There are many ways to look at Men's Issues. I have particular ways of looking at them because of where I have been in my life. When I was gorwing up and when I was a young man, all I thought about men's issues was the fact that one grows up, gets married, has children, career, and retires to die. Such a short-sighted view of life. I have learned, sometimes the hard way how much I was isolated from reality and how much I have learned since I have started to come out to myself in more ways than one - but most important in opening up to the fact I am a feeling human who likes people.

While I knew I was co-dependent for many years, I did not understand. I have belonged to a couple of Men's Groups through the church and found them extremely educational but after both my parents died, I found myself examining much deeper the issues I face as a man. I first purchased some books and learned what it was like to be a man in middle-aged crisis (which I was) and also how important a father's realtionship to his son really is. I am exploring this further and feel extremely strongly on the need for men to both learn and discuss what they go through.

The fact is that all men wonder at some point what makes them a man. Some men come to grips with it when quite young and it is helped along by a father who introduces the son to adulthood (like in the ancient tribal initiations where the 13 year old was taken from the mother's hut out into the woods and when he came back he was considered man enough to join the men's events). We do not do much of that sort of thing in our society today and that leads to men not thinking of themselves as men. Personally, while I had a career and a family, I did not come to grips with being a man until I was in my 40s - perhaps that is related to mid-life crisis.

For me, the finding myself as a man meant finding male friends again. It meant breaking some of my ties to my spouse since I had become too much of a houseperson, looking after many things which I consider to be a woman's work while also being the sole breadwinner. I had become like a prisoner in my own house and marriage. Interestingly, I discovered my sexual orientation at the same time as I was discovering self. When I looked back at prior experiences, I should have realized quite early on much more about myself BUT my thoughts had never carried over into realization of reality.

I need to discuss the relationships between men and women. The whole feminist thing scared me, partly because of the treatment I was experiencing at the hands of women who would not espouse the feminist credo but who acted towards me as if I were dirt. That affects one's mind and self-esteem. When I was in couple counselling, I had to write about my fears. I went back and realized my sister, closest to me in age was the star in our family (partly because she got asthma whenever things did not go her way so received a lot of attention while I did not. Moreover she was my father's favorite. Finally, I was the male and the oldest so I was balmed even when she started our fights. That influenced my feelins about female gender but it really sunk home when I married a woman who appeared to be well-rounded but who turned into an emotional and physical abuser.

This section is just beginning. I beg you to stop back and check it out later.