The Yankee Belle March 2002 Tau Sigma Nu Epsilon Chapter Volume 3, Number 3 a Flagship Chapter of Tri-Ess International P.0. Box 7681, Nashua, NH 03060-7681 http://www.geocities.com/tri_ess_ne/ Marcia Gray, Chairperson marciag52@hotmail.com Joy G., Newsletter Editor joyg51@hotmail.com CALENDAR OF EVENTS Saturday, March 9, 2002 3:30PM - Board Meeting 4:00PM - General Meeting AVALON PRESENTATION Saturday, April 13, 2002 3:30PM - Board Meeting 4:00PM - General Meeting TAG SALE SO LUNCHEON Sturbridge, MA Saturday, April 27, 2002 Saturday, May 11, 2002 3:30PM - Board Meeting 4:00PM - General Meeting Saturday, June 8, 2002 3:30PM - Board Meeting 4:00PM - General Meeting SPICE CONFERENCE Richmond Virginia July 10, 2002 through July 14, 2002 Saturday, July 13, 2002 4:00PM - General Meeting Saturday, August 10, 2002 3:30PM - Board Meeting 4:00PM - General Meeting FAMILY PICNIC Saturday, September 14, 2002 3:30PM - Board Meeting 4:00PM - General Meeting Saturday, October 12, 2002 3:30PM - Board Meeting 4:00PM - General Meeting TAG SALE Saturday, November 9, 2002 3:30PM - Board Meeting 4:00PM - General Meeting CHAIRING MY THOUGHTS A COMMITMENT TO S.P.I.C.E.* *For those of you who are new to Tri-Ess and are not sure what S.P.I.C.E. is see the end of this piece. Lately, there has been a great deal bandied about the Tri-Ess forums (Tri-Ess CD, Triess42 and CDSO) about SPICE. Questions have arisen as to what is the status of SPICE 2002 in Richmond up to and including questions about whether it will happen. Let me say this here and now. Tri-Ess is committed to having SPICE. Those of you who know me well will understand this: I'd be willing to bet that SPICE 2002 will happen. Of at least equal significance for Tau Sigma Nu Epsilon is that Cheryl has given Joy the official word. Tri-Ess New England will be hosting SPICE in 2003. Yes folks, it's a done deal. It's our ball to run with and, to be honest, Joy has already been doing a lot of running. You'll be hearing from her soon and often about planning and executing this exciting opportunity for us to excel. Joy and I will be attending our third SPICE this summer. It is very little exaggeration to say that SPICE was one of the truly significant events that helped save our marriage after Joy learned that her husband wears women's clothes. She learned at the beginning of April. Within a month she said that we were going to SPICE. I didn't know that much about it but if it was something that would help us, I was all for it. That July, in Houston, we truly learned that we are part of a greater community and I learned a lot of things that took some time to settle in and fall into place. Once these things began percolating through, I realized what a valuable learning experience it is. When we went to Cleveland last year, we were in a much different place than the year before. We felt like veterans and were able to enjoy the experience from a different perspective. In addition, we had the opportunity to watch with pride as our daughter participated as part of the CD Kids panel. What I'm trying to get across is that if you haven't been to SPICE, go. If you have been, go again. Each one is a unique experience. I mean that as both your own experience of it as well as the program. No matter how good your relationship is, you can always do things to improve it. SPICE is one of those things. One of the classic misunderstandings about SPICE is that some CD's think that sending his wife to SPICE will "fix" her. That's not what it's about at all. At least in my experience, attending did more to help me help my wife than the other way around. It made me a better person and a better partner. I have mentioned that one of my concerns as Chair of Tri-Ess New England is to be sure that our members who are not in committed relationships are not forgotten. SPICE can be a beneficial experience for you, too. If nothing else, it can help achieve a better understanding of the issues that will be faced when you are in a committed relationship. Is this the last you'll hear me talking about SPICE? Absolutely not! Get used to it. In fact, as we get on towards SPICE 2003, you're going to hear even more than you've already heard. But, then, I am a true believer in the value and power of SPICE. *SPICE stands for Spouses and Partners International Conference for Education. 2002 marks SPICE X. It started as a group of wives getting together as support for each other. It has grown into an annual, multi-day event attracting cross-dressers, their wives and children from all over the United States as well as several foreign countries. It is totally (and I mean TOTALLY) en drab for the comfort of the ladies. Tri Ess N.E. Monthly Meeting Saturday, March 9, 2002 Salem, NH Contact Tri_ess_ne@yahoo.com for location. The doors should be unlocked and access to the church hall available at 3:00PM. There are rest rooms available in which to change. The Executive Board meeting will start promptly at 3:30PM. (Unless, of course, we get stuck in traffic somewhere between here and there.) The general membership meeting will begin around 4:00PM. There will be a vendor presentation from AVALON. The topic is skin care and makeup. Dinner this month will be pot luck. We need members to bring a hot casserole, rolls, salad, beverages, desserts, etc. The meeting will be over by 8:00PM. An Irish Blessing May there always be work for your hands to do May your purse always hold a coin or two May the sun always shine on your