Words

I have a friend in the trans community that's a female to male transsexual. He was the second trans person I'd met and gotten to know in person. Some time after his chest surgery, he showed me the results. I made a comment that the scars were rather ugly and I was sorry he had to endure such pain. I didn't know it at the time, but he'd felt terrible at my use of the word 'ugly'. He'd been very self-conscious about the results of the surgery, and my words had cut him deeply. I had no intention of hurting him, and wasn't even aware I HAD until some time much later. I spent months asking him and his partner for forgiveness, and trying not to punish myself for my stupid thoughtless actions. I have done what I can to rebuild the bridge of communication I damaged, but sadly, I think I have permanently stunted the growth of a relationship that could have been much deeper and richer.

I have a transsexual friend who says she doesn't understand crossdressers, seeing them as 'ugly old men in dresses'. I find that odd. How far back had it been for her herself when the mirror showed someone she knew didn't reflect her inner self. I found her words offensive, and I've tried my best to help her understand, but she sees only her perspective, and doesn't care to see any others.

Our words can cause wounds, whether we intend them to or not, but our words can also heal, and strengthen, and unify. We can let our words fly without care, when we're angry, lashing out at those who care about us. Or we can calculate our words, playing wordsmith, poet, or speechwriter. Our words can change the world.

I have been injured by the words of others, but there comes a time when we must accept as adults that part of our burden is the responsibility to accept unintentional injury, and let go of it. As much as I understand my own words can be taken wrong, I must realize I can take injury from the words of others, and must accept that the pain inflicted is not intentional. And yes… sometimes that's tough, but I hope we are up to the challenge. Just a thought.

Lynn