A Glimpse of Me (Short Fiction)

I have struggled, and I am tired. In the midst of the marathon of transition, I find myself in a state park, on the cliffs overlooking the Missouri river. I hear her approaching, and don't bother to turn. I am seated on a sturdy wooden bench set into the ground. She joins me there.

'Hello' I say, and now, for the first time look into her eyes. They are soft and beautiful, and very familiar.

'Hello', she returns. 'You're doing very well, young Lynn', she comments, and runs the fingers of her aging and delicate hand through my ever-growing hair. She smiles, as though I am her favorite child.

'I don't feel like I'm doing well. I feel like the house of cards I'm building is about to topple. I'm scared, and I'm so tired I can't think straight', I tell her candidly. There's no sense lying to her. She knows me all too well.

'I know, and I'm sorry. I can only tell you that it gets better. MUCH better, and all you face now will soon fade. It will all be just a memory, a growing pain. What awaits you is that magical mythical happiness that's eluded you for so long. You're almost there, Lynn. Reach inside yourself. The strength and courage are there. I know they are.' Her smile warms my heart. The words she speaks would be doubted by anyone else, but somehow, from her, I don't question them.

I know this woman. She is me, an older, wiser, softer me. Her eyes are my eyes, and I find her to be a most charming and graceful creature. She is a gift from God, a chance for a glimpse at the future. The pain that shows in my eyes has faded in hers, leaving a warm knowing wisdom, peace and love.

'What does the future hold for me?' I ask, but I already know her answer.

'Lynn, you know I can't tell you. That would ruin the fun. I can say that there will be love, and pain, and beauty. People you thought lost will return, and things you thought important will fall away as trivial. You
know... life. Life is what happens' She laughs lightly, and I can't help but smile through the edge of tears.

As she rises to leave, I marvel at her. She is quite graceful and full of life. The gray in her hair seems to show knowledge, not the burden of age. The crows' feet in the corner of her eyes seem to be from a million sincere smiles. I see no trace of the bitter anger that threatened to consume me. Joy, love, and true happiness radiate from her. There is a simultaneous desire to be like her and knowledge that some day I will. Through my travel, I will attain peace. Not only will I make it through this, but on the other side, I will find lasting happiness.

I want to shout DON'T LEAVE ME. I want to hold on to her and not let go, but she fades as she walks away, a vision from the future. Knowing what can (or will) be lends me strength, and sitting there in the warm woodland, I know I can make it. She is proof that from the future perspective, I already have. Only the doing remains.