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PapaHi Papa! :))
I am really confused and I need your help. OK, to start off, my problem is that I don't know If I'm in Love with some guy I met over IRC more than a year ago. At that time both of us were "straight." He is the kind of person you can be all your life with and also the person you can hug 24/7. I told him I was gay in January and we have always been the best of friends, and yes I've always had some sort of small attraction to him, but nothing big. But, everything changed when he told me he was gay 3 months ago. I was totally psyched! And from that day on we started developing a better friendship. We met in Mexico some weeks ago and since the day I met him in person, I have the biggest crush ever... in fact it isn't a crush. I love him. I just love him for who he is, he's just so great. We never had sex or anything cuz we are just good buddies, that's it. We had a great time but after all that he told me he had a boyfriend. I'm really happy for him cuz he's super happy at his side, but deep within me I do love him and I don't know what to do... Do I let this pass as a crush or just forget about him? I am really, really confused.
Please help me :|
Hola amigo!
Well, sounds like you have yourself a really good friend there! I really don't think you have a whole lot of choice here. Being that he presently has a boyfriend he is obviously very happy with, I think you need to move on. Continue to be happy for him and find your own happiness. You sound like a sweetheart and I'm sure you'll have no trouble!
Good luck sweety,
Papa
Papa,
Hey, I am 17, and just "coming out". I have been out to my friends at college for about three and a half months now. I have a wonderful girlfriend who is always there for me, as well as several other friends who are very supportive. Everyone who is important in my life, now knows about my sexual orientation, except my parents. My family lives in a very small town and maintains "good southern, Christian values" (i.e., they are ignorant and closed minded). They have, however, always told me they would love me no matter what... I want to tell them. I feel so far away from them because I have to keep such a special part of my life private, and I am hurt by the mean and uneducated comments they make about people different from them. But I can't just tell them and not worry about what they think like they were just people off the street. They mean a lot to me and have a lot of control over my life right now. They are paying for my education, as well as my car and food. All of these things are secondary, but necessary for my survival. I can't take care of myself without them, but I can't lie to them in order to get material things. How do I make this kind of a decision?
Thanks for your time...
Hiya!
God luv ya! You sound like a very thoughtful and intelligent young person. (Most are, by the way!)
Please understand that I'm not copping out here. However, this is a decision only you can make. You have obviously given this a lot of thought and have weighed both sides.
If you truly feel that coming out to them at this point may threaten your survival, you may want to hold off a bit on coming out to them until you can be self-sufficient.
Coming out is a very personal decision and unique to everyone. Not knowing you or your family personally, I would only be doing an injustice in advising you further.
I trust that with your intelligence, you will make the decision that is right for you.
Whatever you decide, keep yer chin up and let me know how it turns out!
Papa
Dear Papa,
I am a 26 year old grocery clerk. I thought I was gay, I tried it with some guy from where I work, but afterwards I felt greasy and used so I have decided that I'm not gay. The guy that I work with won't leave me alone. He said that if I don't continue our affair he would tell all my gay-bashing buddies what I had done to him. What should I do?
ARRRRGH!
Lemme at him! That no good, son-of-a @#$%&(%#$%!!!
Is this Neanderthal gay? Is he out? Do his knuckles scrape the ground when he walks?!? If he is gay and not out, which is likely the case, don't worry about his threats. It is most likely that he will not out you or he will out himself in the process.
If he is gay and out, feels like he has nothing to lose by outing you and continues to threaten you, tell him you will notify the authorities that he is trying to blackmail you. If he continues, you may need to follow through and report him.
Don't let this first experience with Ape Boy turn you off from how feel about the possibility of your being gay. If you felt used, you just might have been. Not all gay men are so mean and callous.
As I've stated before, being gay is not just about sex. If you truly feel in your heart that you are attracted to other guys physically, emotionally, mentally, etc., try to accept it and make better choices as to who you choose to be intimate with.
If you still have problems with him, e-mail me and we'll figure out what to do about your situation together.
Keep in touch!