windowpane May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain May the hand of a friend always be near you May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you May the saddest day of the future be no worse that the happiest days of your past. Highlights of the Last Meeting The meeting was called to order at 4:00PM on Saturday, February 9, 2002. Everyone in the circle introduced himself or herself. Most 2002 board members were present. (Sara and Rhee, we missed you, sorry you couldn't make it. You too, Wendy!) Many guests were in attendance. Several subjects were discussed. S.P.I.C.E. planning continues and some hotel literature was passed around. Everyone was brought up to date on Sweetheart Connection scheduled for 2/10. Reminders were made regarding membership renewals. Gerri announced that he has been updating the TENE website. The TENE Logo Contest was extended for another month. The winner will receive five dollars worth of free chances in the April 50/50 raffle. All were reminded that the April meeting will also be a Tag Sale meeting. Gerri solicited a volunteer to hostess a TENE meeting in Maine on either May 18th or June 1st. Gerri shared recent conversation he had with Vicky and Michelle about DeDe. The new Sunshine Committee formation was announced. Attendees were reminded to forward newsletter contributions to Joy. Look forward to Happy Birthday greetings in the newsletter. Marcia asked for suggestions for a program for the June meeting. Gerri shared upcoming events with the membership. SOs [including Annie's parents] met separately while the CDs talked about what support means to each of them. Discussion groups were followed by a feast of deli sandwiches and salads. The group adjourned and several members went on to party at Friend's Landing. Being Different in a Straight and Gay Society Gerri Buchanan Growing up as a young male in the suburbs of Boston I knew that I was different than other guys my age. (Does this sound familiar?) But how different, I couldn't fully appreciate or understand until much later in life, for I am a CrossDresser. But what is a CrossDresser? For many years I was confused. I knew that I was very attracted to women's clothing. In my mind I grew up trying to imagine what I would like wearing different styles and fabrics. I was fascinated with make-up, hairstyles and accessories. So where was the confusion? The confusion was that society was telling me that if I was a guy and attracted to wearing women's clothing, then I must be gay or perverted. But, there was one small problem; I wasn't sexually attracted to other guys. I was definitely attracted to women! I loved women so much I found myself wanting to be like them! But everything society was telling me was that I must either be gay or I might possibly be Transsexual. Yikes! You mean that if I want to wear woman's clothing I need to change my sex? So instead of searching to find an answer to my needs I kept my thoughts to myself and hidden from the rest of the world. Over time I found ways to satisfy my needs. I tried on my mother's clothes. I tried on my wife's clothes. I ended up buying my own female clothing and kept it hidden from my parents, my siblings, my wife and even my kids. I became a master at keeping my secret hidden from everyone, except myself. Every chance I got I found myself wearing my cache of clothing behind closed doors, in hotel rooms, around the house when everyone had left for the day. Was I weird or what? I found myself acting like a drug addict hiding my habit from everyone around me. After 20 years of marriage I finally told my wife of my habit. It was a complete surprise to her. I had been so secretive that she didn't have a clue. That was three years ago. During that time she has seen one picture of me dressed up as a woman. We have seen a couple's therapist many times. But she refuses to let me dress as a woman in front of her or the kids. She does let me have my time outside the home, but CrossDressing in our home is not allowed! Other than my crossdressing our relationship is that of a typical middle class American couple. For many CrossDressers their spouse responds the same way. They've married a man; they expect to continue their relationship with that man. So the CrossDresser maintains a dual identity, CrossDressing whenever we can, hidden from the rest of the traditional straight world. But where do we go and what do we do when dressed? The safest places I go to are GLBT clubs and bars. But even in these places most people don't fully understand what CrossDressing is all about. Many people see a CrossDresser and make an assumption that they are gay or Transsexual or are just Drag Queens looking for a date. They couldn't be more wrong. We are just people looking for acceptance wherever that might come from. We are just trying to be "Normal" in our own way. What about CrossDressing in the Workplace? If you are gay, lesbian or even transsexual you should be able to dress in whatever way you feel comfortable in the workplace, or at least within company or organizational guidelines for male or female employees. But if you're a CrossDresser could you come into work in male wardrobe one day and female wardrobe the next? In most cases Company management doesn't know how to handle this situation. Educational programs and tools don't exist to help the American workforce accept male to female crossdressing as a part of everyday life. There is an interesting