I woke up next to Bryan in bed and really didn’t care about yesterday, he was still asleep, it all seemed completely unreal, as if nothing had happened the night before. It felt like a dream that I had just woken up from, but as Bryan opened his eyes it all became reality again. I took hold of my head, sighed, and got out of bed. Bryan pulled my arm back, I was facing him, inches away, I could feel his warm breath hitting my skin, I wished that he’d lean over to kiss me, maybe that was all it would take, to know that he still loved me, and I still loved him. I looked behind him, still not looking at him, and he leant over, his warm lips touched mine, but I pulled back.

"Don’t go, we need to talk" he said, I sighed again, but I figured it was time, we had to talk, "Okae, but Bryan, I need you to answer my questions first!" "Whatever, just please don’t just leave me." He said. I started my interrogation, I looked him in the eye for the first time since I saw the photo and said, "tell me the truth…" and off I started, "Who was she?" he looked at me "should that matter, it was wrong I know that, I didn’t mean to do it"

I wanted to know who she was, why, I didn’t know but I needed to know. "Bryan, did you know her before, did it happen just the once, oh god!" I broke down, "Bryan, so many questions are running through my head, I just can’t believe it, how could it happen between you and me? You promised me that nothing would come between us" he looked up, "What can I say, I’m sorry" He looked me in the eyes, "Rav, forgive me please, I need you" I held him close to me "Bryan, I need you, and I know in my heart that you couldn’t do this to me intentionally, but the part that hurt the most was the fact that you couldn’t tell me" "I wanted to," he whispered, "I really wanted to, but I couldn’t hurt you and thought that if I left it to myself I wouldn’t need to say anything again, I know it was wrong, but I was scared" I felt my tears starting again, he pulled away from me and wiped my tear away, "Listen, I love you, what I did was wrong, it will be even worse to dredge it all up again, it will hurt more. I’m sure that more than anything I have realized how much I love you that has got to count for something" I couldn’t help but think that he was right. I looked at him, but wondered; maybe he is just saying all this to make up, should I really give in that easily? I looked at him and pulled away, "No Bryan, if my love for you and your love for me was so strong in the first place, then this wouldn’t have happened" He looked up, "Rav, I made a mistake, I’m only human – I’ve learnt so much from it already, please" "no" I replied, I couldn’t believe I was saying this myself "what?" my sub conscious asked. I didn’t want him to think that I was a pushover and he could do this to me over and over, and Keely, well I thought she was my best mate, she had done this to me too – two of the people that I trusted more in this world than anything, they’d both betrayed the trust I had in them for so long.

I walked up to the window, and looked out, I thought how life would have been if Bryan and me did eventually split up and how I would cope with seeing him, but not touching him, remembering him every time Shane and Keely would be together, I visualized a life without Bryan, a life that looked inert, a life that I didn’t want. I immediately turned around and began to talk, "Bryan…" I looked at him, he had his head faced down and his cheeks began to go red, "Bryan…" I said as I moved over he looked up at me, his eyes were filling up I felt a piercing pain go through my heart, "Bryan, hunny no" I called as I looked at him "no, don’t do that, don’t hurt me anymore not now" I wiped the tear away from his face, and pulled him towards me, "I Love You" I muttered, my arms and grip around him tightened pulling him closer towards me, "I really love you" I realized from that moment, that Bryan and I were not meant to be apart, it wasn’t going to be an easy thing to forget, but it would be easier than losing the man that I loved, that man that I still love.