WARNING! These jokes are intended for a more mature audience as some of these jokes are sexual in content or otherwise inappropriate for the younger audience. So, if you are under 18 or are easily offended, please use the back button on your browser now.
Q: Why do lesbians like whates so much?
A: Because they have 50 foot tongues and breath out of the top of their heads!
Q: What do my girlfriend and Jack Daniels have in common?
A: They are both hard liqours.
Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch?
A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.
Q: Is there anything a penis can do that a finger or tongue can't do?
A: Well urinate comes to mind. - Lea DeLaria
Q: What can two femmes do in bed?
A: Each other's makeup.
Q: Have you heard about the new lesbian style of running shoe: the dykee?
A: It has an extra long tongue and only takes one finger to get it off.
Q: What do you call 2 butches bonding?
A: Hockey Night in Canada
Q: What do you call a lesbian with 10 girlfriends?
A: A bush-hog!
Q: How many femmes does it take to change a tire?
A: 2 - one to call AAA and one to whine about the grease on her skirt
Q: What do you call an Irish lesbian?
A: Gaylick
Q: What did Ellen DeGeneres say to Kathie Lee Gifford?
A: May I be Frank with you tonight?
Q: What do you call a lesbian who lives up north?
A: A Klondyke.
Q: What's the most important question on the minds of Alaskan lesbians?
A: What would ya do oh oh for a Klondyke bar?
(Sung to the theme of the Klondyke ice cream bar commercials.)
Q: What do you call a lesbian's closet?
A: A lick-her cabinet.
Q: What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails?
A: Single!
Q: What does an 80 year old lesbian taste like?
A: Depends
Q: Did you hear that k.d. lang died?
A: She was found face down in Ricki Lake
(With a smile on her face no doubt!)
Q: Why can't lesbians go on a diet and wear lipstick at the same time?
A: You can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on your face!
Q: What do you call a truck load of vibrators?
A: Toys for Twats
Q: What do you call a 300 pound lesbian?
A: A bush hog
Q: What do you call a 100 pound lesbian?
A: A weedeater
Q: What did one lesbian say to another?
A: "Your face or mine?"
Q: What kind of humor do lesbians like?
A: Tongue in cheek.
Q: What is the definition of confusion?
A: 3 blind lesbians in a fish market.
Q: Why do lesbians like to have gay male friends?
A: Someone has to do the cooking!
Q: Why do gay men like to have lesbian friends?
A: Someone has to mow the yard.
Q: How can you tell if you a butch dyke co-worker?
A: You find the toilet seat up when she leaves the stall.
Q: What do you call lesbian dinosaurs?
A: The lickalotopuss and the clitolickumus.
Q: How do you know if you have lesbians living next door?
A: Frequent U Hauls in front of the house.
Q: What do you call a lesbian with 1,000 semiautomatic rifles?
A: Militia etheridge
Q: What does it mean when 2 lesbians have sex?
A: It don't mean dick!
Q: What's the difference between a bowling ball and a lesbian?
A: You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Q: What's the lesbian mating call?
A: "I'm *so* drunk!"
Q: What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?
A: well hung
Q: If man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, what do lesbians need?
A: A liquor license.
(And 1,203 marches on Washington, 476 lawyers, 3.5 million dollars, and an act of Congress!)
Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other?
A: You don't taste like chicken!
Q: What drives a lesbian up the wall?
A: A crack in the ceiling.
Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 2 if they're small enough (think about that one for a minute!)
Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Light? Who needs light? We prefer to do it in the dark!
Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 5 - 1 to screw it in and 4 to bitch about the man who invented it
Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Both of them.
Q: What you do call a room full of 50 politicians and 50 lesbians?
A: 100 people who don't do dick!
Q: What do you call a woman who can't get her tongue back in her mouth?
(Visualize a woman trying to talk with her tongue rigidly sticking out of her mouth.)
A: A lesbian with a hard on.