Another Analogous Ranting!...

Another Analogous Ranting!...

I wrote this little analogy in mid June of 1997. It was in a letter I sent to a friend,... She probably thought I was a nut-case. In retrospect, it's a little strange, kind of amusing, and smacks of presumptuousness, but then,... that's me.

Work is going weird for me. I loathe the commute and my mind wanders aimlessly while I'm driving in the mornings. This morning a funny thought occured to me. It is not anything new, but it made me start laughing and I had to share it with someone.

I started thinking about 'Truth' and how it relates to our reality. (you and I have a completely different truth-factor as Christians, I think)

Reality is based on an assumption, or a percieved truth. Think about it. If someone comes along and challenges our reality, and can make an appealing assumption that can be substantiated to some degree, or can get enough people to agree on a perceived truth, that becomes our reality. After all, truth in the scientific sense is an element that is constant only until proven/realized otherwise. Truth in science is relative.

So reality is not, in a sense, constant. I started to ponder 'fluid reality' and realized that this was not a concept (even though I am familiar with) I was used to thinking about.

I thought about how I was once impressed with Rush Limbaugh's statement regarding Homosexuals and what he called Male Lesbians (i.e., M to F Transsexuals whose former heterosexual proclivities had remained intact) and people if that 'ilk' trying to change decent folks' idea of what truth is. When I read that it made sense to me. Now several years later, it seems so narrow minded and smacks of irresponsiblity. (especially the global assumption that there are no Transsexuals or Homosexuals who are 'decent' people.)

Why do we wind up ridiculing, or even downright hating people who challenge our realities? Why are we so violently opposed to new ideas? We seem so resistant to change that we fanatically hold onto our precious ideals. This frightens me, and amuses me at the same time.

I'm babbling, am I not? This whole thing was sparked by a statement that a gentleman had made to me in a friendly corrospondence. He said: "Can you imagine how many are people that freely change their role, also ONLY ONE TIME IN THE LIFETIME? A very little number. Free people are a few in this world. This is one reason for all the violence that surround us. Actually, I think you are a special person. And - at this moment - TG people are the most open-minded people on the net, I think too. You are a hope for me. A hope that, tomorrow, people can speak (to) one each other instead of shoot one each other. ">

I know the World as we speak of it in a Christian sense is not going to be getting better, but I believe that the hope and vision of humans treating each other with love and compassion is in line with our Christian beliefs. I think what interested me in this statement was the almost matter-of-factness with which he speaks of fluid gender being equivalent to freedom.

This triggered me to begin thinking about a statement that is used in many Eulogies. "This body is but a vessel, a husk if you will". This affirms my belief that what matters most about our existence is what we have in our hearts. Look out!!,... here comes the argument that, 'If what matters is in the heart, then why do we (TS's) feel a need to change the body'?

As humans, the flesh cannot be totally discounted. Sometimes I think I would like to answer that question with this statement, 'If we are in agreement that the heart is what counts, then why does it matter to you what my body looks like'?

There is a symbiosis here. Mind, Body, Spirit (actually, I regard the Spirit as the Heart/Soul component). I think TS's are born with an inconsistency in this trinity. I think the Heart/Soul is the closest thing to a constant in this system, I believe that it IS the being or the core so to speak. I think of the mind as the micro-computer/channel-changer/function manager component, and the body as the ambulatory component, or the vehicle.

I think we are conditioned from early childhood to believe that we must have a shiny, fast, good-looking vehicle to be accepted by the main stream. Males blue and Females pink, of course. Additionaly the Males have a little 'something extra' as far as parts go. The channel-changer (located under the hood) is erroneously assumed to be a low, if not non maintenance device and it will take care of itself. The core?, it's just an extra part that you don't know what to do with, so you toss it in the back seat.

