Chapter 33
Danielle saw the change in Siobhan but she never said a word, she was hoping Siobhan would tell her what the matter was, but she never did.
”Siobhan, you don’t look good. You should go to the doctor.” Danielle told her for the umpteenth time in the past few weeks. Every time Siobhan heard Danielle mention the doctor she jumped.
”No. I’m fine I don’t need to see a doctor.” She lied and changed the subject.
”That’s it! I’ve had it with you! You are deteriorating in front of my eyes and I’m not about to let you stay in this condition anymore. Think of Shane, what would he think if he saw you like this?” Once again Siobhan jumped, this time because Shane was mentioned. She couldn’t tell Danielle. She just couldn’t. She wished it wasn’t like this, she wished she wasn’t pregnant.
Siobhan slumped down on the sofa and looked miserable. “I’m sorry, Siobhan. I’m just worried about you.” Danielle said and sat down beside her friend. “Besides, I promised Shane I’d take care of you and if I can’t he’ll be very disappointed with me.” Danielle said with a deep voice, which made her laugh. It usually made Siobhan laugh too but she wasn’t in the mood. Danielle didn’t say another word and waited for Siobhan to talk. They were both quiet for a long time then Siobhan spoke.
”I’ve been to the doctor, kiddo.” She started. Danielle was puzzled.
”You have? Why didn’t you tell me? What did he say?” She asked worriedly.
”There’s nothing wrong with me, Danielle. I’m fine. It’s just that I’m pregnant.” She whispered.
”Oh my God! That’s great news!” Danielle cried in delight then saw the grave look on Siobhan’s face. “Why aren’t you happy?” She asked. Tears filled Siobhan’s eyes.
”I don’t want to be…” She said.
”But why not? Shane would be thrilled!” Siobhan looked at her friend. “He doesn’t know, does he?” Danielle said not understanding what was going on.
”No. And you must never tell him.” Siobhan said seriously.
”I won’t have to tell him. The next time he sees you, he’ll know.” Danielle said getting upset.
”No he won’t. I’m not keeping it.” Siobhan said.
”What?!” Danielle shouted. “You can’t do that! There’s a life forming inside you! You can’t get rid of it!” Danielle was feeling frustrated.
”I have to, Danielle! You’ll never understand!” If I carry this baby to term everyone will know it’s Connor’s child, I’m not going to risk my relationship with Shane and have this baby, she thought.
”No. I won’t understand, unless you tell me!”
”I can’t! I can’t!” Siobhan said crying.
”Siohan you are my very good friend and I’m here for you. Please let me help you, please.” They hugged and kissed and Siobhan dried her tears.
I can’t tell her this baby might be Connor’s and she’ll never understand why I want to get an abortion. What do I tell her? Siobhan wondered. Silence. It took Siobhan a lot of courage to tell Danielle the truth.
”It’s Connor’s.” She said. Danielle looked at her shocked. Her expression then turned to one of anger.
”I knew it! I can’t believe you can do that to Shane!” Danielle said with the utmost contempt towards her. Siobhan didn’t react, instead she kept on talking.
”He raped me, Danielle. On the day of Paddy’s funeral.” Danielle didn’t know what to say she was so overwhelmed with all this information that she didn’t say anything for a few minutes.
”Oh, Siobhan. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me? Why couldn’t you tell Shane?”
”No! Shane can’t know! Don’t tell him, please!” Siobhan begged her friend. Danielle didn’t understand.
”Why not? Shane deserves to know and Connor deserves to be in jail!” Danielle was trying to get some sense into Siobhan.
”No! Connor said he’d kill me if I ever told anyone and if I’d tell Shane he’d send the police after him and then he’d kill me! You can’t tell him!” Siobhan was becoming hysterical. Danielle hugged her tightly.
”Ok, ok. I won’t tell him. I won’t. I promise.”
”Thanks.” Siobhan smiled and drew away. Danielle sat there quietly thinking to herself.
”Are you a hundred percent sure that it’s Connor’s?” Siobhan nodded.
”Yes. It has to be…”
”But you were with Shane when he came a few weeks ago. No?” Siobhan lifted her hands in the air in frustration.
”I don’t know anymore!”
”So it might be Shane’s after all?” Danielle pressed her.
”I wish it was, Danielle. I wish it was.”