Papa
Papa,
I am a 19 year old who is in love with my best friend, Dave. But, I'm too scared to tell him because he has this amazingly beautiful girl friend. I also have a girlfriend, but even if I was straight she still wouldn't be very good. How do I dump Malynda, and tell Davey we are meant to be together? I'm afraid if I tell him that I'm Gay, and want to be with him, I'll lose my friends, girl friend and my chance to be with Dave. I've tried to express myself through actions, but he hasn't caught on. HELP ME!!!!!
With love, C. B.
Hey C.B.
"Hold on! Wait a minute! Don't go there, cause I ain't wit it!"
Sorry, that's from a song but I think it applies here. Totally sounds like you're jumping the gun here. First off, you need to think about why you are going out with Malynda if you are gay and not happy being with her. If this is the case, being with her is neither healthy for her or for you. That should be the first thing you need to "straighten" out.
It's very difficult to love someone from afar. It must be really hard for you. However, you need to take a step back and understand that as much as you are in love with him and feel you two are "meant" to be together, it may be possible that he is not gay and will not feel the same way. Even if he is gay, he may not feel more than friendship feelings towards you.
Go back and read the letter from Alex and my response to her.
Slow down and think about the situation before you take any action on it.
Hope all turns out well and keep me posted on what you decide.
Love ya!
Papa
Dear Papa,
I am a 16 year old male. Last year around this time I "got intimate" with another male, it was my first time and he was a little older than I was (he was only 20), but anyway I did like it. I haven't seen him or spoken to him since. Between then and now I have had two girlfriends, but I still find men attractive, not saying that I don't find women attractive. I let all of my friends know the truth about what happened and how I still find certain men attractive. I go to an all guys high school, and almost everyone there knows the truth. I get harassed about it a lot, but the friends that I have stay by my side.
It is really tough growing up not knowing things about yourself, or even knowing why you think or feel differently from everyone around you. I was hoping that perhaps you might have some advice to help me, God knows that I need it. Thanks a lot.
Aaron
Hiya Aaron!
Boy, do I love ya! It's a very brave thing you did, confiding in your friends! Sounds to me like you don't need a whole lot of advice. You are doing what is a very important thing to do for people who are or feel they might be gay. You are building a support system for yourself. Your friends. Bravo to them for sticking with you!
You don't feel differently than everyone around you, by the way. There are many, many people that feel the same way. You are NOT alone! It's even possible that some of the very kids that harass you may feel the same way you do and harass you so that no one will know about them! Or, harassing you may be a way for them to push their own feelings away.
One little bit of advice I do wanna give to you, is to not be in a rush. When you "got intimate," you were 15 years old. I'm not saying this is true of all older people, but some are out just to find someone younger to "play" with. Many times, the younger person doesn't have the experience to tell apart those who just want to play from those that want a relationship.
If you are questioning your sexual orientation, you may want to check out a gay and lesbian youth group if there is one in your area. If they are doing their job well, they will not "pressure" you to "be gay", but rather help you understand what your feelings are either way. If you don't know of any gay and lesbian youth groups in your area, e-mail me your zip code and area code and I will be more than happy to find out for you.
Also, ALWAYS be safe! Check out the following link if you are sexually active with guys and/or girls!
Be true to yourself, kiddo!
Love,
Papa
Papa,
It is not usual that I talk about this. I Know perfectly well what I am, but I am sure there must be a way to change one's sexual orientation when it is mistaken... I have fought with myself all my life (21 years) and the more I fight, the more I like what I should not... What do you think about it? My address is not specified but please, answer publicly, I will be waiting for it!
Adolfo!
Oh Adolfo!
You state that you know perfectly well what you are. Sexual orientations are not mistaken. You may not want to accept that you are gay, but "You are, Blanche. You are!"
There have been different methods used to try and change one's orientation that have, more often than not, been harmful to the person's mental and emotional well-being. You can choose not to act on your feelings, but they will always be there.
Please stop fighting with yourself over this. When people fight, someone usually gets hurt. In this case that person will be you. What you need to do is to find yourself a good gay or gay-friendly therapist to help you to ACCEPT who and what you are.
