I was sitting in my room reading one day when the doorbell rang. I looked up, who could that be? Gazing out the window I suddenly recognised the car outside. At first I thought I shouldn't open, but it rang again, and again, so I finally went down. I opened the door slowly, what did he want? "Hi..." he looked at me as to get a reaction from me. "Hello," I said, I sounded calm, but inside I was trembling.

"Nikki, can I talk to you for a while, please?" "Erm, yes, come in." I answered. God, did I just invite him in? This was bad, I took a deep breath. Had to be strong and not give in. I suddenly realised that I hadn't gone over him at all. "Sit down," I said, pointing to the sofa in the living room, he sat down slowly, "do you want anything?" "No, thank you, I just wanted a bit of your time..." "Well," I said and sat down on the other end of the sofa, "you have my attention, go on." He fiddled with his ring and I knew he was nervous. He looked so small where he sat and I just felt like hugging him.

"You know, I've done a lot of thinking..." he said and looked up. "Yeah, and?" "And I came to the same conclusion every time, I still love you..." My heart pondered, I took a deep breath again. I wouldn't give in that easily. He tried to catch my gaze and did it successfully. I felt my eyes fill with tears and tried to blink them away. I couldn't break down now, had to be strong. "Nikki, I know I was wrong, but please give me another chance. I love you..." "No, Shane, I can't, I don't trust you anymore. It's not that easy, I love you too, but we can't go on if I don't trust you." "I promise not to-" "Shane, you heard what I said, I don't trust you anymore. I can't take the risk of getting hurt again. And, how can I be so sure that you broke up with..." "Luce," Shane filled in, "take my word on it, I did! Please, you have to believe me!" "OK, I do, I still wouldn't trust you in a relationship. We wouldn't see each other often enough to have a relationship without trust, and you know that." "I do, but please, just one more chance..." "Shane, it's a principle I have, once I've broken up with someone I won't get back together." "Can't you just make an exception for once?" "No, and you know that puppy eyed look won't work. I can't no matter how much I love you, and the fact that you're a famous pop star don't give you extra points either."

I could see the hurt look on his face and knew I had hit the right spot. Shane was very touchy about the fame part. "OK, but this is killing me you know. Killing me. What if I can't take it and go and take my life then?" I just looked at him. "Shane, don't talk a load of rubbish. The more you go on the more I realise you're just like all other guys I've ever been together with. It's just a threat, you know you would never do anything like that!" "Yeah, you're right, I'd better be off now..." I followed him over to the door, "Bye now." He looked at me with misty eyes. "Bye..." he hugged me tightly and I didn't protest. I could feel him shivering and knew the gesture was more about comforting himself than a last effort to make me change my mind. I could feel his tears dripping down on my face as he kissed my forehead softly. I still didn't do anything to stop him. "Always remember that I love you..." he whispered, before his voice broke. He turned around and walked out to his car, he looked so small, so fragile. As if he'd break in the wind.

I stood in the window and watched him drive down the road. I had managed to get through it. But if I had done the right thing, why did it feel so wrong? I cuddled up on the sofa and cried. Oh, why did I have to be so stubborn?

I must have fallen asleep as I woke up by the telephone ringing. "Hello?" I said. "Nikki, is it you?" I knew directly that something was wrong and felt a cold fear creep up my spine, what if... no, I put it away. "Yeah, Mark it's me." "I don't know how to tell you this. It's Shane, he..." Mark went quiet. I felt sick, what if he'd really taken his life? I was unable to say anything, the fear almost choked me, and I just waited for Mark to say something...