Mark was looking down. His eyes didn't shine like it used to be. He didn't even get a minute of sleep last night after going around the town like a madman. He didn't know how he felt. There was a huge lump inside his throat and he knew the only way to get it out was to hug Emily. Her hugs were always like a medicine to Mark. That was why he cuddled up so often to Emily. It made him felt so secured and so loved.

'Mark, what are you going to do now? You haven't even told me why did you leave Emily like that, in the middle of the night.' Mark didn't know if he was able to speak but he pushed his words out. His voice sounded so un-Mark. 'Bry, would you promise not to tell anyone else?' Bryan nodded and was happy that Mark was confiding in him.

He whispered softly and was half hoping that Bry wouldn't hear him. Mark almost broke down when his words finally came out. Bry got the shock of his life. 'WHA'? I thought she was clean!!! How did you know?' 'I found the left-over of the drug and two syringes in the bathroom's bin last night.'

I felt so lonely in this small squared room. It was getting cold and I got no hug from no one. I had to hug myself. I often cried to sleep at night and couldn't stop blaming myself for loosing Mark. Everyday had the same routine. Got up at five in the morning, shower, breakfast, therapies, psychologist, lunch, therapies, free time, classes, check-ups, supper, sleep.

I was lucky enough I wasn't put back to my old grade. I was put in the first grade and they were being a bit easier to the first grades. I was still having morning sickness and at days I really couldn't stand my cravings, I started eating more and more.

It was like a taste of hell. Nicky, G and Bry couldn't visit me too often cos they weren't allowed to and Nicky and Bry was away a lot with the other lads. I didn't get to go on their Asian Tour and Anto almost blew his head off because he had tried so hard to got me a seat.

I begged Nicky, G and Bry not to tell my dad as he already went back to Jakarta. Clearly, I was back where I was before I met Mark. That meant, I was nothing again.

couple of months later

I was reading the newspaper that morning. I got out of the centre not long ago. The doctor told me that I was lucky I only had two doses of the drug and it hadn't harmed my baby in any way but chances were always there.

I was alone and I sold my old apartment because I just simply couldn't stand the memories it had. I finally told Garda about my ex-dealer and the terror he had done to me. They were on their process to get him.

Then I saw it. It was written clearly on the paper. The 'Life are Back in Town. Suddenly I had this crazy idea and when I was about to go out, the phone rang. 'Emily?' 'NICKY! Hi! How are you?' Luckily I was still friends with the other lads and they were all great and loving friends. 'I'm tired but happy to be back, thank you.' I could almost sense that Nicky was smiling.

'How are you?' 'I'm fine thank you and completely clean again. And eight months pregnant.' Nicky hadn't noticed that I was pregnant because he was away so much and he never really got the chance to come and see me in the centre when I already had big baby bump. 'WHA'? When? Who? How?'

I laughed. 'Whoa! Calm down, Nixter.' 'Okay okay. It might not be my business, but whose is it?' I knew he was going to ask that question and suddenly my head was flooded with a lot of happy memories with Mark. Those memories stabbed my heart, like it always did. I didn't answer Nicky.

'Is it...' I knew what he was going to say. 'Yes.' I answered sadly. It always drove me crazy because I couldn't stop blaming myself for loosing Mark. 'Okay Em, listen. Bryan said he wants to go to your place. Is that okay?' 'Yeah sure.' 'Alright, good. Listen, I gotta go now alright? I'll call you later on.' 'Okay, bye!'

My door was knocked softly. 'Hang on!' I had to get up from the chair I was sitting and I was getting heavier and heavier. It got harder by the day. 'Bryannn!!! Oh God, it's been so long since I saw you last time!' 'Look at you!! You look as if you're about to explode!' We laughed.

Bryan knew I was pregnant but he managed not to tell the other lads or anyone else. 'How are you love?' He gave me a hug although it was really hard to do it. 'I'm fine thank you. Clean and I swear never to touch those bloody stuff again! Oh come in, come in Bry. Sorry!' I grinned.

Then it happened, I saw a familiar face getting out of the lift. My eyes widen in shock.