"Over the next year, our relationship developed rapidly. She travelled with us whenever she could, but she was determined not to give up her studies. She said that even if we spent the rest of our lives together, and most definitely would have a secure future and enough money, she wanted to do something more of her life. I never tried to stop her, she expected my career, I expected hers. It was such a difference cos I was used to get a load of wincing about how I was never home and stuff, but she was so different. It was this feeling of fulfilness, just knowing I could pick up the phone and call her no matter how minor it was. Asking for advice, or just to chat when I felt lonely. Anything, it was somehow as she'd just fallen from above, like some sort of guardian angel that was there to guide me through when I was down.

"Anyway, the strain of not seeing her much became bigger and bigger. After a year, I did start to date another girl as well. I put away all thoughts of the fact that I was cheating. after all, why would I cheat on Nikki? She was the best thing that had ever happened to me. She finally spotted us together though. I walked into the hotel room one day after a date with the other girl and she was clearly upset. Was I cheating on her? No matter how much I tried to deny the fact to myself, Nikki was the one person I'd never, ever be able to lie to. I don't think she'd have believed me if I'd lied anyway. She just stormed out and at that moment I felt so empty. I finally realised that she meant the world to me, and she wasn't to take for granted. Like everything else, she could be gone just as soon as she'd come. And she was.

"I think Mark talked to her and Lorraine went over to stay with her or whatever. I was devastated. As soon as I'd pulled myself together, I broke the other relationship as well. I'd never broken a relationship over the phone before, but I made it as quick as possible, leaving no explanation. The girl probably considered me a prat, but I didn't care. I considered myself something even worse, I had just cheated on the only girl I had ever really loved.

"It must have been 4 or 5 months till I finally plucked up the courage to contact her again. It wasn't so much trying to get her back, but I knew I'd have to say sorry. I just decided to go up to her house one day. In the end, I did what I hadn't intended to, pleaded for a second chance. I know that was sinking very low, but I just felt like I couldn't go on without her. She said no though, I had probably hurt her, but unlike me, she'd gone on with her life. I ended up crying but she showed no pity. I didn't want any pity of her either, I wanted to get my emotions out, cos since she broke up, I hadn't admitted my feelings to anyone, and I had all those pent-up emotions that wanted to get out. I think the last thong I did was threatening to take my life, but she just considered it stupid.

"To tell you the truth, so did . However, one of our old singles, Flying Without Wings, came on the radio. I realised that I was rather falling with wings... There was no happiness whats however left in my life. It was a big world out there, harsh as it was considering I was always in the spotlight, and I was alone, with nothing, no one to fall back on if I fell. No one to pick me up.

"I know it was stupid, but on the smaller roads the walls beside the roads were common. I just got this idea, which was really stupid, and in a matter of seconds I had rammed my car into one. I just felt a sudden pain shoot through my body, and I bit my teeth together. I passed out from the pain even before I had time to regret what I did.