Chapter 34
Siobhan kept her pregnancy secret from Shane. Every time they spoke on the phone she was tempted to tell him but she was afraid of his reaction. Another month had passed since they spent that day together when he came unexpectedly and now Shane had another break from the tour and Siobhan managed to take a few days off work to spend with him.
”I miss you, sweetie.” Shane said talking to Siobhan on the phone. “I can’t wait for tomorrow, to see you again.” Siobhan smiled bitterly.
”Shane…”
”What is it?” He asked hearing the tone of her voice.
”I have to tell you something.”
”Yes darling?” He asked tentatively.
”Shane, I’m pregnant.” It took a few seconds for it to sink in and then he cried in delight.
”Oh, Siobhan! It’s the best news I ever heard in my life! Oh I wish I was there to hug you!” He said longing to see her now more than ever. When they finished their conversation Shane yelled out for joy and ran to Nicky’s hotel room to tell him and the rest the good news but Siobhan put the phone down feeling depressed. She wasn’t looking forward to tomorrow to tell Shane the truth.

Shane was really looking forward to seeing his love once again and the minute he was able to leave he did. After an hour’s travel he arrived at her apartment and knocked on the door. He knew he wasn’t expected yet and was going to surprise Siobhan.
”Who is it?” Siobhan called, getting up to answer the door. Shane didn’t answer and waited for her to open the door, which she did, and gasped as she saw who was standing there before her. “Siobhan!” He said delighted to see her again and swept her up in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and cried bitterly. “What’s wrong sweetheart?” He asked, he didn’t expect her to be all upset. Siobhan pulled away and wiped her tears away.
”Nothing, nothing. I’m fine. I’m just happy to see you.” She said, knowing it was half a truth.
”You sure you ok?” He asked worriedly. She nodded and guided him into the lounge. Danielle was there fixing tea and almost dropped the kettle when she saw who had come.
”Shane!” She called and ran in to hug him. “How are you?” She kissed him on the cheek. He kissed her back and hugged her.
”I’m just fine, Danielle.” He smiled.
”I better leave you two lovebirds alone.” Danielle said and picked up her handbag and opened the front door. “The tea is ready if you want it!” She called out as she closed the door behind her.
They sat down together both forgetting the tea and Shane just stared at her, he still couldn’t believe he was there with her after all this time. He glanced down at her stomach and caressed it gently.
”I can’t believe I’m going to be a father.” He said looking up at Siobhan beaming with happiness. She was looking at him with fear in her eyes, wondering how he was going to react once she told him. Shane frowned. “Siobhan, please tell me what is wrong. There’s something bothering you. Please tell me. I’m here now.” He said and drew closer and hugged her lovingly. He pulled away slowly and looked deep into her green eyes. “I love you, Siobhan.” He said and then kissed her softly. Siobhan closed her eyes wrapping her arms around his neck and kissed him back and kept on giving him kisses savoring the feeling of being loved. She knew once she told him he’d leave and she let the tears come while they made love together.

“Did I hurt you?” Shane asked as he stroked her red curls away from her face. He saw the tears in her eyes but she didn’t seem to protest to anything they did. On the contrary she urged and wanted more. Siobhan shook her head.
”No, Shane. You didn’t.” She said and rolled out of bed and pulled her dressing gown around her and walked over to look out the window. Shane came up from behind her and kissed her neck. “Shane, don’t…” She whispered so he stopped and held her waist turning her slowly around to face him. He saw the tears in her eyes and just stood there holding her waiting for her to tell him. Siobhan knew what he was waiting for and took a deep breath.
”It’s not yours.” She whispered and lowered her eyes. Shane looked puzzled and touched her cheek.
”What’s not mine?” It never occurred to him she was talking about the unborn baby. Siobhan looked up at him then instinctively put her hand on her stomach. Shane looked down at her hand then pulled away, he turned around and left the room quietly.

Chapter 35
Siobhan heard Shane run down the stairs and she sat on the bed holding her stomach and no tears to shed. Shane ran down the stairs and bumped into Danielle just as she was coming in back from her outing.
”Hey Shane, where you going?” She asked.
”I… I got… I got to go.” He stammered and left quickly without saying goodbye. Danielle stood in the doorway for a while wondering what that was about and then closed the door and walked up the stairs to see how Siobhan is doing.
She knocked on the door and when she didn’t hear an answer slowly opened the door and peeped through. Danielle saw her sitting on the bed staring into space.
”Hi Siobhan.” Danielle said smiling walking in and closing the door behind her. Siobhan turned to look at her.
”I told him.” She said and sighed deeply.
”Oh.” Danielle thought of what Shane looked like as she walked in. “How did he take it?”
”I don’t know. He didn’t say a word. He just left.” Siobhan got up and faced her friend. “Did I do the right thing? I mean should I have told him?” Danielle embraced her.
”Yes. Of course it was the right thing. He must be upset about the whole thing. It’s not every day someone hears that his girlfriend was raped.” Danielle said quietly. Siobhan pulled away.
”I didn’t tell him that, Danielle.” Danielle was upset.
”Siobhan, you must tell him.”
“I told you I couldn’t. It’s out of the question. He’ll get used to the idea hopefully and he’ll never need to know. Right?” Siobhan asked pleading with Danielle. She sighed and nodded.
”I hope you are right, Siobhan. And above all I hope the baby’s Shane’s.”
”Me too, Kiddo. Me too.”

