The Bodyguard
By Laura Gowdy and Karli Fisher

Plot: After a night of drinking, Karen and Jack have to mend their friendship; Will and Grace shop for Rob and Ellen's wedding gift.
Disclaimer: "Will & Grace" is a trademark of National Broadcasting Company. No Infringement intended. The characters in this work of fiction do not belong to us.


Scene 1: Will's Manhattan Apartment
Grace: [WALKING ACROSS LIVING ROOM TO THE TABLE IN PAJAMAS. TAKES A BOWL FROM THE TABLE AND POURS CEREAL IN IT FOLLOWED BY ACCIDENTALLY POURING ORANGE JUICE]

Will: Milk? [GRACE CONTINUES TO EAT LOUDLY] Rough night?

Grace: We were at the store until nine waiting for Ellen to pick out the perfect maid of honor gown and bridesmaid dresses. Then we had to stand around until one for the fittings. Mine, of course, was done last. And, to top it all off, Ellen said she didn't care what we got her and Rob for their wedding.

Will: [NOT LOOKING UP FROM HIS PAPER] Oh, bad sign.

Grace: What do you mean?

Will: Well, whenever someone says that they don't care what you get them, what they really mean is, you're such good friends, that we don't have to tell you what to get us because you already know.

Grace: So?

Will: So, that means we have to get them something we KNOW they'll love or they'll think we're not such great friends. [CLOSING PAPER AND SETTING IT ON TABLE] And we have no idea what they want.

Grace: How about that new deluxe edition of Scrabble?

Will: [GLARING AT GRACE] Gracie, no board games

Grace: How about-

Will: [INTERRUPTING] No games of any kind. We're shopping for Rob and Ellen, not Grace Adler. [WILL LOOKS AT PAPER AND NOTICES AND AD] What about something from the Pottery Barn?

Grace: Oh, of course why didn't I think of it before. Every married couple should have at least one set of gay antiques! We are not shopping for you either, Will Truman.

Will: Oh, come on Grace, you know how much Rob and Ellen love those weird knick-knacks. Besides, this place is nearby, we could be done in five minutes and there will probably be lots of hot guys there too!

Grace: Oh, fine. Meet me at work and we will leave from there.

Scene 2: Grace's Soho Office
Grace: [FLIPPING THROUGH A MESS OF COLOR SWATCHES] Oh my God, why can't I find it?!

Karen: [LOOKING UP FROM HER VOUGE] Honey, what's going on, what are you doing? If you frown any longer you'll only give your self-more wrinkles.

Grace: [STILL FLIPPING THROUGH HER SAMPLES] Karen, I really don't have time to respond to you catty remarks right now.

Jack: [ENTER ON SCOOTER KNOCKING DOWN GRACES PILE OF PAPERS] Beep! Beep!

Will: [ENTER, PICKS UP GRACE'S PAPERS]

Grace: What is Jack doing here?

Will: He followed me here, can I keep him?

Jack: [TO WILL] HAHA, I forgot you're fat! [TO KAREN] Hey Kare!

Karen: Honey. I'm in a bit of a situation and I need your help.

Jack: Shoot!

Karen: Well, Stan's mother is coming over tonight and the kids are out of school and, oh lord, I need a place to hide. Can I stay overnight? I'll bring drinks!

Jack: Kare, you don't need to bribe me with drinks to stay at my place, I'd be happy to have you. Sidebar, don't forget the drinks.

Karen: Oh, honey, I just got a special drink sent in all the way from the Amazon...or Africa, one of the two.

Jack: Sounds great see you then [LEAVING ROOM ON SCOOTER RINGING BELL. A CRASH IS HEARD] I know you're laughing, Mr. And Mrs. Truman, but it is not funny!