twist here. We have all become accustomed to accepting women in the workplace and women's rights to wear a wide variety of clothing to work. Dresses, slacks, jeans, skirts are all acceptable forms of business wear. Women can change their hairstyles, hair color and make-up and no one gives it a second thought. If you worked with a guy for many years and then one day he decided to show up wearing a dress, makeup and pumps, how would you respond? The Crossdressing community is just starting to create awareness of who and what we are. We are tired of being stereotyped and compared to the extreme fringe of people that the general public see on TV Shows like Gerry Springer or in court cases like that of Dr. Sharpe. We are reaching out and searching for the closet crossdressers out there to let them know that it's okay to be who they are. After all, we are just another interesting part of society. The challenge ahead of us is to get people to realize that it's okay for men to present themselves in feminine fashions. We are still loving husbands and fathers and can do the jobs we were hired to do, independent of the clothing we wear. Joy's Rack This corner of the newsletter will be a monthly bulletin board dealing with S.P.I.C.E. I'll be requesting suggestions, information, and volun-teers. I'll be sharing decisions, and generally keeping you up to date. IT'S OFFICIAL! Our chapter will be hostessing S.P.I.C.E. XI -- A Yankee Doodle Dandy of a SPICE. It looks like the festivities will take place in Windsor, CT at the DoubleTree Hotel. It's within two miles of the airport and right off the highway. Follow Interstate 91 to Route 20 (the Bradley International Airport exit)...exit to Route 75, turn right and the entrance to the hotel is on the left. The room rate will be $89 per night, plus tax and should include a continental breakfast. An upgrade to a hot buffet breakfast will be available at an additional charge to be determined. It's a nice place and the sales manager tells us it's a slow time for them and they'd be delighted to have us! (Hope they feel the same way a year from now.) That's all for now. There will be more next month. Thanks in advance for the assistance you will be providing throughout the upcoming year! Joy SPICE XI Chairperson TRUE AND FASCINATING FACTS FROM BIOLOGY If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months, and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat up one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you pass gas consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now, that's more like it!) A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig.) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing.) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper is always smiling? And why isn't the pig included in this list?) The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight, and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of.... ? Did the gov't pay for this research?) Polar bears are left-handed. (Who knew? Did the gov't pay for this too?) The flea can jump 350 times its body length. (That's like a human jumping the length of a football field.) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Hi, honey. I'm home. What the...?) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (In my next life I still want to be a pig. Quality over quantity, you know.) Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. (Pigs don't care) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like this too.) Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42muscles in your face to frown. BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your middle finger. LONG LIVE THE PIG! A S.P.I.C.E. For All Times Registration July 10 - 14, 2002 Richmond, Virginia Name: ______________________________________ Address: _____________________________________ City: __________________________ State: ______ ZIP: ___________ Phone: (____) ____________ E-Mail: ___________________________ Name Used for Hotel Registration (if different from above): ___________________________________________ Male Partner's Name: ___________________________ Attending? (Circle One) Yes No Support Group Affiliation (if any): ____________________________________ Please Indicate Total Number Attending (Fees are per person attending and include conference fee, Lunch and Dinner): ____ Wednesday Night Dinner July 10 1 meal $ 22 ____ Thursday through Saturday July 11 - 13 6 meals $ 188 ____ Thursday and Friday July 11 - 12 4 meals $ 125 ____ Friday and Saturday July 12 - 13 4 meals $ 125 ____ Any single day July 11, 12 or 13 2 meals $ 63 Indicate Date: 7/_______/2002 Would you like to include an ADDITIONAL Donation towards the SPICE SCHOLARSHIP FUND? If so, how much $___________ Mail Registration Form and Payment to: SPICE PMB 206 2914 North Ridge East Ashtabula, OH 44004 TRI ESS NEW ENGLAND EXECUTIVE BOARD Chairperson Marcia Gray [CD] marciag52@hotmail.com Vice Chair Gerri Buchanan [CD] gerri_buchanan@yahoo.com Executive Assistant Rhee [SO] rhee1952@aol.com Treasurer Valerie Wood [SO] elwood56@juno.com Newsletter Editor Joy G. [SO] joyg51@hotmail.com Activities Director Sara G. [CD Kid] abbi1229@hotmail.com Director (Past Chair) Kim Gauthier [CD] dang@worldpath.net It Can Be Pleasant Stephanie Walters (VT-4336-S) My desire in life is to be accepted for who I am by others, and to feel comfortable with myself as a Cross Dresser. It has been a long journey in obtaining a