Shane left immediately. He ran down the stairs and upon seeing Danielle he didn’t know what to say. He left the flat and rushed to the closest pub around. He left his cap in Siobhan’s apartment but he wasn’t going to go back there. Not ever again, if he could help it. He walked into the pub and sat at the bar.
”What can I get ya?” The bartender asked gruffly.
”Give me a Heineken. No, make that a vodka.” The bartender nodded and turned away to prepare it and came back shortly with the drink and passed it to Shane. Shane took the drink and downed it quickly, though he would have preferred it that the effect of the alcohol was just as quick to work. He ordered a bottle of beer and drank that a bit slower thinking of what Siobhan told him.
”It’s not yours.” she said. It’s not mine? It’s not mine??
”Who the bloody hell’s is it?” He said angrily. “How could she do this to me? How could she?” Shane sat there for over an hour drinking bottle after bottle of beer wondering why Siobhan did what she did. He knew how drunk he was when he stood up and felt the world twisting around him, but the pain he felt was stronger and he wished he were drunker than he was. Shane didn’t want to go back to Siobhan so instead he phoned Nicky up.
”Nicky?”
”Yeah Shane.”
”Which hotel are you in?” Out of drunkenness he had forgotten where they were staying and he could hardly keep from slurring his words.
”The -----. Why? What’s up? I thought you were gonna stay with Siobhan tonight.”
”There’s been a change of plans, Nicky.”
”Shane, you’re drunk. Do you know what you’re doing?”
”Nicky, I know exactly what I’m doing.” He said wishing things were different. “Tell Anto I’ll be joining you lot.”
”Sure, Shane. I’ll tell him.” Shane hung up and waited for a taxi to pull over. He got in and told the driver to take him to the hotel. As far as he was concerned that was the most clear thing in his head at the moment anything to do with Siobhan was a haze, too painful to go there.

Chapter 36
Anto greeted Shane as he came into the hotel the security guards were already standing watch waiting for him to arrive and keeping the small crowd of fans at bay. Walking by the fans that called out to him reminded Shane what reality was. He rushed into the hotel, even faster than the security guards.
”Shane you look terrible! What’s happened?” Anto asked concerned.
”Nothing, Anto. Nothing… I just want to sleep.” Shane said managing to control his speech and didn’t slur so much.
”Ok, Shano.” Anto said and gave him the magnetic card to his room. He thanked Anto and went up the stairs as fast as his legs could take him.
He bumped into Kian as he got up the stairs and he was surprised to see Shane there.
”Hey Shane! What you doing here?”
”Nothing, Egan. I need some sleep.” Kian shrugged.
”It’s only 5pm. It’s no time to go to sleep. Come to the pool.”
”Thanks but I think I’ll pass.” Shane said and opened the door and walked into his room shutting it behind him. Kian walked away wondering what made Shane get so drunk so early in the day.

