No music?... click here then. It's no longer Yanni month so let's get down to some good old classic instrumental techno/trance/rock!! To change the music just click Refresh (up there on the toolbar) AT YOUR OWN RISK ;)
Hello and welcome....... Here's a piccy of me with my new retro-80s hairstyle. Honestly.... this was taken in April 2003 (my 45th b/day!!!!) The idea is to try to look a bit Rick Wakeman-ish for my next rock festival which I never got to do as I'd just had one MI and was just about to hit another!! (I actually look more like the spawn of Des Lynam and Noel Edmonds!) The cloak's finished, the joints are skinned, the keyboards are primed. I had my ponytail cut off (they had to hold me down). I didn't look so brave afterwards!! (Didn't look so pink either!) To those of you with black and white monitors: the pink's next to the blue.... Anyway, I'm back, so watch this space
Name:
Kev Turner, though most people call me Kezzi (a nickname the kids gave me and it sort of stuck!) or Retro. I answer to other things too: "Another beer?" or "Hey, handsome..."
Born:
(Yes - despite all the rumours - I was) at teatime on Friday 18th April 1958 (Really? You don't look that old!), Harrogate, Yorkshire, UK to Viking father and Saxon mother. Good choice, God!! Who would have thought I was ever this cute?!
Habitat:
Can often be found in a small village (pop. 600 but rising) called Lindal-in-Furness, near Ulverston, South Cumbria, England, but actually live in Dalton-in-Furness (a small town nearby). Previously lived in Doncaster, Keighley, Solihull, Sudbury, Cambridge, Hartlepool, Egremont, Nottingham, London, and Barrow - all in England (Dad thought he was a gypsy but we had to tell him the ear-ring didn't suit him).
My family....:
my My cousin, best friend, fiancée and special lady (Debs), assorted kids ("Hi, Gook Boy and Frogmella!!"), gran and spiritual mother (Margaret, sadly no longer with us)... Oh!! And not forgetting favourite sexy auntie Xandre!!
....and other animals:
Adopted one-eyed, 19-year-old cat, Tommy the Wondermog (sadly Tommy has passed on now, but we shall remember him here always), Dwight, the one-eared mouse (he's shuffled of this mortal coil now too), Tag - a 12 year-old one-tailed Border collie who thinks he's a cat (unless he meets a lady dog! Sadly no longer with us either), and five red comet goldfish and a coupla black bubble- eyes... good for the Feng Shui apparently. Feng shui'll do 'em no bloody good if we keep forgetting to feed 'em and change the water...
Employment:
Besides playing guitar and keyboards for various bands as a session musician I was originally an analytical chemist for Albright and Wilson and then the Severn-Trent Water Authority, a Destructive Test Engineer (Biochemistry) in the chemistry labs at Vickers Shipbuilding and Engineering, and then had a brief spell as Project Training Manager with Barrow Council, but due to a hiccup in the health department I am now a volunteer counsellor/contact for the Guillain-Barré Syndrome Support Group of the United Kingdom , (as well as part-time electrician, plumber, painter, mechanic, carpenter, taxi driver, washer-up, dog walker, beer taster, agony uncle... everything that goes with being a guy). Oh yeah, nearly forgot. I sort of run this graphic design studio as well with a bit of PC repair stuff on the side.
Ambitions:
To learn to tie my shoelaces, walk home from the pub without staggering, and to live to be 120 and get shot by a jealous husband.
Bands I played in:
From Sweet Sixteen to Terrifying Thirty and then the Fearless Forties - that's what too many painkillers can do to a body (and the odd sniff of amyl). I'd print some pics from the in-between years, but to be quite honest most people wouldn't be able to stomach them. They're in the box marked 'No-o-o-o!!!!'.
