One fine evening in 1998, I was sitting in front of a computer, bored out of my mind. I glanced at the instant messenger ICQ, and was somewhat curious to know who else were using ICQ. So I started entering the names of my Thai friends I could remember into the Add/Find User function. To my surprise, many of them popped up. I figured there was nothing to lose so I contacted these girls through ICQ and/or emails, and the rest is history.

From a couple of old friends I found, more and more email addresses started flowing in. By the time I got around to make an email list for my classmates, I had about 30 email addresses on hand. Now I have email addresses of about 85 classmates. Last week I sent out a 5-question survey, asking the girls what they are up to, and the responses were just overwhelming. The girls are all over the world getting their master degrees, and even some doctorate, or just working away back home.

I suddenly don’t feel so lonely anymore.

Those who have studied abroad during the days when the only communication medium with your friends back home was snail mail would understand my pain. When you first settling in, you got lots of correspondence from your friends. Then 3-4 letters a month slowly turned into 1-2 every a couple of months. As much as you tried to keep the friendship torch alive, somehow distance seemed to get the best of you. You stopped writing due to the lack of responses. My case, the next thing was that I came home my first summer to my 3 best friends, and realized that I knew no one else.

Why not make new Thai friends at school, you ask? I truly believe I’m one of the few Thai students who felt this way. Because I was so far removed from Thai peers during high school (I was the only international student), when I got to college, I didn’t feel like I fit in very well with Thai community. I made some acquaintances, but I didn’t end up with someone I could truly call a friend. I was a stranger among my own people.

It’s true that all you need is a bunch of your best friends. But frankly I did miss having been able to claim that I pretty much spent my childhood with at least 150 friends. When I started getting in touch with some of them again, I realized that I might not have been close to most of them, but they are a part of my life. They did know me. With that I can’t deny.

Fundamentals aside, in today’s competitive business world, sometimes it’s more about who you know than what you can do. Networking is probably my most valuable lesson. Case in point: Hollywood. You are more likely to get started in the show biz if you know someone. Keeping your contacts is the key to success to work and to life. Always build new bridges, but don’t burn any bridges if not necessary. What that means is that it is encouraged that we meet new people, and keep good relationship with your old acquaintances. Everyone always knows something that you don’t, and the exchange of information is beneficial to everyone.

We have been utilizing this Mater Dei email list mainly to keep in touch, but it has since turned out to be an excellent networking tool for girls at home and those far away. We use the List to help us with homework, find us career contact, organize a real-life reunion, and seek more information on something we couldn’t answer by ourselves. Someone else told the list about a possible hiring at her company. I fish out ideas for my next articles. My best girl Joy is getting married in April, and she even uses the list to invite all the old friends to help celebrate her big day!

There are many ways you can keep in touch with friends. Snail mail. Email. Instant Messenger. Dial Pad and plain ol’ telephone. Other venues include your very own message board (also known as forums) and email list services. There are several free forums and email lists out there you can sign up with. Don’t be shy about spearheading the process. If you want to get the friends together, you run with the idea and act on it. Don’t wait for someone else to do it for you.

Keeping in touch takes a lot of initiation, effort, and patience. If you stay proactive, put out enough effort, and remain patience, your enthusiasm will eventually rub off on those you are keeping in touch with. All mails and messages must be answered in timely manner. You know how you were wondering why your friend didn’t write back sooner, don’t do that to them either, but do give them the benefit of the doubt if they didn’t respond promptly. Be helpful with queries as if you were the one asking for favor. Don’t send junk mail if you don’t want to receive them. And so on. It’s all about courtesy, my friends.

Better late than never, kids. Make contact. Keep in touch. You won’t regret any of it. I can guarantee you that.

Through her email list, Oakley gathered up
15 of her friends for a reunion dinner in 1999 at Anna Cafe.