A knock on the door woke Shane up from his sleep. As he slowly got up he felt his head pounding mercilessly reminding him what he had done five hours before. The knock came again which only aggravated the headache.
”Just a second!” He croaked and opened the door to Nicky.
”Hey mate. Mind if I come in?” Shane looked at him as if he was the cause of his suffering, but he opened the door wider and let Nicky in. "What's up?" He asked as Shane walked back to his bed and flopped onto it and closed his eyes. Shane moaned for an answer his head was splitting and he wished he hadn't drunk so much, but then he remembered why he did it and wished he were still drunk. Nicky pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed. Shane opened his eyes and looked at Nicky and groaned.
"She's cheated on me." He said and felt the tears stinging in his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Shane." Nicky said consolingly it occurred to him that the baby might not be Shane's but he wasn't going to say anything.
"Damn it Nicky!" Shane got up quickly. That was a mistake the pain in his head suddenly started pounding and he rubbed his temples, hoping to sooth the pain away. He looked up at his friend and sighed. "Why did she do this to me? Why? I love her God damn it!" Nicky knew best, than to give his opinion at this point he felt very sorry for Shane. "My life is ruined. I'm not going to be a father, I'm going to be the laughing stock of the century!"
"I doubt that, Shane. Everyone's gonna understand and support ya."
"Yeah, everyone but Siobhan. I bet she's laughing her head off at me right now! I can't stand this Nicky! We had something… We had love… She was my everything…" Shane trailed away continuing to murmur about what they shared and what she meant to him. Nicky got up and left the room letting Shane have time alone to sort things out for himself. Shane turned around when he heard the door close behind him and he sighed feeling miserable. Siobhan cheated on him, made love to another man and she’s going to have that man's child. Those thoughts were torturing him. He couldn't live like this; he couldn't let thoughts of Siobhan get to him. When they were together and he was on tour, being away from her seemed like the worst feeling on earth and Shane came to realize that thinking of her now, being away from her now somehow felt even worse. His heart was aching for his love, for Siobhan but he knew she was part of his past he had to look forward to a life without her. If she were dead it would be easier for him to cope with it. Knowing she's alive and she doesn't love him was a devastating feeling. He lay on his bed and wept for everything he had lost that day.

Two weeks passed by and Siobhan looked terrible. Shane never phoned her and she dared not contact him. He was still upset about the whole thing; she needed to give him time to get used to the idea. But somehow thinking like that didn’t make her at ease. She wanted him to phone so badly and was so worried that after all this time he had made no move to contact her.
Danielle didn’t know what to think. Siobhan was looking weaker every day that passed and she knew why. She tried time and time again to persuade Siobhan to pick up the phone and talk to Shane, to sort things out, but she wouldn’t hear of it. She had to let him be the one to phone.
Another week passed and still there was no news from him. Danielle couldn’t stand the uneasiness both of them were feeling and decided to phone him herself. Surprisingly Shane was happy to hear from her.
”Danielle! How are you?”
”I’m ok, and you?”
”I’m great.” He said enthusiastically. “Why haven’t you phoned all this time?”
”Er…” She didn’t expect Shane to be in such a good mood. “I’ve been busy. Why haven’t you phoned?” There was a pause. Shane didn’t know what to say. “Siobhan’s been worried sick about you.” Shane shivered at the mention of her name.
”Has she? Why?” He said angrily. “Why would she care about me after what she’s done?”
”Shane you have to talk to her about it. It’s not for me to interfere.”
”So why are you phoning on her behalf?” He sounded really annoyed.
”I’m not, Shane. It just came up into the conversation.”
”I don’t want to talk about it.”
”Shane…” Danielle was getting upset now and she was going to tell him the truth, but then thought the better of it. “Ok, fine. We won’t talk about it if you don’t want to.” Shane sighed in relief.
”I got to go, love I’ll phone you later, ok?” Danielle smiled relieved herself.
”Great Shane, talk to you later then. Bye.” They both put the phone down and Danielle sighed happily. He’ll phone and Siobhan will answer the phone and they’ll sort it all out.

That evening Danielle heard the phone ringing and smiled to herself.
”Siobhan, can you answer that? I’m a bit busy.”
”Yeah, ok.” She answered and walked down the stairs and picked up the receiver.
”Hello?” There was a pause. Shane knew Siobhan might answer the phone but it wasn’t going to stop him.
”Hello. Can I talk to Danielle?” He asked flatly. Siobhan’s heart skipped a beat when she heard the voice on the other side of the line.
”Hi Shane. How are you?” She managed to say.
”I’m ok and you?”
”A bit tired but I’ll be ok.” She paused for a second. “When can you come over?” She asked thinking everything will be sorted out.
”I don’t know.” He said with the same tone of voice. “Is Danielle there?” He asked impatiently.
”Yeah, hold on I’ll go and get her.” Siobhan was a bit confused but she put the phone down and called Danielle to the phone. Danielle picked it up and mouthed “who is it?” but Siobhan didn’t seem to see. She was finding it hard to understand exactly what her conversation with Shane meant.

Shane kept in touch with Danielle and wanted nothing to do with Siobhan. No amount of persuasion from Danielle to either side could convince them to talk to each other, unless circumstances made it difficult not to. Siobhan was determined to wait for Shane’s move and Shane didn’t even want to know, but he kept in touch with Danielle. He phoned her and went out with her. It was safe being with her, as much as he wanted nothing to do with Siobhan he couldn’t let go completely, he hang on to Danielle.