In chronological order starting around 1978-9 (unless you count 'The Boyfriends', me and Martin Chapman back around 1963 on tennis racket and biscuit tins. We wrote all our own stuff you know) and a slight expedition onto the Nottinghamshire club circuit in the late '70s as a harmony duo, Martini-Cognac, with Martin Spacey - the heavy metal kings 'Prisoner' (Billy Farren - vocals, Tony Tevula - drums, Martin Price - lead guitar, ?? - played rhythm guitar - I'm terrible with names, me on 2nd rhythm guitar), the classic rock 'n' roll outfit 'Route 66' (Ronnie Crawford - singist, Colin Crawford - drums, Lennie Ireland - rhythm guitar, Bill Knellor - bass), a delve into jazz funk with 'Sapphire' (Sue - vocals and husband Tony Edmondson - bass (Suto), Mark Harrison - drums, Ian Scott - lead guitar, me - synths), an expedition into original New Wave with 'Silent Echo' (Mark Hardman then Gav Rigg - vocals, Neil Yates - lead guitar, Ian Rogan - rhythm and then bass guitars, Mark Harrison - drums, Mark Copley - bass, me - synths), an escape and an excuse to get lots of girlies involved with 'Martanna' (Christine Hardman - vocals, Christina Strange - vocals, electric piano, ooooohhhh!!!!, Mark Harrison - drums, me - synths), into the
clubs with '50s and '60s classics (short of cash) with 'Loose Ends' (Terry Loughran - vocals and guitar, Alex Dacre - bass, Steve 'Sludge Guts' Nicholson - drums, me - keyboards and synths), toured the UK with the rock band with three names 'The Jewels', 'Pip', 'Eyes Wide Open' (Geoff Cubin - vocals and drums, Don Smith - lead guitar, Martin Tyson - bass, me - keyboards and synths), the electropop duo 'Batteries Not Included' (with Paul Dixon - vocals, me - keyboards and synths), meanwhile the charity band for the rescue and support of kids in Romania '5XL', comprising the best session musicians around the local area (Paul Curran - vocals, Steve 'Poz' Porrit - guitar, Steve Nicholson - drums, Alex Dacre - bass, me - string synths), did a bit of recording and selling (Alexandra Stevens - that was your song!!), then the New Wave original duo with the inimitable Gary Cook - vocals and guitar 'Bitter End Cafe' with me on electric piano, synths and rhythm machine - (who nicked our backdrop??), into the classic rock trio 'Electric Dreams' (Barry Hetherington before Billy Pettinger - vocals, Gerry Garrod - bass, me - keyboard synths and rhythm programming, to the seven-piece blues band 'Mojo Rising'
(now 'Bad Influence') (Anne, Ann & Will Johnson - vocals, Steve Ingram - lead guitar, Gerry Garrod - bass, (then Steve Harris before Martin Tyson), Steve Burton(?) - drums - aaarggh! My short-term memory's going, me on electric piano and synths), depped with 'Jekyll and Hyde' (Tony 'Shea' Cooke - vocals, lead guitar, Dick Marr - drums, Neddy - drums, Mark 'Tat' Taylor - bass folowed by Kev Graham and Graham 'Mono' ?, (now 'Gobstopper') and me - synths, electric pianos - in Northern Ireland whilst their sax player recovered from two broken wrists , into the classic rock trio which quickly became a classic rock duo which is what happens when the lead singer shags the manager's wife - 'Can' (Nick Stables - vocals, Andy Dewhirst - lead guitar - then just Andy - guitar and vocals with me on electric pianos and synths) - and now back to full time session and depping but as 'Retro', Kezzi gone totally keyboard solo, well, some guitar - maximum rock and blues instrumental classics, man ......
Likes:
Leather and denim, motorcycling, real ale, blues and rock music, Björk, rock climbing in the Lakes, the Internet, girls, computing, old British, French and Italian movies, wet t-shirt competitions, photography, socialising with friends, long hot showers, socialising with friends in long hot showers, people with a good sense of humour, good food, the colour black (".... like night..... Help me, mother, the trees..... they are watching me..... They stick pins in my soul...."), thunderstorms, good white wine, Mars bars, Boddington's Draught bitter, Vodka. Gee, look at me! Leather boy!! That was back in better days! One day I'll ride her again.... No! The bike, you fool - not Björk.
