angel

chapter one

Shane tossed and turned in his sleep. He couldn’t believe that he was still having these nightmares about her. The accident had happened two years ago to the exact day. She told him that it hadn’t been his fault; still he blamed himself for what had happened. Every night since then had thought of nothing else. Shane hated himself for hurting her. He believed that it had been his fault. He had been the one who had hurt her, the one thing that had meant more to him than his life. He had driven her away with his guilt. Shane lay alone in the bed, thinking. Shane was not alone in the room. Nicky was sound asleep in the bed opposite him. Dreaming untroubled by the outside world. Shane closed his eyes.

The girl had only been fifteen at the time, but Shane had fallen in love with Angel the moment he first set his hazel eyes upon her. They had worked together, in the Carlton Café, on the weekends and cleaned the dishes in the kitchen. Even then, when he was fifteen and she eleven, he had found his eyes fixed on her through the kitchen doors, dreaming of holding her in his arms. As she grew up she transformed from a beautiful young girl into a stunning young woman. Shane had loved her then, and if he was completely honest with himself, he still loved her now.

Every time he closed his eyes at night he relived that night in the café..

He was a shy eighteen-year-old boy and Angel, a mystical fifteen-year-old girl. His parents had left the café early that night, leaving Shane and Angel together, alone. She was standing with her tiny delicate hands in the sink when Shane silently crept into the dimly lit kitchen. He was shaking as he stood behind her and placed his hands into the soapy water to find hers. "Shane…" Angel softly spoke. She truly was an angel in his eyes. Before she could speak again, he lowered his lips to her neck and kissed her as he slowly, gently cupped her hands together. Unexpectedly, she let out a cry. Shane panicked as he stared at the murky water in the sink. It was red, dark red, blood red. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. "Oh my God..." Shane somehow managed to stammer. Angel screamed again. Shane quickly reached over and grabbed a towel from the table and held in firm against her hand. It wasn’t doing any good. He couldn’t stop the blood. Shane could see that Angel’s eyes were becoming vacant. Shane looked at her with tears in his eyes. "Take me somewhere Shane, please, please Shane…" her voice trailed off and she collapsed to the floor. Shane tried to calm himself. Why had this happened? Shane kept asking himself as he gathered her up in his arms and carried her to the hospital down the road. Everything else after that seemed to be difficult for Shane to understand.
He immediately woke up from his sleep, breathing hard and fast. Even though he was on the verge of his twenty-first birthday and now a famous pop star and pin up, he still couldn’t banish Angel from his dreams. Shane turned to look at his alarm clock, 3.20am. He lay there in a cold sweat, staring at the ceiling, scared to close his eyes. He just lay there in silence, questioning himself, questioning his feelings for Angel. Why didn’t I tell her how I felt? Why couldn’t I have told her that I loved her? Why? Shane was afraid. He knew that if he closed his eyes again that he’d see her. See her, Angel, his angel. Tears began to fall from his beautiful hazel eyes.
He remembered the way she had looked the last time that he had seen her, beautiful, young and free. She was standing in front of him as the sun was beginning to set on the lake in Hazelwoods. Around her neck was the silver necklace that he had given her only moments ago. A small silver heart shaped pendant suspended on a delicate snake chain. They both stood there in silence; Shane didn’t know what to say to her. She took his hand in hers and kissed him. He wanted to stay lost in that moment forever, but he knew that no matter how much he wanted her to stay with him, she wouldn’t. After an everlasting kiss, their finally lips parted, she smiled at him, ran her fingers softly over his face and then disappeared into the night. He stood there in the cool breeze, heartbroken and alone.
Shane rubbed his eyes and buried his head underneath the pillows. He prayed that maybe now he could get some sleep.