position even close to my goal. I'm finding that the first step is recognizing where I would like to go with Cross Dressing, and what is acceptable limits with my family, and society. In my early stages of going out en-femme, I would wear dresses everywhere, extensive facial makeup, I felt very self conscious, and constantly watched to see who was reading me. I was not at ease with myself, what I was doing, or public reaction. Little did I know that the results I was seeing were due to my lack of self-confidence in my appearance and my behavior. As time progressed, I realized that in order to fit in while en-femme I should act, dress, and behave like the crowd. Adolescence's do this all the time. This is how they find their place in society. As a youth, I didn't experience the dress codes, peer pressures, and growing pains that generic girls experience. I wasn't prepared over many years to be, and to walk freely amongst society as a woman. Then, why expect total acceptance as a male dressed in female clothes? Wouldn't it be easier to find one's own comfort zone? Recently, I traveled throughout Scotland for fifteen days with a tour group while dressed en-femme. It was a great and enjoyable experience, even though for the better part of the year prior to the trip, I experienced much doubt about doing so. It wasn't till the final week of preparation for the trip that I finally decided that I was up to it, and was going to go en-femme. Prior to the trip I looked at travel magazines, and thought about prior trips I had made as a generic male. Thinking about just what the females on the trips wore while on tour, casual, comfortable clothes were the order of the day with very little makeup and a hair do that was easy to maintain. There is little time or reason in the mornings, to get all fancied up, just to sit in a bus all day, or walk for hours through out castles, and gift shops. Loose slacks, blouses, sweaters, and jackets would fit the bill. For the better part of six months prior to the trip I browsed through mail order clothing catalogs for outfits that fit the occasion, and my age group. Picking matching outfits as shown in the catalogs to insure that everything matched. Carefully noticing which style and color of earrings, and shoes were worn with the outfits. Why wear two inch heals when everyone else would be wearing sneakers, and casual loafers. For many months prior to the trip I had been attempting to get the hair stylist who cuts my hair, to style my hair in a feminine manner, without telling her why. I finally had to be blunt, and state that I wanted a feminine style hair cut, and showed her a tentative style from a book in her waiting room. It was a short neat style that covered a portion of the ears, and would take little effort to maintain on a trip. She explained to me that my hair had the final say as to what style would work. I let her do her thing, and the result was just what I had hoped for. No wig, although, I took a wig along just in case. Selecting the outfits and hair style to be worn on the trip was the easy part. The difficult portion of the preparation was in convincing myself that it would be acceptable for me to travel en-femme, and my trip wouldn't be a catastrophe as a result of my doing so. I looked through back issues of transgender magazines, and browsed the Internet for possible contacts in Scotland that I might discuss the safety of traveling en-femme. I came up with a contact in England who belonged to the Beaumont Society, and I wrote to her asking for additional contacts and advice. This effort had to be repeated twice before I received a response. The response was positive, with reassurance that I would enjoy my stay, and contained the telephone numbers of a number of Beaumont Groups throughout Scotland who would be available for further information, and getting together. She even offered to set up some contacts/venues for me to meet up with while on my trip. The reassurance was just what the doctor ordered. Along with my passport I brought along a Tri-Ess identity card which has my feminine and masculine pictures attached, and a letter from my therapist which explained about my gender issue. Neither was ever necessary throughout the trip, but were brought as precautionary items. Upon my arrival at Glasgow airport I was greeted by my tour director as my male self. After arriving at the hotel, I immediately contacted her again via phone, and asked if it would be acceptable for me to take the tour en-femme. She was very pleasant about the subject, stated that others had done so before without incidence, and suggested to me that my attire should be appropriate for the occasion. No need to explain what she meant, I understood. We agreed to meet just outside the hotel lounge prior to her introducing me to the group taking the tour. The transition from masculine to en-femme was a breeze. Getting the courage to take the elevator to the first floor, walking through the lobby, and meeting the tour group was definitely playing tricks with my self-confidence. Lucky for me, no one was on the elevator, and the number of people in the lobby was sparse. I walked calmly past a couple looking at the hotel directory, without incidence, and saw the tour director standing in front of the lounge entrance waiting for me. She met me with a warm welcome, and smile. Complementing me on my outfit, and presentation. She assured me that I would have no problem with the group, and that