Later that day when she picked me up from school, she talked to me about it again. The whole day in school I had felt like someone had ripped my heart and all my inards out of me. A severe emptiness and hollowness sat inside of me. This time when she talked, she told me that she had talked to my father about it. They decided I should get counseling. Over the course of the day, though, I had realized that my mom would have trouble excepting at all and therefore I told her that it's just a phase and I'll get through it. I got her to agree and nothing about this topic has been talked about between us since then. Now, when I think back, I see that it was a major tragedy, especially since my parents had offered to me the very thing which I needed and wanted so badly. I still do. Now, however, the situation is different. I don't think that with less than 7 months until my independence from them that I will get up the nerve to try again. I don't even know how I had the courage to tell them the first time. Now I figure that once I go to college away from them, I can start counseling first, and then under the supervision of my counselor I might also find it easier to break it to them.
Actually, I never understood why they didn't like it. I'm sure that once they'd get used to it they enjoy having a daughter immensely. You see, they had three boys and no daughters (in anatomical terms). They had me just so they would have a chance at getting a daughter. Unfortunately, they only got a mental daughter of a child and not a physical one (which is what matters in today's society). Perhaps one day, we'll look back on this and maybe my parents can even read this journal and understand what I'm going through and that I am destined to be female, regardless of society's restrictions.
Well, I hope you've enjoyed the first entry. This was the meat of the subject of my page, so I thought I'd want to get rid of it first (hidden meaning in that sentence). Later I'll talk about some of my first experiences with my transsexuality and also about my current experiences.