"Come on Shay, It’s time to move!" An impatient Nicky jabbed at Shane’s side through the sheets. "Get lost Nix," replied a sluggish Shane from beneath the pillows. "BEEP BEEP BEEP" "And you can bugger off too!!!" said Shane, knocking his alarm clock off the bedside table. "Please Shay, Anto’s really pissed off." Nicky’s blue eyes pleaded with him. "Okay then, let me get dressed then, will ya?" Shane pushed back the covers and walked into the bathroom.
Nicky opened the heavy curtains and made the beds. He was a very practical lad to share a room with. Very tidy and well organized. As Nicky reached down to pick up Shane’s alarm clock something caught his eye. A white envelope addressed to "Shane Filan" lay hidden between the bedside table and the bedpost. Hmm, I wonder why Shay’s keeping this hidden? I’m sure he won’t mind if I have a quick peek at it, would he? thought Nicky to himself. He quickly glanced at the closed bathroom door and then at the envelope. Nicky was inquisitive. Curiosity finally got the better of him and he reached for the envelope. It was a small, plain white envelope with a postmark from Dublin. Nicky ran his finger on top of the envelope; He knew that it had already been opened. He removed the folded letter from its envelope and began to read it.

Dear Shane,
Thank you for your letter with regards to my niece, Angel. As you already know Angel left Sligo nearly two years ago. This was because her mother, my dear sister Katherine, had fallen terminally ill with cancer and her she wanted to spend her last months with the daughter that she thought was dead. Angel of course wanted to be with her mother through her last days.
Of course Angel was very upset to have to leave. She had grown very fond of your family, yourself included. You could never appreciate how much she thought of you all. She sacrificed all her hopes and dreams to spend a few months with her dying mother whom she barely knew.
After he mothers death she decided that it would be better if she stayed in England with her father, Joe. All I know is that she now lives in Doncaster with her father. Unfortunately I do not have their exact address.
I am deeply sorry that I cannot be of more assistance to you Shane but after the tragic death of my beloved sister the family has slowly drifted apart. I sincerely hope that you succeed in finding her, whatever your reasons may be for searching for her. I know that she is very fond of you and thinks of you as a brother.

Good Luck
Jody Dunkerly

"What the hell do you think you’re doing Nix?" shouted Shane from the bathroom door. "Sorry Shay, I just couldn’t resist it, you know how nosey I am, I’m really sorry, really sorry…" apologised Nicky, getting rather embarrassed by the fact he’d just been caught. "It’s Okay Nix, It’s not like it’s anything important, is it?" said Shane pulling a black jumper on over his bare chest. They looked at each other in silence. Nicky spoke first. "Are you still having trouble sleeping?" "Yeh, It’s getting even worse. I keep seeing her even when I’m not dreaming," said Shane forcing a half smile. "What am I gonna do Nix? It’s driving me insane" "I don’t know, try and find her maybe?" suggested Nicky. "I’ve already thought of that one Nix, Even her aunty doesn’t know where she is" Shane sighed. "She’s in Doncaster Shay, that’s only an hour away from Sheffield on the train" he paused "Maybe we can go after we’ve finished the gig tonight? We’ve got a week off y’know Shay" Nicky smiled, looking impressed with himself for actually think of an idea that was plausible for a change. "Maybe," said Shane taking the letter from Nicky and placing it in his bag. Nicky put his hand on Shane’s shoulder and said, "We’ll find her Shay, Don’t worry about it." Shane forced a smile and picked up his bag. They looked at each other and then walked out of the hotel into the waiting tour bus. Shane looked out of the window. Maybe, just maybe he thought to himself.