I would fit in. We then proceeded into the lounge, and she introduced me to the group. They all welcomed me, and someone asked what name did I wish to be called by. I was so nervous, and stated; "My name badge has my masculine name on it, or you could call me Stephanie." They choose my masculine name, which was comfortable to me, and created some cute moments later in the trip. I was accepted immediately by most, and helped to feel comfortable. Many of the single ladies in the group would ask me to join them throughout the trip. A number of the couples also were very cordial to me throughout the trip as well. I made it a point to mix with all, at different times. This worked out well, for all. On the very first day of the tour we visited a malt factory, and I passed up on the tour of the factory. I hadn't as yet gained full confidence in what I was doing, or the response of the folks on the tour, or the Scottish public. As the group was taking the tour of the factory, I walked about the gardens surrounding the building, and found a nice stone bench to sit on and enjoy the beautiful surroundings. Little did I know that this was the area where the distillery tour guides took their break. As I was sitting there, a young lass came out with her lunch, and sat across from me, and we started to chit chat. Within a few minutes we were joined by two young men. It became a "Welcome to Scotland", and "Where are you from?" They were the most friendly people I had met on any of my trips, and never asked a question about my attire, or gender. The lass asked me if I had been on the tour of the factory, and when I responded with "No", she asked if I would care for a dram of Malt. Within seconds, I was having my own private tasting party. What a way to break the ice. We were having such a great time talking, that the tour bus guide had to come looking for me. After that experience, I gained in confidence that what I was doing was acceptable. I began to feel at complete ease walking throughout each town, store, church or castle we toured. With each day, and experience Stephanie became who I was. A feeling I had never felt before. Previously the transitions to Stephanie had been so short lived, that I never got to feel truly complete. A cute experience occurred one day while browsing in a tourist gift shop. One of the ladies who I was shopping with called out to me by my masculine name to come look at an item. When I responded, a little boy standing next to his mother, looked up at me, then turned to his mother and said, "Mother, that's not a lady." The mother and I looked at each other and smiled. In general, whether in the small towns, shops, restaurants, big cities, and stores the Scottish people never made an issue of my attire, or stared at me. There were many days during the tour that I shopped in major brand name stores, and ate in restaurants in the major cities, and felt completely at ease. Some of those times I was accompanied by others on the tour as well. I walked many miles of city streets, and never once felt the stare of the Scottish youth. It may have been, that I was extremely comfortable with myself as Stephanie, or the Scottish society is very accepting of gender differences. At many of these locations there would be other tour groups in attendance. In general, the Europeans made no notice of me. Only groups of Americans would make a point to stare at me, and let others know of my presence. It never appeared that this effected, how the tour group I was with acted towards me. The big question is always, "Which restroom did I use while on the tour?" Surprisingly, I used the Men's restroom where ever necessary. Most are "pay to use", with private stalls. Walk in, walk out. No makeup, or long hair to fuss with. What little makeup is worn can be touched up on the bus. There were a number of occasions where the tour group went out to semi formal dinners, or events. At such events I would wear a conservative pants suit, with minimum makeup and jewelry, in an attempt not to stand out, or compete with the generic females who wanted to show off their stuff. It proved to be a wise decision. On the final day of the trip, when everyone was saying their good-byes in the main lobby of the hotel, I was questioned about my gender identity by one of the ladies in the group. It was the first time they had seen me in masculine clothing. Her question was: "Why would I want to dress up as a female?" My answer was a simple response, which drew positive responses from other females in the group. It was reassuring to know that not all females feel it is wrong for a man to have the desire to dress as a female when it is for positive, and healthy reasons. My trip to Scotland while dressed en-femme turned out to be everything I had hoped it would be, and more. Dressing appropriate for the occasion was a major contributor to the success of my trip. I met many nice people, and found a new meaning to what it meant to be Cross Dresser. It can be pleasant. Crossdressers, Who Are We? Kate Devlin This essay is about the male to female crossdresser, i.e. a genetic male who has a need to dress like a woman. I myself am a crossdresser. I've been doing this for a while and know a fairly large number of other crossdressers, so I feel I can offer some perspective. It is somewhat difficult to generalize, however, I offer my own insights. I'll discuss what type of individuals crossdressers are; some of the reasons why "experts" believe