I moved out from my marriage briefly in July 1996 and then moved back when I realized I was not prepared for my feelings or prepared financially. While things got somewhat better during the period when I lived in St. Louis, my return to Waterloo told me that nothing had changed. My wife lost control over the boys when they moved out and she decided the only person to control was me. Moreover, there has been physical abuse over the years after the boys moved out.
On January 3, 1999, I told her she would be hearing from a lawyer whom I had consulted. The letter actually arrived January 19, 1999 and life turned to hell after that. There is no way that anything good can come of all this - it is just too hard. My stomach has been in knots and I have cried very easily during the month following. I know that down the road things will get better but for now I am just surviving.
I find the only way to calm down is to be alone and by myself right now OR with an affirming individual. I have deliberately cultivated prayer partners and friends who have seen me through this hell and of course God is in control still and I wait on Him to make it all better. Perhaps it was too much to expect to grieve the death of my mother and go through the rest of this at the same time.