"One, Two, One, Two, Testing, Testing…" Mark sat laughing at Bryan as he stood centre stage, attempting to impress everyone with his professionalism. "You’re such a prick Bry," shouted Kian from the far end of the stage. "You’re just jealous cause I’m better than you" replied Bryan. "Better than me at what?" asked Kian. "I’m sooooooo much better looking than you are and you know it!" Bryan answered Kian’s question. "Whatever you think lard-arse," spitted Kian spitefully across the stage as he lunged for Bryan. "Well, I’m better looking than all of you put together!!!" interrupted Nicky, walking onto the stage with Shane. Mark and Shane pulled Bryan and Kian apart from each other. Bryan gave Kian a malevolence look from behind Mark’s head as they walked towards the front of the stage. Kian mouthed "Arsehole" back to Bryan. He was not amused by Kian’s comments about his weight.
"I want to hear you sing loud, proud and Irish," screeched Anto in high-pitched voice from below the stage. "Great, just when I thought he was actually returning from planet Mars, he goes and pulls a stunt like this," whispered Kian to Bryan. Bryan laughed. They were back mates again.. "What shall we sing then guys?" asked Shane. Nicky jumped up and down and screamed "Open Your Heart, Open Your Heart!!!" "Calm it Nix, you’ll wet yourself!" chuckled Bryan. "Okay then Nix, you win." Shane smiled at him and punched him in the arm. "Arrrrggh, My arms gone dead now. Thanks Shay." Nicky rubbed his arm. "Anytime Nix." Shane cheekily grinned at Nicky. They all laughed and began to walk towards the microphones, which were placed right at the front. The music began and they started to sing.
"I didn’t mean to let you down, you have to believe it…" Shane’s mind was elsewhere, He wasn’t in the mood to be singing songs about love. "I don’t know what went, through my mind, but now I can see…" What IS going through my mind? Shane asked himself. "That I waited too long, to tell you how much it matters, just to be right here with you…" What was she doing now? What was she thinking? He thought quietly. "But I couldn't think of anything better, I should have told you so…" She’ll be eighteen now. I wonder if she’s got a boyfriend? Questions plagued Shane’s mind as he sang. All the voices around him faded, the only thing he could hear was the beating of his heart. He was aware of himself singing, even though he couldn’t hear the words. It seemed like an eternity.
The song finally ended. Shane returned to reality. "Great lads, super, brilliant, go have lunch and I’ll see you all at show time!" said an over hyped Anto. "Are you okay Shay?" asked Nicky with concern in his voice. "Yeh, I’m just hungry that’s all Nix," replied Shane. He lied and Nicky knew it. Ever since the band hit the big time he and Shane had become the very best of friends. Nicky knew Shane better that he knew himself. The lads quickly ran through some final checks, sorted out the schedule, finally packed up and then went back to the hotel to eat.

"Touring really sucks y’know that don’t you?" blasted Kian "I wanna go home! NOW!" He folded his arms and sulked. "Last show tonight Kian, and then you can sod off and quit giving me a headache" replied Nicky sounding pretty pissed off. Tempers were higher than usual. Living in each other’s pockets for nearly four months was bound to cause problems for their friendship. Everyone wanted to get off the tour and away from each other. It was only natural. "I bet you can’t wait to get home, back to Dublin Nix," said Kian sarcastically. "And why’s that Kian?" asked Nicky mocking Kian. "Well" he paused "I bet your Georgina’s been keeping the bed nice and cosy for you, y’know waiting for you." Kian nudged Nicky and winked. "No thanks, she snores like a steam train," Nicky said laughing. "And besides, me and Shane aren’t going home," finished Nicky. "What? Are you insane?" Mark said looking completely confused by Nicky’s statement. "We’re gonna do some shopping and sight seeing…" "Sightseeing?" asked Kian. "Yeh, y’know look at things, Christ you really are as dense as you look aren’t you?" said Nicky sarcastically. "Don’t you agree Shay?" Nicky turned to Shane who was busy making strange shapes out of his remaining fries. "What?" Shane vaguely replied. "Never mind" Nicky slapped Shane playfully round the head. "Hey watch the hair Nix, It took me ages to get it right this morning." "Liar" whispered Nicky into Shane’s ear. "Let’s get back to our rooms like good little boys or else Anto will probably hang himself," joked Bryan. "Good, he’s been a right pain in the arse lately" said Kian grumpily, still sulking from Nicky’s insults. "P.M.S" laughed Mark.

Shane crashed out on the bed. Nicky sat down on his own bed on the opposite side of the room. Shane was knackered. He could barely keep his eyes open and within a few minutes, he had fallen asleep. Nicky looked at Shane asleep and decided that he’d better go and apologise to Kian or else he’d have to suffer with Kian’s childish sulking all night. Nicky looked at Shane, asleep on the bed. He smiled and closed the door behind him.
Shane could feel her hand touching his face and slowly, she pulled him closer… he could feel her warm breath against his skin… then her lips… Shane’s eyes flew open. His chest felt tight and he was struggling to breathe. He closed his eyes again for a second. When he opened them again he could see Nicky walking though the door. "Time to go on with the show Shay" Nicky handed Shane his jacket and they both walked down the stairs and into the waiting car.

