To be honest, I can't remember how the rest of the press conference went, I was in too much of a daze to notice anything that was going on around me. Getting out of the building afterwards now the fans knew I was there was a nightmare. Thank god for security, that's all I can say. There was shouting, screaming, pushing and shoving in all directions, it looked like a big sea of people, literally.

All six of us were bundled into the car and drove off as quickly as possible. As expected I was a little shaky. "Are you okay?" "Umm... I... uhh... no, I'm not" I clung to Mark tightly, as he did to me, I couldn't handle it, I had to let it all out. I cried into his shoulder all the way to the guys' hotel, the others didn't know where to look. Needless to say, there was no giggle-filled banter in the car that time. Back at the hotel, there seemed to be a deathly silence, like a black cloud had descended upon us, pouring down like rain, dampening our spirits, flooding our souls, just like the insults and negative feelings the other fans were giving us... or rather... me.

I excused myself and took the key from Mark to the room he shared with Shane and lay down on one of the beds. I needed to get my head around the things that had taken place that day. I presumed it was Mark's bed, it had the smell of his aftershave resting on it, it seemed like a layer of dust, that when I lay down on it I upset the powder, sending heart-melting swirls of the fragrance whirling around me, like it was Mark himself holding me, protecting me. I kicked off my shoes, they seemed to be as suffocating as my clothes, but I wouldn't take them off... I hadn't brought anything else with me as I was travelling back up to Edinburgh that evening by train. I fell asleep shortly after lying down, the visions of the day creeping back to haunt what little sleep I was going to get.

"You slut" "You're defending her are you, the slut's best buddy?" "Do you feel that you're taking the band member/fan relationship too far...?" "Are you just going out with him for the publicity...?"

Their voices seemed to grow louder and louder, they were closing in on me, shouting, screaming at me, scaring me...closing in... shouting...screaming...

"Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!" I shot bolt upright on the bed screaming my lungs out, my forehead dripping with sweat, my hair sticking to me. I hadn't realised the lads had come in. They got the fright of their lives. Mark rushed over from the sofa. "Lorraine! It's okay, I'm here. Shhh... it's okay... it was just a bad dream... it's okay..." Shane fetched two small cold, damp towels from the bathroom and handed them to Mark. He placed one on the base of my neck, and the other he held against my forehead. "They... they were shouting at me, screaming, they wouldn't leave me alone, they kept coming at me, closing in...shouting..." "Who?" "Them... the fans, the reporters... all the people who hate me. I kept thinking of that girl in the airport, the press conference... I'm so sorry" "Don't be sorry, you've had a hard day, anyone would feel the same as you, don't..." "No... nobody feels the way I do. This is the hardest thing I'm ever going to have to do..." I started, bending over to put my shoes on again.

"What's wrong?" "This. All this... I'm a really emotional and sensitive person... things like this get to me really badly... I can't handle this anymore..." I stood up and walked over to the door where my coat was hung up on the hanger, and my bag tossed on the floor. "Where are you going??" Mark looked at me, alarmed. The others looked the same. I quickly put my coat on and slung my bag over my shoulder, struggling to hold back the tears that had started to well up in my eyes which threatened to fall like a waterfall any second, think and fast. I slowly turned round to face Mark...and my future. "I'm going back to Edinburgh now. I can't stay here, the other fans'll go ballistic..." "Let them!" "Mark...I can't handle this... it's too hard to keep putting on a front when they keep knocking it down..." I walked over to Mark and kissed him on the cheek. "Maybe it would be the best thing for everyone if... if I went home and you went back on tour... separating again... but this time for good. Please remember that I love you and I always will. 'Bye guys... Goodbye Mark."

I closed the door, turned around and started to walk shakily along the rocky road back to reality...my reality...where I belonged.