Am I that ridiculous? Am I that much a fool that you want to laugh? Look at
the femmy boy trying to act like a woman. Remember playing in your mother's
closet as a girl? Remember playing with her makeup? Like kittens pouncing on
beams of light, you were more than playing, you were learning your role in
life. You had the luxury of playing as a child, developing naturally. I have
had to hide my urges to be what I am. I couldn't play with makeup. When I
tried, I got beaten. Do you think THAT's funny? Do you think facing the
world and being ridiculed is funny? Do you think losing your friends,
family, home, job, wife, and life all for the chance of finally being who
you are inside... Do you think that's funny?

I don't.

Don't laugh at me. You don't know me. You don't know my pain. You never had
to face hiding who you were just for the love of those around you. You never
had to face the rejection from people you thought would stick with you
through anything. You were never on the outside looking in. As a young girl,
you weren't subject to getting beaten up for being a sissy. You weren't made
fun of if you wrote poetry. You were never forced into playing football, and
literally getting run over.

You haven't had to watch your life torn apart. You haven't had to jump
through hoops for the mental healthcare community. You haven't had to go
through a second puberty at 30. You don't sit through five hours of
electrolysis a week... feeling the bee stings on your face, over and over.
You don't get dirty looks when you go to buy a bra, even though I need one
every bit as much as you. You aren't told by coworkers that you're an
abomination in the eyes of the lord. You don't watch your peers go through
suicidal depression, and drug dependencies. You don't have a bullet waiting
for the day when it all gets too shitty. You don't see the news articles,
the sick and horrifically violent crimes visited on others because they're
like you. You have about half the world to pick from for a date, you don't
have to hide your past to get a boyfriend. You can be a mommy some day.

Did you ever have braces as a kid, or have to wear glasses? Did you start
your period for the first time while wearing white pants? Did you ever piss
yourself in public? Ever get shit on by a bird? Ever trip in heels and a
long dress? How did the embarrassment feel? Was it fun when the cruel little
snickering classmates pointed and whispered? Do you think it hurts less as
an adult to be laughed at?

Not so funny anymore, huh?

27-Mar-01