"What?" Kian’s words only added confusion to the whole situation. "Ki, what are you saying?" He didn't let go of her. "That I am not cured. I never was... You never knew. Don't blame yourself..." "Kian cured from WHAT???" Esther knew the answer, and it was one she didn't feel like hearing. But there was still some hope... "Cured from the cancer you thought I never had."

She turned away in a sudden move. She didn't want to look at him, she didn't want to hear this, and she didn't want to be here. Esther started to try to get away from Kian, out of the bed and the room. "No don't... stay here..." She started crying.

"WHY??? Why did you never tell me? Why did you lie? What were you trying to achieve here? What..." He stopped her by resting his finger on her lips. "Shh, it's okay... it's all going to be okay... Don't cry now..." She put her head on his shoulder and cried out. Kian caressed her back and her hair. "I didn't tell you because of what you told me about that boy. Do you remember that day we went to doctor Moseby?" She could only nod. It was as if a large hand was choking her. "He told me that day, after you ran away... and then when I got home you looked so sad I just couldn't tell you. And afterwards I wouldn't. Essie, I never meant to hurt you. That's why I lied, and that is what's going on." She started to cry even harder.

"Nooh, Kian please... You can't just ignore it. You have to..." He interrupted her. "No I don't. I have a choice." "So you choose to die. You're giving up!" He could hear the anger and the fear. "Listen first before you judge that. I didn't make this decision in one night you know. They were hundred percent sure that there's nothing that can be done... so they let me choose between an operation that would allow me another five years or so, or no operation, no pain, but..."

Esther now finally understood all the things she didn't understand before. "Why?" It was all she could say at the moment. "Essie, I know... I know this isn't easy... That operation would be the end anyway love. They were going to cut my spine so that the... thing, couldn't grow any further. But I would have died anyway from the rest." He held her close to him, and just whispered the rest. "I didn't want to die in a wheelchair, that's all. There was no other option really. I want to be able to live my life to the full, not chained and vegetating."

Esther understood what he was saying. He was right... Kian was too lively to be able to cope with being lame. "Are you mad at me now? For not saying anything?" "No, not really. It's actually sweet. But..." A new cry ended her sentence. She held on to Kian as tight as she could. "I know... this is the only thing you can do... but it's so hard to let go..."

After lying there for a while longer she finally found the courage to ask him the question. "So, how long... I mean..." "How long before it's over?" She nodded. "That's the beauty of it all. It may take years, it may end tomorrow. No one knows." She sat up and looked down on him. She saw he was also fighting his tears. "Why is that so beautiful?" He smiled at her. "Because now we can do but one thing: seize the day. Don't you see it? We HAVE to live every day as if it were the last, because it might actually be true." Esther smiled. Typically Kian’s way of thinking.

"You can't help but see the bright side of things can you?" They both laughed. He sat up and took her hand. "Can you try to live with this? I mean, if you really want me to I'll get that operation..." She caressed his hair, his cheek, trying to imagine what it would be like. "I love you Ki. I don't want to see you anywhere near that operation table!" Her smile told him she meant it. "I love you oh so much Essie. More than I could ever tell you..." He pulled her in his arms and kissed her...