The vehicle is real. You can touch it, you can feel, and smell it. When someone looks at you, they don't see your mind or your spirit! They base their assesment of you upon the asthetic value of, and quantity of amenities on your vehicle. Therefore, you want to present yourself in the best light possible, first impressions and all that. The only trouble is, what if you're Female and your paint job is blue?

What!??! How did THAT happen? The Manufacturer specifically called for you to have a pink paint job, but somewhere along the assembly line you got the blue finish. Now what? Things could be worse, you could have a door missing or a faulty axle, in which case somebody would no doubt notice and try to correct for you, but for all outward appearances, you vehicle is perfect.

You start out functioning at your core level, but your channel-changer tells you something isn't going right. Instead of the Oooh's and Aaah's you would be getting if you were pink, you're getting admonished for acting pink and being blue. Sort of backwards isn't it?

What to do? It's not too late, it's simple!, you just start acting blue! No big deal!! The more you act blue the more things begin to feel alright. You aren't causing waves, people are comfortable with you now, they smile at you. The more you act like they expect you to, the better you get along. They see blue, you act blue, Hey!!... you ARE blue!

Your channel-changer is getting pretty comfortable with the acceptance your vehicle is recieving. The older you get the more your vehicle and your channel-changer seem to agree. They're pretty happy with themselves, cruising along down that endless highway. Sure there are some bumps, potholes and detours, but basically they're content.

Something looms on the horizon. It's big,... it's bad,... and the brakes on your vehicle have just failed.

You thought it was in the back seat, just lying there coated with dust along with the empty styrofoam coffee cups and candy bar wrappers. Now, here it is towering in front of your speeding vehicle. No time to swerve, the brake pedal jammed to the floor in futility, your channel-changer shrieking like mad, you slam into it. Your tidy little life explodes into a shower of fragments.

Confused, you try desperately to put all the pieces back into place. No matter what, they won't fit, they REFUSE to fit. There is an inexplicable feeling of helplessness. Upon closer inspection you notice a bit of pink showing through the blue paint job.

The core is there, it always has been, always will be. The core is not yours to command as you wish. Your channel-changer can take over for periods of time and even mimic the core, but ultimately the core is unchangable. You begin to realize that the appearance of the vehicle is not as important as you once thought, it does however make life more pleasant to have the trinity in sync. After all, it's a lot easier to get a new paint job than it is to try to change the core.

Little by little you scrape away the blue paint. People are confused by your vehicles appearance. It's part blue and part pink! That's cause for a disturbance, and people begin to react to you as they did before your blue act, but somehow this time, your channel-changer senses what is right, it knows what must be done.

Okay! enough of the goofy metaphor. I think the hierarchy is: Heart==> Mind==> Body, and it is so strange that we humans insist on trying to make it fit (completely backwards) to suit society.

An additional thought (absolutely free!)

As I struggle through the world I've made some interesting observations. We don't seem to like conflict much, or confrontation for that matter. We feel best when we can lock those nasty things we don't like to deal with outside our doors, and wait for them to go away.

Trouble is,... they don't. They just get a chance to call their compatriots to come join them, and they all stand out there in the rain smoking cheap stinky cigars, telling filthy jokes, and drinking way too much foul liquor. They simply wait for us to come out when we run out of whatever it is we've run out of. Having gathered strength, they pound us twice as hard as they would have initially.

I see it happen, I sometimes do it too, but the world is not going to go away. The violence, the hatred, the sickness, the poverty, and yes,... every thing, or person so repugnant they make us quake, are quite literally, never going to leave us alone.

Buck Up!... wha?... That's right!!... I said Buck Up! Face it. Confront it. Deal with it. But, what of 'the meek shall inherit the earth'? you say. I believe this verse deals with agression, I don't think it means we shouldn't stand up for what we believe. The notion that we should sequester ourselves from the world in order to survive is insanity. We as human beings (especially Christians) need to open our hearts, as well as our minds, and you can be sure,... someone will benefit.

Š1997 Robin Leigh. Not to be used without express written permission!