men crossdress; and how we got to where we are today and some of the challenges we face. This will be presented in three chapters over the next three months. I hope you enjoy it and find it interesting. This is primarily a subjective work from my own impressions and my own opinions, so you may disagree with my conclusions. If you do please let me know. What Kind of People Are We? Crossdressers come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and ages. There is no single 'crossdresser personality'. We are as different from one another as those in the non-crossdressing population. There are crossdressers of every religious denomination, ethnic group, and political affiliation. I know crossdressers who are conservative Republicans, Marxists, and anarchists. I know crossdressers who are Catholic, conservative Christian, atheist, agnostic, Buddhist, and Pagan. Some early literature that I've read has said that crossdressers "generally have high verbal ability, are good at math, and have a higher than average income level". More recent literature [written in the 90s] suggests that this is not completely true. From a strictly anecdotal perspective, I have found that transgendered people - crossdressers [heterosexual persons who like to dress up as a member of the opposite sex], transvestites [those who would live as of members of the opposite sex], and transsexuals [those who seek to become a member of the opposite sex through reassignment surgery], have an above average intelligence level and many are intellectually gifted people. As far as I know, there have been no surveys done on this, but, if there were, I feel it would bear me out. Crossdressers are involved in every occupation imaginable. Having said this however, personal observation and anecdotal evidence seems to indicate that a very large number of crossdressers work in the computer industry. A friend of mine once suggested that while there are a 'larger than normal' number of crossdressers in the computer industry, there are also a 'larger than normal' number of left handed soccer players in that sport. Some have suggested that crossdressers in the computer industry are just more open and visible than in other fields. One psychologist I've spoken with feels that it may be because the computer industry combines what are regarded as traditional male and female roles. There also seems to be a fairly large number of crossdressers in traditionally female caring professions such as social work, nursing, and teaching, but for various reasons these people are not as visible. The urge or need to cross dress affects persons of every age group. I know of crossdressers who are high school students in their teens, young men in their 20s, mid-lifers in their 50s, as well as gentlemen well into their 70s and 80s. A heterosexual crossdresser from Leeds, England once told me that in the early 90s, it was not only acceptable, but in certain circles hip or trendy, for a high school boy in England to dress and that "she" spent a large part of her high school years as a girl. In "her" opinion this was in great part due to the general acceptance of the British crossdresser comedian Eddie Izzard and the singer Boy George. I don't know how true this is - my high school experience I can tell you, was much different. In the US, the average age for male to female crossdressers to "come out of the closet" and join a group or start dressing publicly is late 30s or 40's. No one knows why this is so. It may be that male hormone levels decrease somewhat around this age, producing a somewhat stronger need to express one's feminine side. There are very few open crossdressers in their 20s. This may be because people in this age range are engaged in "gender identity formation", trying to be successful at society's definition of being a male or a female. They generally live in college dorms or have room mates around whom it is difficult to crossdress. They are working on developing a career and trying to attract a partner of the opposite sex. Many also suffer from lack of information believing they are the only person in the world with these feelings/drives. And so the desire to crossdress is hidden/sublimated. The Internet has been invaluable in crossdressers realizing that there are many people who have this need and that they are not alone. The Internet has been largely responsible for the explosion of crossdressing groups and activities. As a result, crossdressers are far much more visible than ten or even five years ago. While there isn't a single crossdressers personality, we do seem to have at least one trait in common. Much of the literature as well as my own observations suggest that many crossdressers do have a bent towards narcissism (I've seen this in myself). This is especially true in the early stages of "coming out". When we first learn to accept our "femme side" our female personality is often underdeveloped and immature. We find ourselves living in a gender role (if only for short periods at one time) in which we have not grown up and sometimes don't even understand. I've found that crossdressers are often much more ready to accept compliments than genetic women are. Most crossdressers that I know love to be told they're pretty. We love compliments! [One of the best things a genetic female can do for her crossdressing partner is to offer reassurance as to how pretty and feminine "she" is.]
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