"Hi!" Shane greeted me and I ran into his waiting arms. I had flown over to London once again to stay with him. Over the past few months, our relationship had really developed into something special. "I missed you so," Shane said kissing me. "I missed you too..." it had only been a week since he left Dublin the last time, but keeping the relationship secret put a big strain to it. I could never go to the airport to meet him or say goodbye, because it would surely get the gossip going. We kissed again. I slowly drew away, "You're sure no one saw you?" I said, I didn't know if the idea of him coming up here really was as good as he thought, the looks we got from people around us was suspicious. Shane looked into my eyes, as he always did when he had something important to say. I knew what it was before he said it... "Nikki, I-" I interrupted him. "Shane I know, it's a strain, but I'm just not ready to go public yet." I knew what had happened when Lorraine and Mark went public a couple of months earlier, and I didn't feel ready to go through something like that. "But-" "Shane please, I came down here to have a lovely time with the man I love. Please don't mention it again..." "OK." Shane replied, and he did take a break from it, at least for the time being. For the past month, he'd kept on going on about it, and it made the strain of keeping our relationship secret even worse.

As I had guessed, he started on it the minute we were back at the hotel. "Nikki, listen to me, there's rumours going, and sooner or later we won't be able to go on like this anymore. Please, I want to be honest to my fans... if you really-" I knew what he was gonna say, had been through it all so many times before. "Shane, you know I really love you, and I know you should be honest to your fans, but-" I suddenly started crying, didn't really know why, but I did. Shane softly moved up beside me, "It's alright love, I know...." He slowly rocked me and I calmed myself again. He placed his hand under my chin, turned my face up and kissed me...

After I while I drew away. "Shane..." "Yes love?" "Maybe you're right, maybe we should-" This time it was Shane interrupting. "No, I'm sorry for being so pushy, if you don't feel ready we shouldn't go public, just take your time, OK? Don't listen to me..." I looked up at him and smiled. "Thanx..." I didn't know why I wanted to keep it secret, deep inside me I knew that as long as I had Shane with me I'd be able to get through it. And I knew I loved Shane, trusted that he loved me, so what was I afraid of really? I didn't know...

Shane finally let go off me and looked at his watch. "Will you be alright here for a while? I'm just gonna check something with Anto?" "Mmm..." I said, not really listening to what he said, I was too wrapped up in my own mind. Suddenly it dawned on me, talking to Anto? Oh no, the last time he did that he had ended up phoning Louis to sort out a day off, and he couldn't do that again! I knew that neither Anto or Louis had approved of it, and even thought Shane had been in need off a break, and I was happy to just be with him, I knew it couldn't go on. It might destroy things for the band in the long running.

Half an hour later Shane came back, placed himself beside me, saying nothing. He softly stroke my hair, "Do you know how much I love you?" he whispered. I looked at him. "If you love me as much as I love you I know...." I all of a sudden found myself wrapped up in his arms, and although I enjoyed it, I knew he mainly did that when he needed comfort. "What's wrong?" I felt him shivering, and I knew I had been right. Something was bothering and it was not only that he wanted to go public...