There is NOTHING wrong with you or being gay! Once you accept that fact, you'll find that you will be more at peace with yourself and others.
Good luck to ya!
Papa
Dear Papa,
My boyfriend and I have been going out for 7 months now(by the way I am a man also). Within the past month he has started to change (for the worst). He has had a very short fuse lately. I don't know if it's something I am doing or what. We are total opposites. I'm the romantic type and he's the party type, etc... For the first 2 months we went out, I said that I loved him but he never said anything back so I finally confronted him about it and we almost broke up. He said he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with a man or woman. It really broke my heart. But we didn't break up, we worked everything out. It's just lately he has been real edgy. I met this really cute guy in my English class and we have a lot in common, but I don't know if he is gay or not. He claims he has a girlfriend but every time he talks about her it seems like she is a whole other person. Anyway, I want to get out of this relationship but I am afraid to be alone. I am still in the closet, but I want to come out. It's just I'm afraid to. I don't really know what I'm afraid of. I want to go out with this guy but I don't know how to really get to know him(if you pardon the expression).
Any advise? Pleeeease.
Thank you, J
Hey J!
Am I a poet or what?!?
As with most of the letters I get, you have more than one issue you need to deal with. If you want to know why he's so edgy and quick to anger lately, I have an idea for ya. ASK HIM! Don't be so quick to assume it's you. Ya need to COMMUNICATE with each other. I can't stress just how important good two-way communication is in a relationship. How many times do we drive ourselves gonzo trying to get into someone else's head when all we have to do is talk to them and ask?
As far as him not being sure about being with a man or a woman, that's a thoughie. He may be bi or just not comfortable with being gay.
Before you decide to pursue your English class crush, think about the relationship you're presently in and if you feel it's worth continuing. If it is, you need to stay away from Ms. Shakespeare or you'll just wind up cheating on your boyfriend, and you know how Papa feels about cheating!
If you decide your present relationship is not what you want, jump Hamlet's bones! DON'T EVER BE AFRAID TO BE ALONE! Fear of being alone makes many people stay in very unhealthy relationships. However, jumping from relationship to relationship may not be the healthiest thing to do either. Many people are so afraid to be alone, they often make unwise choices in who they date so as not to feel lonely.
Sometime in the future, I will be putting a "Coming Out Wisely" page of my own on this site. It may be of some help to ya. Look for it in the near future!
Papa
Papa,
I am gay (sure of it.) I live in a small southern town(and so a cannot be OUT) and have a job I love. I would not consider moving at this time. My problem is that I simply can not find any nice gay men to date. I am LONELY for a lover/companion. Any suggestions?
Howdy!
How y'all doin? Ya know what I love about the south? Those priceless phrases people have to describe things. Know what I mean? Like... "that boy is so bow-legged he couldn't stop a pig in the road!" Or... "That boy's so dumb, if you took his brain and shoved it up a gnat's butt, it'd be like puttin' a BB in a box car!" Gotta love it!
You "cannot" be out? Sure you can! One chooses not to be out for whatever the reasons. Finding a nice gay man to date can be a problem even if you are an "outtie."
In your case, I would suggest a couple of things. Look through the personals. Lots of mainstream newspapers now include gay personals. Another thing you may try is to look through the Yellow Pages under the headings "gay" "social" and "organizations." You may find a community center or resource you can check out which may have support groups or recreational activities. These places are usually good places to meet people who are not just looking to hook up. Also, check out the Personals section on MY COOL LINKS page!
Good luck!
Papa
Dear Papa,
Here goes. OK, you see, I have this best friend and she has been out for many years. She thinks I am 100% breeder material. Yet I am in total agony because I have been in love with her for years. I have made sure I have been the best friend anyone could ever be. I have even supported her relationships and befriended her girlfriends. I have never told her how I felt because I would never come out publicly to my family. I just think that would be absolutely unfair to her - if she actually consented to being my girlfriend.
I admit, I was even in denial about my feelings for her for years. I even was engaged to be married. Now I just can't take it anymore. I have not let on that I am interested. Well, I am more than interested, it's not just a crush, I am definitely in love with her.