Dislikes:
Dishonest people, people who are late, gossips, days that go nowhere fast, being skint, being too ill to enjoy life or ride my motorcycle, injections in my stomach, Windows XP, American sitcoms, dry t-shirt competitions, salad cream, bigots, cold winds, the colours yellow and purple together (unless it's blueberries and custard!), Hartley's XB, (especially the rubbish they sell in the village - No names.... you know who you are!!)
Music:
Most kinds of music, my favourite bands being Marc Bolan and T.Rex , Lou Reed, Velvet Underground , Bowie, Björk, and all Northern Soul and Blues. Trance - particularly Faithless and Retro (the album 'Metamorphosis' is available now at £12.99 - features strongly at the moment.
Tunes that bring on the nostalgia:
'How 'bout Us' by Champagne
'Misty Coast of Albany' & 'Stacey Grove' by Tyrannosaurus Rex
'Perfect Day', 'Satellite of Love' & 'Hanging Round' by Lou Reed
'Pale Blue Eyes' & 'Candy Says' by Velvet Underground
'Black Velvet' by Allanah Miles
'Change the World' by Wynonna
'Misty Blue' by Dorothy Moore
'Sometimes it Snows in April' by Prince
'Caroline Says' & 'If You Go Away' by Marc Almond
'Pearly Dewdrops' by the Cocteau Twins
'Feel Like Making Love' by Bad Company
'Weak Spot' by Evelyn Thomas
'Alison' by Elvis Costello
'You Got It All' by Peggy Scott (The "Railway Anthem")... Hi guys! It's coming back!and this is one section that will probably never change...
Album of the moment:
'Anthem' - Ronan Harding.
Reading:
Catherine Cookson, Argos Catalogues, Beano, Tarot cards, Fortean Times, James Herbert, Internet Today, biographies, true crime (esp. serial killers), cereal packets, ingredients lists on shampoo bottles.
All time favourite films:
Electric Dreams, Dancer In The Dark, A Star Is Born (Streisand version), Raisin' Arizona, Thelma And Louise, Trainspotting, Shallow Grave, Pulp Fiction, Straw Dogs, Wallace And Gromitt in 'A Close Shave', Bambi, and I reckon to have every 'serial killer' film ever made.
TV shows:
Fast Show, Pet Rescue, The Simpsons, Jonathan Creek, Red Dwarf, Father Ted, Silent Witness, Brookside, Mark Thomas Comedy Project, Cracker, Casualty, anything with Carol Vorderman in it.
Pin-ups:
Marilyn Monroe is my regular pin-up. My heart throb right now is Lara Croft (nooo... just kidding, but she has got a lovely bum!). It's Björk!! Closely followed by Carol Vorderman and actresses Lisa Kudrow, Gina McKee and Amanda Burton, but I also have 'the hots' for Madonna, Björk, Mel 'C' (of Spice Girls), Björk, and girls who ride motorcycles. I wonder if Björk rides a motorcycle. Probably. You can have this photo of Björk if you want but I'm not sharing any of the others. They're mine, so lay off!!
Favourite animals:
Foxes, pigs, squirrels, dogs, squirrels, ferrets and squirrels.
Food:
Indian, or anything with lots of hot spices, cheesecake, chocolate chip cookies, any cheese (especially on sticks with little chunks of pineapple).
Other interests:
The paranormal, alien abductions, life after death, forensic medicine, Björk, pub quizzes (we are "The Carol Vorderman Fan Club" - striking fear into the hearts of the patrons of the Cavendish Arms, Dalton... and not forgetting the Golden Ball and Red Lion, of course!), writing MIDI files (if you're lucky you should be able to hear my renditions of some great music right now... if you're unlucky you won't know how to stop it...!)
Most likely to say:
"Oh dear.....", "Awesome.....", or "Björk...... please stop....." (In your dreams, son...)
Other great ways to pass the time:
Watching the sunset over the Cumbrian mountains on a warm summers night, lying awake at night listening to the rain, lying asleep dreaming of Björk, relaxing with good friends in a country pub with a few beers and a roaring log fire, late into the night.
N.B. No animals were harmed in the production of this page, though more by accident than good fortune...
Last modified on: 1st July, 2008.
Kezzi © Westshape Design Studio 1985-2008. All rights reserved.
