You may think that this is not going to apply to you because you don’t date anyone outside of your Thai student circle to begin with. Within the circle, the same dating rules from home still apply. But darling, if a white boy as good looking as Willy McIntosh, or a Japanese sweetheart looking like Kobori of your dreams, asks you out, wouldn’t you want to take advantage of that at least once?

That brings us to our discussion. You’re not in Thailand anymore. Coming from a different country or being of a different ethnicity has nothing to do with anything else. Multi-racial dating is more acceptable in general American culture than you think. When it comes to the matters of the heart, the rules are somewhat different in the U.S. Being asked out on a date or going on one is a completely different ball game than what you may think. Back home, boys would try to find their way into your presence through their friends, or by flat out claiming that they know you. Here, some of the boys don’t even go through all that trouble. He would just walk up to you to start a conversation, and if it all goes well, he might ask for your number or give you his.

Sometimes it doesn’t even have to be a date. For example, recently two boys came up and started talking to my friend and I at a club, then offered to buy us drinks, and invited us to a party afterward. In this scenario, many people would hang out together all evening, some might end up with the phone numbers, some might end up in bed for a one night stand, and some might even end up in a continuing relationship. But first rule of dating is that clubs and bars are *not* the place to meet your mate. In our case, we knew that these guys were after something we weren’t about to give. With that in mind, we flirted with them some more, scored some free drinks for us, and when they weren’t paying attention, we slipped out and left. That’s right. We used the boys. But as Tom Leykis, the infamous talk radio personality whose show is all about men (some listeners think of him as a chauvinist pig), says often on his show: If men are dumb enough to try buying girls drinks in order to get laid, then ladies, by all means, take advantage of them.

By the same token, remember the second rule: thou shall not manipulate the nice guys. Also don’t let yourself be manipulated by guys either. There will be times when someone really likes you and you know it but you’re not interested in them. Using these pure-intention sweethearts is a no-no. What goes around comes around. You must learn to distinguish the sleazy from the sweetie, and that sometimes is not easy to do.

It’s hard to determine what the boy wants from you. There are different types of “suitors” here: those who just want sex, serial daters/confirmed bachelors who keep on dating new girls all the time without committing to one, those who are truly interested in you and want to go out with you again to develop the relationship, and those who date and commit right away. Girls are the same way also. (Which kind are you?) The third rule of dating is that it is common that you don’t commit to anyone until you both agree to date exclusively or go steady. Yes my dear, you can date one guy Friday night, and out with another on Saturday. You are not being “easy” or “cheap” for doing so. The dating scene here is like shopping. You like someone, you try them out on a few dates, then you can keep them or leave them.

Speaking of checking out the merchandise, the fourth rule is going to take some courage to follow: girls *can* make the first move. I know this is against all the prim-and-proper guidelines we all grow up with, but it is the 21st century now. We are no longer the second sex. Actually, some guys are truly impressed if the girls make the first move. It’s okay to ask the boy out for a date. Nowadays, the common college line would be “Maybe we can go get a cup of coffee sometimes,” or “Maybe we can get together to study sometimes,” or “Maybe we should go out sometimes”. There is no harm in asking that question to the boy you are interested in, and there is no harm saying yes to the question either. Recite rule number 3, ladies.

Finally, after the good time that you have, being the girl, you would expect the boy to call back in the next couple of days. Some boys do. Some boys don’t. And in some cases, *they* are waiting for you to call them first. My fifth rule on this would be that you wait a couple of days. If you are indeed interested in the boy, call him back just to tell him you had a good time. Don’t expect that he would call back. If he really digs you, he would. If he doesn’t, girl friend, it’s time to move on to the next cutie in your History class!

There are many more layers to the American dating scene that I can’t possibly go through in one article. Besides, all cases are different. All in all, dating is fun. You meet new people and go do things you wouldn’t have done if you never took the chance. Just remember the 5 main rules, girls, and you’ll do fine in the dating game.

The All-American Dating Game