A few weeks back I psyched myself out that I was going to tell her that I was gay, but I didn't have enough guts to do so. I ended up telling her that I thought for sure I was gay all through high school and the beginning of college. It took a lot of guts just to say that, even to her. I guess, that was the first time I verbalized anything concerning being gay to anyone.
She smiled and was really great about it. We are very close, and now I even get an uneasy, nervous feeling around her. I guess because I am finally admitting this to myself.
The next day after telling her this, we had gone to the bar for a Sunday football game, and a friend of hers was flirting with me. I personally have always thought this amusing, and just joke around with the women telling them that I am sorry, I am straight. Well, my friend kept getting friendlier and friendlier with me, and of course was drinking more and more. She mustered up enough guts to come over to me, put her arm around me, and tell this woman, that if I were to ever go out with any girl, it would for sure be her. And if I didn't, she would be offended. Later on when she got even more tipsy, she came up to me and patted my chest....not an ordinary occurrence for best friends don't you think?
Now, I am really confused. I know how I feel, but could it possibly be she might be interested to? Now, lately, different people in the crowd that normally is out will say things that never were said before. They ask me...would I be her girlfriend, or just simply state...you two would make an adorable couple. What is this all about. It's making me uncomfortable.
I don't want to lost my friendship with my best friend. I would be devastated. There is a major glitch. She has a girlfriend, which I know she cares about, and is affectionate with, even around me, but they are also always fighting.
I have tried to paint you a full picture, and realize this letter is probably too long to print on the net, but I most certainly would like an answer/opinion. I am very mixed up. Is it possible to love someone so much, that when they are sad, you feel it, or when they are upset, it hurts you so bad, you can even lose sleep? Is this normal? Help.
Alex
Hi Alex,
Hey! Don't be shy! Just tell me what your feeling!
KIDDING!
To be so in love with someone who you feel you can't divulge it to. ARRRRGH! Makes me wanna hurl! Ouch, that's a painful thing to go through!
Seems to me you have quite a few things to think about, sweety. You state that you have never told her how you felt because you would never come out publicly to your family. What does one have to do with the other? Some people choose to come out only certain people. Just because you come out to one doesn't mean that you have to come out to all. Or is that all for one and one... oh forget it!
Would a decision by you, not to come out to your family, be unfair to her? Hell if I know! The person to make that call would be her. Some people can deal with a semi-closeted relationship while others can't.
You have quite a few issues to deal with, hon. Sounds like you are finally coming to terms with your orientation. Thank God you didn't go through with the wedding. All those gifts to return. Oh my! Along with coming out to yourself, you're also dealing with the closet vs. coming out issues. Add some fear of rejection and just plain old fear about the whole situation and you've got yerself quite a mess!
But, don't you get yer liver in a quiver! We'll figure this out together!
You gals are obviously very close friends. Doesn't sound like coming out to her would be a problem at all. Seems like she would take it very well. She probably already knows and is waiting for you to tell her. Wink, wink.
Should you tell her how you feel? If you do tell her, you have to be prepared for the response. She may either feel the same towards you or just look upon you as a very close friend. You need to be prepared for either answer. Also, if she did feel the same way about you, she also has he girlfriend to think about.
Should you tell her how you feel? Hmmm... If you think telling her how you feel will relieve all of the years of agony you have gone through, maybe you should tell her. I would suggest if and when you do tell her, you let her know that by telling her how you have and do feel about her, that you don't expect anything from her. She does have a girlfriend, after all.
If, in the great scheme of things, the both of you were meant to be together, you will be. However, I wouldn't push the issue. If it happens, great! If not, at least you will have relieved your burden and still have a great friend!
That's also pretty great too, no?
Papa
PS - At the end of your letter, you asked if it is "... possible to love someone so much, that when they are sad, you feel it, or when they are upset, it hurts you so bad, you can even lose sleep? Is this normal?" That's very common, but also very unhealthy. To empathize with someone you love when they are sad and upset and to be there for them and to give them support is great! However, to let their sadness become yours is neither healthy for you nor for her. Do not become so involved in her that you forget yourself.