Scene 3: Pottery Barn
Grace: It's nine o' clock and I just spent two hours in traffic to come here and look at gay merchandise! My feet are numb because it is so cold outside and all I want to do is warm up! [GRACE WONDERS OVER TO A COUCH AND SITS DOWN]

Cindy: Hi, welcome to the Pottery Barn, my name is Cindy, can I be of any assistance?

Will: We are looking for a wedding gift for our two friends, they're getting married and we thought that we could find them a present here.

Cindy: We have countless items to choose from. Tell you what, you just wait here and I'll be right back with a few of them.

Grace: Will, are you sure that you want to get them something from here? Do you think that this place is boring enough for them?

Will: Gracie, let's just see what our options are.

Cindy: Well, I have found a ton of great things that I think would make great wedding gifts. [CARRYING LARGE BOXES, TRINKETS AND FABRIC SAMPLES] So let's get started.

Will and Grace: This could take a while. [LEANING BACK AND FALLING ASLEEP AS CINDY TALKS ON]

Scene 4: Jack's Apartment
Karen: [KNOCKS ON DOOR, JACK OPENS THE DOOR]

Jack: Hey Kare! Did you bring the fun?

Karen: Honey, of course I did. [TAKING OUT SIX BOTTLES OF ALCOHOL INCLUDING ONE PINKISK FOREIGN LOOKING DRINK]

Jack: Oh, this must be the guest of honor!

Karen: I figured that we could work our way up to this. [OPENING A BOTTLE AND FILLING TWO GLASSES AND HANDING ONE TO JACK, HOLDING THE TWO GLASSES UP TOASTING] To avoiding in-laws, spouses, children...

Jack: Responsibilities, jobs, work...

Karen: and synthetic fabrics![TOASTING AND THEN FINISHING THE WHOLE GLASS. THE TWO PICKED UP THE OTHER BOTTLES AND BROUGHT THEM INTO JACK'S BEDROOM. THEY BOTH SIT ON JACK'S BED LEANING AGAINST THE HEADBOARD]

Jack: So what do you want to do tonight Kare- Bear?

Karen: Well, I don't want to go out, I don't want to go home, and I don't want to stay sober! [TAKING A GULP OF HER DRINK] As for what I want to do, it's up to you honey!

Jack: Okay, do you want to flip through magazines and make fun of celebrities' outfits?

Karen: Well then what would I have to do at work? [OPENING THE SECOND BOTTLE AND THROWING THE CAP ONTO THE FLOOR]

Jack: Hmm, good point. We could play spin the bottle?

Karen: We're not in high school, we are adults!

Jack: What about Truth or Dare? [TAKING A SIP FROM HIS GLASS WHICH KAREN CONTINUALLY FILLS UP]

Karen: Okay! [TURNING TOWARDS JACK] I'll go first, Truth or Dare?

Jack: Dare!

Karen: I dare you to drink the other half of this bottle within thirty seconds!

[CLAPPING HANDS CHUCKLING]

Jack: All right, but only if you drink half of that imported bottle in thirty seconds too!

Karen: Oh honey, I was planning to anyway!

Scene 5: The Pottery Barn
Grace: [WAKING UP IN THE DARK ON THE COUCH WITH WILL] Umm..hello? What happened? Where am I? What am I doing? God this is what it must feel like to be Karen!

Will: What should we do?

Grace: I don't know, what do you think Nancy Drew?

Will: [FLASHLIGHTS SHINING ON THEIR FACES WITHOUT THEM KNOWING] What ever we do Gracie don't worry, no one will ever notice we were here, [LOOKING UP] unless a security guard finds us first.

Scene 6: Jack's apartment
[JACK IS SLURRING HIS WORDS AND IT STUMBLING ON THEM, KAREN SEEMS TO BE A LITTLE TIPSY TOO DUE TO THE EXOIC DRINK]

Jack: Okay, Truth or Dare? [STUMBLING ON HIS WORDS, IT IS OBVIOUS THAT HE IS DRUNK]

Karen: Dare!

Jack: French kiss me!

Karen: What?

