Do you choose your sexual orientation? Of course you do! I remember when I was just a wee lad, laying on my bed one night, deciding whether I wanted to sleep with guys or chicks. I even wrote up a list of pros and cons. If the time has come for you to decide, maybe my list will help.

WOMEN	MEN
Can use handy baseball scoring system when telling friends.	Gay guys don't have first base.
Breasts unfortunately reminiscent of cows.	Look! It's Joe Camel!
How do you know when you're turning a chick on?	Like, DUH.
Who wants to sit through all that stupid foreplay?	Foreplay? We don't need no stinkin' foreplay.
What exactly is all that stuff downstairs?	Like I'd need a roadmap.
Genitalia has a tendency to smell like a certain sandwich filling.	Genitalia has a tendency to smell like a certain dairy product.
Older women are frequently generous to young, attractive men.	I'll bet if I blew David Geffen a couple times he'd give me Keanu Reeves.
All that hair will clog the shower.	Like Alec Baldwin won't.
Cleanup's a breeze.	Buy paper towels.
What do you talk about afterwards?	"Hey, how about them Mets?"
Call me crazy, but there's something wonderful about soft, smooth skin, hair scented with lavender, and the scent of talcum powder on the pillow.	So go out with David Duchovny.
If I can't get it up, I'm screwed.	Truer words have never been spoken.