Hi,
I think that homosexuality is a sin, God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. You are going to hell if you don't repent and stop what you are doing!!!!! Homosexuality is a sin. That's not the way God created it! Freaks!!
Well at least you had the courtesy to at least say hi! I like that in a bigot.
"God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." Just how tired is that phrase??? Answer? VERY!!!
I wish you intolerant, hate-filled, ignorant, annoying, prejudiced, biased, dictatorial, narrow, fanatical, uneducated, unenlightened, vexatious (cool word, huh?), exasperating, tiresome and disturbed people would at the very least come up with something new that hasn't come out of Anita (where is SHE now?) Bryant's mouth some 20 odd years ago! BORING!
I beg to differ Bigot Boy. As far as I'm concerned, God DID create Adam and Steve. He also created me and, honey, God doesn't make mistakes!
I have to repent? I think not, Narrow Nellie. My heart is filled with love and acceptance not ignorance and hate.
Do me a favor. When you get to where YOU are going, say hi to Hitler, Jesse Helms, Rush and the gang for me.
Love ya!
Papa
PS - Make sure you bring plenty of sunblock. It gets awful hot down there.
Dear Papa,
For a while now (about two years) I have noticed that I am really attracted to women. Don't get me wrong, men totally turn me on but when it actually comes down to having sex with a man...I freak! I want to and then all of a sudden, I stop everything and I refuse to have sex. I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't know if I am a lesbian or bisexual or just a freak of nature. Can you help me straighten this out?
Hi there!
Can I help you straighten this out? Ironic use of words!
This one is a toughie! There can be sooo many factors that come into play here. I would have to know quite a bit more about you and your past.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a guy? If so, has it been a positive or negative experience? Have you ever been in any abusive relationships with friends, family or lovers? What about sex with a guy "freaks" you out? What are some thoughts that run through your head when this happens? How do you feel about possibly being a bisexual or lesbian?
If you can send me some more info, I can try to help you out.
Hope to hear from ya!
Papa
Dear Papa,
I am a 34 year old guy that has been over weight most of my life. I haven't been with a man as a lover for about 10 years. Don't get me wrong, I have had sex with men but don't want anonymous sex!! I feel bad because I have let my body go to hell and its way too late to make up for lost time so I have to move on. My problem is that I eat too much and then feel bad if I gain weight so I lock myself up in the house for weeks and months at a time I stay home after work and on weekends and get my only real satisfaction with food. Its sick!!! I want to be loved and am a very honest and lovable person...Help is needed as I'm really depressed. I realize that food is not the answer and that I am really, really lonely....is there support for overweight people...I'm not lazy and am willing to cut down and exercise...just need some support.
Hey Hon!
First of all, doesn't it really suck that someone as honest and lovable as you is depressed over this? We live in a world where a lot of society, gay and straight, judge people by there outward appearance rather than seeing the true beauty inside. The message that is often sent is that you are not attractive unless you have a Marky Mark body, a Brad Pitt face and porn star's... oh well, you get the picture!
Seems like there are a few issues here you need to deal with. At 34, it's hardly way too late! You're caught in a vicious cycle in which you're using food as instant gratification, yet the end results are not what you want. You are lonely and want love in your life, but you can't seem to obtain it and food can be very comforting and is readily available. However, as you probably know by now, it's just an unhealthy "quick fix" that doesn't last very long.
Before you try some crazy diet where you have a celery stick for breakfast, a half of a grape for lunch and a Supplement Shake that tastes like flavored chalk for dinner, you need to decide who you want to lose the weight for. If you want to lose the weight for YOURSELF because YOU would rather be thinner, fine! If you want to lose the weight for YOURSELF because of health reasons, fine! If you want to lose it because you think you will be transformed into an irresistible Prince Charming that will have to beat off the men with a big stick, that's not very realistic and inadvisable. If you choose to lose the weight, do it for YOU!
