crying over something that
silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22. then the way apologize when it does hurt ..(even though we don't
admit
it!)
23. the way they say "I miss you"
24. the way you miss them
25. the way their tears make you want to change the world so that it
doesn't hurt her anymore.....Yet regardless if you love them, hate
them, wish they would die or know that you would die without
them... it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they
were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them
in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a
million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own
life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her
very heart. We love them for a million reasons, No paper would do
it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A
feeling. Only felt.
1,2,3,4
After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to
perform anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few
things
but nothing works.
Finally the doctor says to him "this is all in your mind", and refers
him to
a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confesses,
"I
am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."
Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.
The witch doctor tells him, "I can cure this", and throws some powder on
a
flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke........
The witch doctor says "This is a powerful healing powder but you can
only use
it once a year! All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for
as
long as you wish!"
The guy then asks the witch doctor "What happens when it's over?"
The witch doctor says "all you have to say is '1234' and it will go
down.
But be warned it will not work again for a year!"
The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with
the
good news....... So, he is lying in bed with her and says "123", and
suddenly he gets an erection.
His wife turns over and says, "What did you say '123' for?"
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