Shane splashed cold water on his face and glared into the mirror. He looked pale and tired. He grinned at the mirror in an attempt to cheer himself up. It didn’t work. He dried his face in the towel that he had just picked off the floor and remembered just how bad last nights gig had been.
It had been a disaster. The recipe for a nightmare. Things couldn’t have possibly been any worse. First, Nicky had worn black boxers with white trousers for "Flying Without Wings", Then, Kian's trousers had shrunk in the wash and he split them on stage whilst dancing to "No No", Mark had decided to walk into a door ten minutes before the show and give himself a black eye. All the make-up in the world couldn’t have disguised it. And to top it all off, Shane had forgotten the words to "Open Your Heart". A disaster, a total disaster. He wanted to die.
"That was crap Nix," started Shane as he walked into the faintly lit room. Nicky however, was still asleep, sucking his thumb like a baby. "Gee Nix, I think I’d get a better reaction if I started to talk to the wall!" Nicky stirred in his sleep and rubbed his twinkly blue eyes. "What time is it?" asked a sleepy Nicky. "About half-ten, time to get up sleepy head," replied Shane. "Y’know your thumb is gonna shrink if you keep on sucking at it Nix" "I know," They giggled. Nicky sprang out of his bed and headed towards the bathroom. Shane spent the next five minutes in hysterics as Nicky did an impression of Mark by pretending to walk into the bathroom door. "Get dressed you idiot!" Shane managed to shout in-between his laughing fit. Nicky shut the bathroom door after giving Shane a big cheesy grin. He came out a couple of minutes later, dressed and awake. Shane had already packed his bags and grabbed Nicky’s from the corner of the room. "You ready now pansy? Teased Shane. "Pansy ehh?" said Nicky as he threw a towel at Shane. "Control yourself Nicholas Byrne" was Shane’s response. The two of them walked down the stairs, (Nicky refused to take the lift) singing quietly to themselves. Several floors later the reached the lobby, where the rest of the lads were waiting.
Bryan looked rough; Kian didn’t look much better than him. After the disastrous gig, Bryan and Kian had headed straight to the bar in the hotel. Now, they were suffering the consequences. Mark’s black eye stood out like a blinding light on a foggy day. Shane playfully banged Bryan’s head against Kian’s and laughed. They didn’t appear to see the funny side of the joke. "Are you sure you’s two won’t come back to Ireland with us?" checked Mark. "Na, go and have a rest lads, me and Shane are gonna check out what England’s got to offer." "Okay then, If you’re sure" sighed Mark. They hugged each other and left the hotel. Mark, Kian and Bryan got into a cab and headed for the airport, Nicky and Shane began to walk towards the train station.

"Are you hungry Nix?" Shane looked at him. "Na, I… Erm… No… Yes… Hmm…" Shane was baffled by Nicky’s bizarre response. "And what the hell does that mean?" Nicky sat down on a bench fidgeting with a pen, gazing into oblivion. "Please." "Please what Nix? Are you OK?" Shane squinted at him. "Fooooood" said Nicky; he seemed to be in a trance. "Come on dippy, I saw a sign for McDonalds down the street when we arrived." He pulled at Nicky’s arm. "Hmmm, take me to the golden M" Nicky did an impression of a zombie. Shane shook his head at Nicky. Shane was starting to think that maybe Nicky had hit his head somewhere.

Shane looked out of the window, down at the high street. It was raining outside. It seemed almost appropriate that the weather was as dull and gloomy as his mood. "Hello? Shane…" "What?" Shane turned around. Nicky was trying his best to make Shane laugh by sticking straws in his ears. "Cheer up Shane" said Nicky as he removed the last straw from his ear. "She’s out there Nix, somewhere." Shane sighed and turned back towards the window and began to look out again. "Shay, we’ll have a look for her tonight when we go round the nightclubs, Okay?" "Okay Nix."

chapter five to eight