Is there support out there for overweight people? You bet yer butt there is! If you decide that you don't want to lose the weight, contact your local Girth and Mirth Club where thin may be in, but fat is where it's at! Here you will find both "chubbies" and "chasers" for whom a large man is just what the doctor ordered!
If you decide you do want to lose the weight, realize that "diets" don't work. A diet implies that you will be on a restricted calorie intake and once you get to the weight you want to be, you come off of the diet. That's why so many people gain back the weight they lost and then some! What you need to do is to make a life change. Start to eat much healthier as opposed to starving yourself. Check out OA (Overeaters Anonymous) which have a good track record with helping people with support methods. Also, you need to do some healthy exercise. Walking is a great one to start with.
I wish you well and good luck to ya! And remember...
Papa loves ya!
Dear Papa,
I'm 26 years old and I still don't know if I'm gay or not. I'm used to dating women but I was never satisfied. Something is missing. I dream frequently about sexual intercourse with a man and enjoy it.
I don't know what to do. I'm thinking about trying to get a gay man to initiate me to gay sex. I'm not interested in gay lifestyle.
What should I do?
Please help me.
Johnny.
Hey Johnny!
Yours is a common situation. Unfortunately, no one can tell you what your sexual orientation is. This is something you are going to have to figure out for yourself. I can, however, give you some ideas to help you to come to your own understanding.
A lot of people think that having sex with someone of the same gender will initiate them to "Gaydom." Once you have sex with someone of the same gender, you're not given an official "Pink Card" as Somewhere Over The Rainbow plays in the background.
Ya see, although who you have sex with is part of what being gay is about, it's not the ONLY thing. To define what your sexual orientation is, you need to understand what sexual orientation means.
"Sexual Orientation is who one is attracted to physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually."
All of these things combined is what defines what your sexual orientation is. It's not just about who your doing the nasty with. When you say "something is missing", it's my guess that you're not being fulfilled emotionally, spiritually or mentally.
Some guys who struggle with their attraction to other guys will date women for several reasons. Some think that if they date women, they will "get used" to it and hope there feelings of same gender attraction will disappear. Yet others will date women so that no one will suspect them of being gay. These are some of the things you may want to think about.
As far as a "Gay Lifestyle," there is no such thing. Gay people lead "lives" just as anyone else does. Although I am gay, my lifestyle is different then some of my friends who are also gay. Everyone leads their lives differently with their own moralities, likes and dislikes. A "Gay Lifestyle" is nothing more than part of society's views on who and what we are.
Hope this helps!
Papa
Dear Papa,
I have a friend that is suffering with Parkinson's Disease. He has become increasingly immobile and requires more assistance around the house.. He needs a live in type person that can cook, clean, answer phone, run errands and assist my friend with his daily hygiene. Do you know where I can look for such a person?
Thank you for your time,
M.
Hi M,
You can try looking in the Big Yellow Directory and enter your information such as town and state and search for Home Health Care.
Hope this helps!
Papa
Papa,
I am a 19 year old female who is very confused. I love men. I like having sex with men. I just like being with men. But whenever I look at a picture of a naked girl, I get really, well, you know. It drives me mad. I feel like going out and getting myself a girlfriend right now. But I don't have any emotions for any females. What do I do?
P.
Hi!
You love men, huh? Me too!!!
I don't know you personally, and you didn't give me too much information to go on, but I'll try to help.
Looking at a picture of a naked girl gets you all tingly? No prob! You say you "feel like going out and getting myself a girlfriend." To label someone a girlfriend or boyfriend implies that emotions are attached, yet you say you don't have any for other females.
Well, many things may be going on for you. Some possibilities:
Papa
Papa,
My girlfriend and I had been starting to have sex in our relationship, when all of a sudden she says that she's not ready for sex yet. She got on birth control for that sole purpose and now she doesn't want to do it all of a sudden. Is it me? Could I possibly be doing something wrong? I try sometimes to extend the foreplay but she just doesn't seem into it anymore. I just cant figure out what she wants and when she wants it.
Greg
Hi Greg!
