This first column seemed to be a good time to discuss groundrules to the group. Please keep in mind that none of theses rules of etiquette are written in stone. They are geing listed here merely for you to think about, in the hopes that it will keep us all out of some embarassing and awkward situations. Also, this is hardly a complete list. The ability of the human animal to find new ways to make a jackass out of itself is indeed infinite.

First of all, at the play parties, you should treat couples (or multiples) with the same respect that you would if they were making out at a vanilla party. You Do Not interrupt a scene that is well into the sweat and moaning stage with a bunch of distracting questions about what they're doing! This would be fine if it were a deliberate demo (that's what they're for) but not when people are intensely into one another during sadomasochistic foreplay. Do remember, you have all night, and you can save your questions until the players are enjoying the afterglow with a drink in their hands.

In a related issue, Don't assume that because it's a club party that you can pick up a paddle off the rack and start in on someone else who's in bondage (or even people who aren't). Do ask their Top, early in the scene, if it's okay to join in. The best way to think about this is an anology to seeing someone's shine new Porche sitting by the curb. You can look, but don't touch (and sure as hell don't take it for a test drive) without permission from the owner(s).

There has also been, in the past, a terrible trend toward making rude comments during scenes. Sorry to tell you this, but to many people, harsh words can hurt worse than a cane. At the very least, they will break the magic spell the Top has been working very to weave for the Bottom. Save the heckling for the poor slobs on stage at the Comedy Works. At least they get paid for it, and are better mentally prepared to fight back. Bottoms could be destroyed emotionally by it.

Remember, also, that while we may supply the larger toys such as the bondage crosses and tables you see at our parties, any other toys you wish to play with such as cuffs, whips, ropes, etc., YOU MUST BRING YOURSELF. If you see toys laying on a table or anyone else, remember that they belong to someone else and ASK BEFORE YOU TOUCH THEM. And definitely ask before you presume that it's okay to use them. Some people are very protective of their toys, as they should be, and may not appreciate your handling them without their permission.

Here's another rule that should always be uppermost in your minds: Drinking. It really impairs your judgement. After all, who was the last drunk you were sexually attracted to, provided you were'nt smashed yourself? Right.

Keep in mind that the Dungeon Master/Mistress has the authority to put an end to the fun if they think For Any Reason that a scene is not being conducted in a safe, sane or consensual manner. Period!

Okay, here's a rule for the Bottoms out there who want to approach a Top and not come off like a total geek-boy. Remember, the top is not a support system for a whip. I've seen it time and time again at these support groups. A bottom will come up to a top, ask their name, give them a compliment (usually about their tits, package or outfit) and, almost in the same breath, ask to be whipped. Name, compliment and do me! Name, compliment, and do me! Bam, bam, bam! Gosh...how can they resist?

The first isn't so bad. It's always polite to ask the name of the person you want to have beat your hide. Compliments aren't bad either, provided they're sincere. Still, you might want to hold off on #3, asking for a scene, until you've had a chance to find a few things out about them. For instance, what exactly are they into? If you're into bondage, you might not enjoy hooking up with someone into cross-dressing their slaves and fucking them with a strap on. (Then again, if you're flexible, more points to you.) You might ask them if they're involved in an exclusive relationship, or how long they've been in the scene, how did they like the movie 'Seven', or do they have a collection of human heads in their refrigerator.

If their response is "Are you a cop?" Perhaps you'd better go check out the cute number by the door instead.

Another tactic you can use is to observe your target at close range, see who their friends are, and ask them what that particular Top is like. Bottoms Love to talk amongst themselves about who's good at what, and who should be avoided like the plague. We're ruthless about it, in fact. The reason why is simple: No one should have to make the mistake of getting involved with an asshole with a whip. Just because someone has a good credit line and can buy a snazzy leather outfit and a flogger from 'The Crypt' does not mean they know what the hell they are doing. I like to think of us as the 'Save a Kidney Foundation.'

Ultimately, all of these rules are a way of showing respect. Respect of your potential partner, the place you're meeting, and the law. If you can't muster up enough to be attractive to others by being polite, you aren't mature enough to play with the big kids. Perhaps you'd be better off at a regular meet market for a couple of more years.