If it isn't bad enough to be gay then try to be gay and be a jehovah's witness. Although the general tolerance of homosexuals has gone up in recent years, the attitude of many in todays congregations has stayed the same as before. Unlike other sins which can be forgiven and forgotten, homosexuality seems to be something to look out for and the admitted homosexual is never seen the same way as the heterosexual again. No wonder some of us in the "truth" tend to hide our real sexual desires and usually explain them as a lack of interest in sex or no desire to marry. We almost have to lie about our real feelings.

After spending years in the truth you would think that a person would be able to recieve some understanding from others. However it seems that once the feelings of the homosexual witness are shared with others everyone is looking for someone to blame for causing these feelings to develop. The whole focus of the elders and others is to convert the homosexual to being straight and to keep "vulnerable ones" away because the word always gets around about who is the gay one.

After a period of time denying the homosexual urges the sex drive wins out and sex acts become routine. Although unlikely, the homosexual may meet a suitable person for a monogamous relationship. The one thing which always seems to happen is that the homosexual encounters are suspected and the elders in the congregation take action in interrogating and disciplining the suspected homosexual. But then that one may deny the accusations or may admit them and let himself or herself be expelled from the organization. Usually when a practicing homosexual is removed by disfellowshipping, that one is not returning to the congregation anytime soon.

Once out of the truth the homosexual can be free of the restrictions and self-hatred taught by the WTBT society. Since there is no longer a need to be righteous, most become wery worldly and sometimes very sexually active. I personally know of one former witness who is now smoking, drinking and sleeping around. Of course even though he is younger than me he looks older with gray hair and wrinkles that I have not developed yet. Rarely you find the one who was removed from the organization who continues to fear god and lives a practical, moral life filled with a respect of his or her conscience. Once you meet this person you see that it is possible to enjoy life without the witnesses. However, I personally prefer to remain in the truth and look to god for assistance. If I ever meet someone whom I love erotically then I will have to decide what comes next. For now I will trust Jehovah because the world and I do not get along, I hate the attitude of most today.I could not be an unbeliever.

Since I am still a "brother" I cannot relate the experiences felt by the gay former Jehovah's witness. By entering the words "GAY JEHOVAH" on your search engine on your web browser you can find many sites. There are persons there who understand your situation and will help you to cope with your new life. If you are still in the "truth" and want to leave, first give prayer and study a chance. Do not bail out without letting Jehovah move your heart.If your heart takes you elsewhere then go- but remember that you can always return if you live long enough. I hope that you will be happy no matter what you do.