Hmmmmm....... Is it you? Yes! It's all your fault!
KIDDING!!!
In telling me that you "can't figure out what she wants and when," I'm hearing something very important that's missing.
COMMUNICATION!
In a relationship, THE most important thing is for both partners to be able to communicate with each other.
You shouldn't have to figure out what she wants. If you communicate with her and vice versa, you'll know! Many times we overlook the obvious solutions because we may be afraid to ask or afraid of the answer. However, if good communication is something that both parties are able to agree to work on together, many problems can be avoided, if not solved.
Papa
Dear Papa,
I have a problem. I'm 15 years old and not sure what I am. I mean, I know I'm a guy and all, but I don't know if I'm gay or not. I've had a couple of girlfriends but I think I'm in love with my friend, Jimmy, who doesn't know that I feel that way about him. Everytime I'm with him, I feel great! All I want to do is hold him close. We wouldn't even have to do anything but hold each other and I'd be really happy.
I've never had sex with a guy so I don't know what I am. What if I had sex with a guy and liked it? Would that make me bisexual or gay? I'm really confused about all this.
Any help?
Billy
Hey Billy!
How's it goin there, bud? Sounds like you've been doing a lot of thinking, huh? I've been there too and know how it feels to be in love with a friend. It can be a little difficult, especially if he doesn't know.
Are you gay? Bisexual? I don't know. That's something you're gonna find out about yourself in time if you don't already know. A lot of people think they're not gay or bi if they haven't had sex yet with someone of the same gender.
Being gay is not just about who you have sex with! It's more than who you wanna do the horizontal bop with.
To define what your sexual orientation is, you need to look at a few things. Although physical attraction plays an important role in determining what your sexual orientation is, more important is who you are attracted to emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc. These attractions, combined with physical attraction, will give you a better idea of where you fit in the scheme of things.
Most of the time, we, as humans, know what we are whether it be gay, bi, straight or whatever. It is sometimes hard for us to accept what we already know deep down inside.
Look more into how you feel about guys, Billy, rather than if you did the nasty or not with them. Whatever you decide for yourself, Billy, be honest, be safe, AND be happy!
Let me know how it turns out, my friend......
Dear Papa,
I am a 28 year old lesbian and I am just starting my first year at UW Milwaukee. I am taking 14 credits and working 25 hrs a week. My major is Pyschology. I have been in a relationship for about a year and a half now. My partner and I live together, like I had to tell you that. I love her very much but I just don't have the energy for this relationship any longer. I have also started to cheat on her. I can't say that I want to lose her but I am trying to focus on my life right now. I don't know how to balance the two.
Thanks, D.
Hi D.
First off, congrats on starting school. You go, girl!
Wow! Your life has become pretty busy. A good idea, trying to focus on your life. I wonder, though..... You've been with your girlfriend, who you say you love, for a year and a half. Isn't she part of your life that you have to focus on?
You don't have the energy for the relationship anymore yet you're not that tired when it comes to jumpin' in the sack with other people. It doesn't sound to me like your busy schedule and lack of time and energy are to be blamed for your relationship problem.
You state that you "can't say that I want to lose her....." My question is why? Is it because after the time you've spent together, you don't want to lose the security of being in a relationship? Or is it because you truly love her but have strayed off of the path and into the bushes?!?
Your busy schedule is not why you have strayed. There are other issues that you have with her and the relationship that have probably caused this. You need to relax, turn off the lights, light a candle and sit in a nice hot bubble bath and think about what is really causing you to feel this way.
Cheating is not the way to go about this, love. You're not being honest with your partner OR yourself. Think of the pain you'll cause if she finds out! Think about being on the other end and having someone do that to you. Not a pretty thought!
If after you get out of the tub and have come to the conclusion that you honestly can't go on with the relationship for the real reasons, you need to end the relationship and then romp in the bushes with someone else.
However, if after your little bubble bath you decide you do love her enough to make things work, you need to stop cheating and communicate with her as to what the problem is and work on a solution together.
After that, repeat the candlelit bubble bath thingy again.
Except this time, invite her!!!
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