Jack: Come on Kare! Kiss me! Pretty please! How can you resist this body?

Karen: Well...

Jack: I dared you, you have to, because a good person does not wimp out on a dare!

Karen: Since I am not a good person does that mean I do not have to?

Jack: Karen!

Karen: I am only teasing you! Of course I want to sweetie!

Jack: All right, ready? [TWO LEAN OVER AND KISS AND SLIDE OUT OF THE FRAME ONTO THE BED]

Scene 7: Jack's Apartment
[EARLY MORNING NEXT DAY, JACK WAKING UP IN BED. THEN KAREN SITS UP NEXT TO HIM AND THE TWO LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND SCREAM. THEY BOTH GLANCE AROUND THE ROOM AT THE MESS OF BOTTLES AND THEN LOOK AT EACH OTHER AGAIN AND GASP.]

Karen: Well..I guess that I better get going.

Jack: Umm, yeah...

Karen: Yeah, last night, and well...

Jack: Let's just not tell anyone our little secret. I mean if Will or Grace found out, we would never live it down.

[CUT TO KAREN IN THE HALLWAY LEAVING JACK'S APARTMENT]

Grace: Hey Karen, what are you doing here?

Karen: Well, I came to give Jack something back that I borrowed.

Grace: What could you have borrowed from Jack?

Karen: His curling iron.

Grace: Okay, why?

Karen: Because...I...What is this, twenty questions? [PUSHING THE ELEVATOR BUTTON]

Grace: Karen are you all right?

Karen: Umm, yes, I'm fine, great! [QUICKLY WALKING INTO THE ELEVATOR. GRACE GLANCES AT JACK STANDNG IN THE DOORWAY OF HIS APARTMENT, WHEN SHE NOTICES HIM HE SLAMS THE DOOR]

Grace: [WALKING INTO HER AND WILL'S APARTMENT] (to Will) Weird.

Will: What's wrong?

Grace: I just had the weirdest conversation with Karen.

Will: Isn't every conversation with Karen weird?

Grace: No, she was acting kind of nervous, (BEAT) Will look at me.

Will: What am I looking for? More wrinkles or more gray hair?

Grace: Will you stop it! I mean look at what I am wearing.

Will: You're wearing a yellow sunflower T-shirt, your p.j. bottoms, and those bunny slippers that you got for your birthday last year. F.Y.I. they were a gag gift! Why do you ask?

Grace: Karen never made and kind of comment on my wardrobe.

Will: Well, she---that is weird!

Scene 8: Grace's Soho office
Later that day

[GRACE IS FIDGITING WITH SOME FABRIC SAMPLES AND A LARGE PILE OF SKETCHES]

Grace: Karen, I've been noticing that you have been acting a little weird lately.

Karen: Grace I am fine, just a late night...[WILL AND JACK ENTER, JACK IS ON HIS SCOOTER]

Will: Hey, Gracie, ready to go to lunch?

Grace: Sure. Oh, by the way, are you tired? That was a late night last night.

Will: Yeah, it might have been later if it wasn't for that security guard that let us out!

Karen: Why, what's wrong with spending the night some where?

Grace: Karen are you sure that nothing's wrong?

Karen: Grace, for the last time, I am fine! [WILL AND GRACE LEAVE]

Jack: Kare, we need to chat

Karen: I know, Poodle.

Jack: Umm, well, this is sort of, you know!

Karen: I know, but come on! We can not let this come between us! I am your Barbie and you are my skipper!

Jack: You're right, you're right!

Karen: Honey, I am always right.

Jack: I know you are!

Karen: So we are, umm...

Jack: Girlfriends again?

Karen: [STANDING UP HOLDING HANDS WITH JACK] Yeah girlfriends! Well, you know Mom and Mom are out to lunch what do you say that we do?

Jack: We could booby trap Grace's desk?

Karen: Aww honey, you always think of what will entertain me the most, don't you?

[END]

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